sheilabezi Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Hey guys, I really need your advice and opinion on this. I live in New Jersey but every year my family and I fly out to Dubai on Easter break to visit one of my uncles who lives there with his wife and daughter. Three years ago (I was 16 years old), while I was in Dubai I met a guy who was a year and half older than me. The way we met was very casual because his best friend was actually my cousin’s (the one who lives in Dubai) crush so this was a double date, except that I had never met them. Now, this might seem very extra but us meeting was like love at first sight. The bond we formed almost instantly was simply inexplicable and I will truly never forget that day. We spent about four hours together and when the date came to an end, we obviously exchanged numbers. We talked a lot that night but it was difficult for us because he was flying back home the next day. We live in different countries so we knew we wouldn’t see each other for a long time. However, that didn’t stop us from talking. When he got back home we talked for hours without our knowing and I remember peeking out the window and seeing the sun rise. We talked about absolutely everything and I truly felt like I had known him for years. I flew back home as well a couple of days later and our conversations never ended. Days, weeks, months passed by yet not a single day without talking. All I could think about was him and all I wanted to do was talk to him, no matter where I was. All my friends knew about him and his friends knew about me too. We viewed each other as soul mates and I actually thought he was the one, I was going to marry him and he would be the father of my children. That’s how strong our bond was and he made sure to make me feel special in every possible way. Everything was so perfect; we’d met back in April so we were even planning our summer together. He invited me to his prom as well (it was his senior year) and wanted to fly me in. I was also going through a rough time as my parents were divorcing and he helped me all the way through it. I felt so safe and appeased when I talked to him. We weren’t officially a couple because we lived in different countries and non of us really liked the idea of long distance relationships, however we clearly told each other that we were off limits to other people. I wasn’t even interested in other guys near me and he assured me he felt the same way. To this day, I don’t know if I was truly in love with him because I was fairly young but I sure as h*ll had very strong feelings for him. What went wrong, you might be thinking? Long story short, my cousin (the one who initially introduced us to each other) grew jealous of the relationship we had because her relationship with his best friend had failed. So, she used a mutual friend they had to taint my image and tell him lies about me. She told him that I was only using him for entertainment, that I didn’t have feelings for him and that I would drop him as soon as I found a new guy who lived closer to me. Having terrible trust issues (to the point where he got depressed at a certain moment of his life because of past relationships who had done him wrong), he fell for it and stopped talking to me. At first I was confused because he seemed colder than usual but then he simply stopped texting. Two weeks passed by without talking and that was extremely weird for me because we literally talked every single day for months. This was around the beginning of summer so I wondered if the plans that we’d made for the summer were still on or not. I then decided to text him and ask him what was up (I was so terribly anxious) and he blankly told me that he was beginning a new relationship and wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. Just like that, as if nothing had happened before. I first thought it was a joke, but when I saw he was being serious I grew colder and became a little defensive. I finally asked him why he stopped talking to me so suddenly and he explained me everything that had happened with my cousin. I was so angry and hurt that my own cousin would do this but most importantly that he would believe her. We ended our conversation and that was unfortunately the end of our story. After our “break up”, he became totally out of control. I still followed him on Instagram (where he’s very active) and as of the day we officially ended things, he turned into this complete different person. Every 2 to 3 days he would post pictures with different girls each time, with drinks and cigarettes in his hand. He went out almost every night and probably saw at least 3 different girls per night out. I was so shocked and disappointed to see this sweet, gentle and caring person that I knew and cared for turn into this wild party animal. I knew this wasn’t him but there was nothing I could do about it. Now, here’s the problem. Due to different things, I haven’t returned to Dubai since that time. In three weeks however I will finally be returning and yes, he will be there too. He texted my sister (who was at the date as well) and told her we should totally meet and catch up and she agreed. Getting over him wasn’t easy and it took a long time but today, I can safely say that I have moved on. I’m certain I don’t feel anything for him anymore and he seems to have matured as he isn’t this wild person anymore. We’re both in college now doing our own thing so I feel like we’re definitely adults compared to the teens we were back then (I’m 19 now and he’s almost 21). However, I am so terribly frightened that everything will rush back to the surface once I see him. I know I don’t feel for him anymore right now, but I have absolutely no clue as to how seeing him back will affect me emotionally. One part of me (maybe the old me) wants to see him again because that was our biggest dream back then and it’s finally happening but another part of me doesn’t because I didn’t forget the way he blindly believed my cousin and completely changed over night. I am not ready to go through what I went through last time, and I definitely don’t want to be in a position where all I can think about is him, causing me to cut myself off from boys who are actually near me. But then again, I want to see him again and also show him the person I’ve become. Additionally, I’m into this new guy I met not long ago. We talked for a little while and I feel like I really want to get to know him better but unfortunately, it’s been a few days since we haven’t talked for no specific reason. It bothers me because I like him and he gave me multiple indications that he likes me too, but we’re both shy and don’t dare texting first. There’s a big chance I’ll be seeing him next week (with other people as well) and if we hit it off, I’m pretty determined to not let this one go. In the meantime I don’t know what to do because I’m not sure if he’s “over” me or if he simply doesn’t dare texting me first. I also learned through his friend a few days ago that he had apparently lied to his friends by telling them he and I were going to see each other when in fact we never spoke about hanging out. I’d love to, that’s not the issue, I’m just wondering why he had to lie to his friends about it? If he wants to hang out, why not simply ask me? I know I should just ask him if I’m curious but it’s not as easy as it seems. So, I feel blocked here as well. Now my question is do you have any advice for me concerning this meet up? We haven’t spoken or seen each other in three years and I just don’t know what to expect. How can I avoid falling into my old feelings? How am I supposed to handle it? Or is it even a good idea to meet up with him in the first place? I haven’t had anything serious with any guy since him. The guy I might be seeing again next week is the first guy who makes me want to dig deeper. That’s why it bothers me so much that we stopped talking, because I felt relieved that I finally wanted something again. I truly like him and that’s why I’m also afraid of seeing my “ex” again, because I don’t want that to mess with my feelings and throw the new guy out. Everything would be so much easier with him. I would truly appreciate your help and I thank you in advance.
CollegeKid101 Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Hey guys, I really need your advice and opinion on this. I live in New Jersey but every year my family and I fly out to Dubai on Easter break to visit one of my uncles who lives there with his wife and daughter. Three years ago (I was 16 years old), while I was in Dubai I met a guy who was a year and half older than me. The way we met was very casual because his best friend was actually my cousin’s (the one who lives in Dubai) crush so this was a double date, except that I had never met them. Now, this might seem very extra but us meeting was like love at first sight. The bond we formed almost instantly was simply inexplicable and I will truly never forget that day. We spent about four hours together and when the date came to an end, we obviously exchanged numbers. We talked a lot that night but it was difficult for us because he was flying back home the next day. We live in different countries so we knew we wouldn’t see each other for a long time. However, that didn’t stop us from talking. When he got back home we talked for hours without our knowing and I remember peeking out the window and seeing the sun rise. We talked about absolutely everything and I truly felt like I had known him for years. I flew back home as well a couple of days later and our conversations never ended. Days, weeks, months passed by yet not a single day without talking. All I could think about was him and all I wanted to do was talk to him, no matter where I was. All my friends knew about him and his friends knew about me too. We viewed each other as soul mates and I actually thought he was the one, I was going to marry him and he would be the father of my children. That’s how strong our bond was and he made sure to make me feel special in every possible way. Everything was so perfect; we’d met back in April so we were even planning our summer together. He invited me to his prom as well (it was his senior year) and wanted to fly me in. I was also going through a rough time as my parents were divorcing and he helped me all the way through it. I felt so safe and appeased when I talked to him. We weren’t officially a couple because we lived in different countries and non of us really liked the idea of long distance relationships, however we clearly told each other that we were off limits to other people. I wasn’t even interested in other guys near me and he assured me he felt the same way. To this day, I don’t know if I was truly in love with him because I was fairly young but I sure as h*ll had very strong feelings for him. What went wrong, you might be thinking? Long story short, my cousin (the one who initially introduced us to each other) grew jealous of the relationship we had because her relationship with his best friend had failed. So, she used a mutual friend they had to taint my image and tell him lies about me. She told him that I was only using him for entertainment, that I didn’t have feelings for him and that I would drop him as soon as I found a new guy who lived closer to me. Having terrible trust issues (to the point where he got depressed at a certain moment of his life because of past relationships who had done him wrong), he fell for it and stopped talking to me. At first I was confused because he seemed colder than usual but then he simply stopped texting. Two weeks passed by without talking and that was extremely weird for me because we literally talked every single day for months. This was around the beginning of summer so I wondered if the plans that we’d made for the summer were still on or not. I then decided to text him and ask him what was up (I was so terribly anxious) and he blankly told me that he was beginning a new relationship and wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. Just like that, as if nothing had happened before. I first thought it was a joke, but when I saw he was being serious I grew colder and became a little defensive. I finally asked him why he stopped talking to me so suddenly and he explained me everything that had happened with my cousin. I was so angry and hurt that my own cousin would do this but most importantly that he would believe her. We ended our conversation and that was unfortunately the end of our story. After our “break up”, he became totally out of control. I still followed him on Instagram (where he’s very active) and as of the day we officially ended things, he turned into this complete different person. Every 2 to 3 days he would post pictures with different girls each time, with drinks and cigarettes in his hand. He went out almost every night and probably saw at least 3 different girls per night out. I was so shocked and disappointed to see this sweet, gentle and caring person that I knew and cared for turn into this wild party animal. I knew this wasn’t him but there was nothing I could do about it. Now, here’s the problem. Due to different things, I haven’t returned to Dubai since that time. In three weeks however I will finally be returning and yes, he will be there too. He texted my sister (who was at the date as well) and told her we should totally meet and catch up and she agreed. Getting over him wasn’t easy and it took a long time but today, I can safely say that I have moved on. I’m certain I don’t feel anything for him anymore and he seems to have matured as he isn’t this wild person anymore. We’re both in college now doing our own thing so I feel like we’re definitely adults compared to the teens we were back then (I’m 19 now and he’s almost 21). However, I am so terribly frightened that everything will rush back to the surface once I see him. I know I don’t feel for him anymore right now, but I have absolutely no clue as to how seeing him back will affect me emotionally. One part of me (maybe the old me) wants to see him again because that was our biggest dream back then and it’s finally happening but another part of me doesn’t because I didn’t forget the way he blindly believed my cousin and completely changed over night. I am not ready to go through what I went through last time, and I definitely don’t want to be in a position where all I can think about is him, causing me to cut myself off from boys who are actually near me. But then again, I want to see him again and also show him the person I’ve become. 21 and 19, while more mature than 18 and 16, is not a huge difference. He's in college...I can assure you he's still wild. Why? This doesn't make much sense. You haven't talked in three years and have met for four hours. We talked for a little while and I feel like I really want to get to know him better but unfortunately, it’s been a few days since we haven’t talked for no specific reason. It bothers me because I like him and have me multiple indications that he likes me too, but we’re both shy and don’t dare texting first. There’s a big chance I’ll be seeing him next week (with other people as well) and if we hit it off, I’m pretty determined to not let this one go. In the meantime I don’t know what to do because I’m not sure if he’s “over” me or if he simply doesn’t dare texting me first. I also learned through his friend a few days ago that he had apparently lied to his friends by telling them he and I were going to see each other when in fact we never spoke about hanging out. I’d love to, that’s not the issue, I’m just wondering why he had to lie to his friends about it? If he wants to hang out, why not simply ask me? I know I should just ask him if I’m curious but it’s not as easy as it seems. So, I feel blocked here as well. Now my question is do you have any advice for me concerning this meet up? We haven’t spoken or seen each other in three years and I just don’t know what to expect. How can I avoid falling into my old feelings? How am I supposed to handle it? Or is it even a good idea to meet up with him in the first place? I haven’t had anything serious with any guy since him. The guy I might be seeing again next week is the first guy who makes me want to dig deeper. That’s why it bothers me so much that we stopped talking, because I felt relieved that I finally wanted something again. I truly like him and that’s why I’m also afraid of seeing my “ex” again, because I don’t want that to mess with my feelings and throw the new guy out. Everything would be so much easier with him. I would truly appreciate your help and I thank you in advance. You seem like a really sweet person, but I think you're better off staying away from this guy and really, your cousin as well. Text the other guy!!
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 He might be older but you have no reason to think he's any wiser. He believed your cousin over you. Even if you got her to confess that she intentionally lied, he still believed her over you. That level of broken trust is often not repairable. It's also been 3 years. You are into somebody else. When you see him again, you may think to yourself "what was I thinking?" On top of that, you two are no closer to closing the long distance gap so you'd be right where you started. Be warm & gracious when you see him but he may just be somebody you used to know. If he's not if all the feelings come rushing back, analyze things with the eyes of a logical college educated person not a 16 year old with stars in her eyes. See where that takes you. 1
maxi105 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 hiya sheilabezi, the best thing I would say is don't go with any expectations at all, that way you wont be disappointed or put any negative worries onto something that may not be a real problem anyway. just go with a fresh outlook and enjoy the meeting however it goes. you'll know sooner or later if its heading in the right direction. ok, hope it goes well for you, maxi.[sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000][/COLOR][/sIZE] 1
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