heavenonearth Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Nope, she did not apologize at all, she just hung up on me. Yeah, I hear you all, the find someone better line was immature on my part, but I feel she totally overreacted. I post all the bad stuff. 99 percent of the time we get along really well, but this latest thing really upset me. I also feel like I'm doing most of the lifting and I'm starting to get resentful. We have a trip to Belize scheduled at the end of the month, and I really don't want to go now Hanging up on someone is very disrespectful. It shoes she's got a bad way of dealing with anger. Dude, you need to tell her she can't do this to you. She's walking all over you and it's not cool. You're not her butler. You are supposed to be her equal. 1
heavenonearth Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Thanks Gaeta, well the student loan thing ended by situating itself. As she got her green card qualified for government student loans. Yeah, we actually just had a blowout over the phone. She told me to grow some balls...lol. OkayI get it. Anyway, I think I am just going to end it. No sense in putting up with this verbal abuse. Wow. She is not in love with you. I would never say this to a person I love. 1
gaius Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 She's trying to teach you something lobous. You seem like a cool guy but the way you behave with women in a sexual relationship needs some work. If this is the norm. Even if you don't stay with her you should practice being more assertive and taking less nonsense with the next girl you date. You probably should stay with her if you can manage to become that guy she wants in short order. Seems like a good one. She should be hanging up on your for calling to apologize for that. 1
canadaman817 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 I respect you for showing selfless love for your girlfriend and being willing to serve her in ways like this without expecting anything in reward. That is a true servant's heart. It is possible she could be experiencing a long difficult day and is taking on you or, like you said, just having a tendency to overreact on certain days. Because what she said is hurtful to you and likely unfair, I think you should try to meet up with her some time, wait for a time when she is calm, and bring up the issue gently, telling her in all honesty how it makes you feel as her committed boyfriend. Have you counsidered couples counseling to help work through things? If so, it may be wise to not target her as the need for counseling, but rather tell her that you feel you could both use counseling to improve the relationship. Hoping for the best!
Author Lobouspo Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 So I made it clear last night that I'm not going to let her treat me like that and I wanted to break up. She started crying and said she appreciates everything I do and she was upset. She said she would never intentionally hurt someone she loves and she was sorry. I still don't know. I do know that I need to set more healthy boundaries with her.
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 So I made it clear last night that I'm not going to let her treat me like that and I wanted to break up. She started crying and said she appreciates everything I do and she was upset. She said she would never intentionally hurt someone she loves and she was sorry. I still don't know. I do know that I need to set more healthy boundaries with her. You need to change girlfriend and date a 'real' woman! A woman that respects you and would never speak to you in that demeaning manners in fears of losing you! This 'drama queen' has you running across town to take her dog out, but she thinks she can handle International adoption on her own?? 1
Els Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 Yes, very unappreciative on her behalf. If you do stay, I would stop helping her until she learns to be more grateful for the help. 2
Popsicle Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 I would just calmly tell her that you love her but if she's going to behave like that when you're doing her a favor then she should find someone else to let the dog out. And if she hangs up on you don't call back. Let her call you. You have to teach people how to treat you and she's uneducated. Yes. I had a friend go off on me like this when I was doing her a favor. I was standing in the rain unshielded holding a bunch of her stuff that I kindly volunteered to pick up for her and she was standing under her umbrella shielded from the rain yelling at me. I asked her nicely to be nice and she snapped back and continued to go off, so I just dropped her stuff right there on the ground and walked off saying "That's it, I'm not taking this". You see, she was definitely in a bad mood and taking it out on me, but no way I'm going to stand there and be her punching bag. She ended up apologizing later and I don't think she'll act that way again. 4
Zahara Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 So I made it clear last night that I'm not going to let her treat me like that and I wanted to break up. She started crying and said she appreciates everything I do and she was upset. She said she would never intentionally hurt someone she loves and she was sorry. I still don't know. I do know that I need to set more healthy boundaries with her. Even when I am upset with my boyfriend, I don't react in such ways that degrade and emasculate him. She mentioned that she would never hurt someone she loves intentionally -- but she didn't even apologize through some level of self-reflection after behaving that way, nothing in her make had her stop and think and reach out to you with regret. That doesn't seem like someone who wouldn't want to hurt someone they love intentionally -- that to me is indicative of the fact that she sees nothing wrong with her behavior. That's not love. My ex used to behave this way. When he knew a break up was looming, he'd cry and feed me a bunch of remorseful words. Then it would happen again -- it's just who they are. If you decide to stay with her, stop being so passive and willing. Draw boundaries. Learn to say NO. She doesn't get to treat you like her servant and disrespect you at the same time. 2
TheFinalWord Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 So I made it clear last night that I'm not going to let her treat me like that and I wanted to break up. She started crying and said she appreciates everything I do and she was upset. She said she would never intentionally hurt someone she loves and she was sorry. I still don't know. I do know that I need to set more healthy boundaries with her. Good job stating your feelings! It's unfortunate that you had to go to that extreme for her to apologize. What I have also found is that once someone threatens breaking up, it's only a matter of time... 1
Exformer Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 This all sounds like manipulation to me. She doesn't do similar things for you. She ignores the big favors you do for her, yet berates you for minor things. So, somehow you're the one who is not dependable. From my limited understanding of this girl, I don't take her apology to be as sympathetic as much as she is selfishly trying to maintain what she gets from you. When you threatened to cut her off by breaking up, she panics and gives an apology...or did she? She said she appreciates the things you do. But she hasn't shown it. So, by saying so, is she doing anything more than saying you're wrong? She claims that she was upset...so that's why she berated you. That's an excuse for her actions that deflects any blame for her actions. "This undefinable thing/emotion made me do it against my will." She also said she'd never intentionally hurt someone she loves. This is an outright lie, or she doesn't love you. She chose to say hurtful things to you with the intention of hurting you (that's why you say hurtful things), it may have been misdirected anger, but she intended to hurt you when she misdirected that anger. Also, more deflection of blame..."I didn't do it on purpose," is basically saying that she had no control over how you interpreted her actions...thus not her fault. and she's sorry for that...shes sorry for the things she pointed out, which are a bunch of things that she has deflected blame for...thus aren't her fault. She's sorry you had that happen to you...not that she did wrong. This sort of apology could also be well intended from someone who was just having a bad day, but combined with repeated behavior, it is unlikely.
jay1983 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 Does she compensate? I've seen a couple of your threads and I'm curious of what this lady does for you.
guest569 Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 So I made it clear last night that I'm not going to let her treat me like that and I wanted to break up. She started crying and said she appreciates everything I do and she was upset. She said she would never intentionally hurt someone she loves and she was sorry. I still don't know. I do know that I need to set more healthy boundaries with her. You either break up with her or don’t. What is this?? Be firm and end it if that’s what you want. Threatening to break up is not the answer to getting her to appreciate you.
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