Lobouspo Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 So my GF works 12 hour shifts and on days I'm not working she asks me to drop by the house to walk her dog or at least let her out. It's inconvenient at times because she lives on the other side of town but I don't mind because it's things you do in a relationship. Anyway , today I dropped by made the bed took the dog and locked everything up. She got home and ripped into me on the phone because I hadn't closed the blinds all the way on her sliding door in the back. Nevermind the fact she does not even have blinds or curtains in the front of her house. Anyway, I called back and apologized, and she said she just won't ask for help because I'm not dependable. That was really hurtful because I help with homework, take her to nice places, paid for a San Francisco trip. I don't keep score and like to do things for love, but I made a mistake and apologized. I just feel so unappreciated. How should I handle this?
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 So my GF works 12 hour shifts and on days I'm not working she asks me to drop by the house to walk her dog or at least let her out. It's inconvenient at times because she lives on the other side of town but I don't mind because it's things you do in a relationship. Anyway , today I dropped by made the bed took the dog and locked everything up. She got home and ripped into me on the phone because I hadn't closed the blinds all the way on her sliding door in the back. Nevermind the fact she does not even have blinds or curtains in the front of her house. Anyway, I called back and apologized, and she said she just won't ask for help because I'm not dependable. That was really hurtful because I help with homework, take her to nice places, paid for a San Francisco trip. I don't keep score and like to do things for love, but I made a mistake and apologized. I just feel so unappreciated. How should I handle this? She sounds extremely selfish! If the guy I was dating pulled that, I'd be gone. Honestly I would leave, I've felt little to no appreciation for doing something nice and that was hurtful. She could've said thank you and pointed out how to do it correctly (in a nice way) next time. There are a lot of girls who will appreciate someone to helps out, maybe its time to find someone else. 2
Grey40 Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Sounds like she's either taking out her bad mood on you, or she's looking for excuses to yell at you because she's unhappy. I would talk to her about it and tell her that you feel underappreciated. Try to do it in the nicest way possible, and wait for a day when she's very receptive 3
hercules22 Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 ye i wouldn't put up with that you need to let know but try not to make a fight about it
kassy Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 How old are you both? How long have you been dating? Sounds to me like either she is unreasonable or this fight is about something else that has been stewing for a while and not communicated, not this one thing has blown up disproportionately. Can you tell her you are a bit surprised by her response and feeling unappreciated. And ask what that was really about and if anything else is going on? 1
Author Lobouspo Posted March 12, 2018 Author Posted March 12, 2018 ye i wouldn't put up with that you need to let know but try not to make a fight about it How do I approach it without making a fight about it. We already did have one. I told her that I felt unappreciated and said sorry that I'm not the perfect boyfriend and maybe she should find someone better
FilterCoffee Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Your gf’s terrible! Breakup with her. You’ll find someone who has more time, is appreciative and is respectful.
Author Lobouspo Posted March 12, 2018 Author Posted March 12, 2018 How old are you both? How long have you been dating? Sounds to me like either she is unreasonable or this fight is about something else that has been stewing for a while and not communicated, not this one thing has blown up disproportionately. Can you tell her you are a bit surprised by her response and feeling unappreciated. And ask what that was really about and if anything else is going on? I'm in my 40s she's in her 30s we are on 8 months. I dunno if this is about something else but I wonder sometimes. She's a good person in alot of ways and most of the time things are great, but she overreacts to things. Most of our fights are over stupid stuff
ExpatInItaly Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 OP, you post countless threads about this dysfunctional relationship. You have received a lot of good advice. Why do you choose not to heed it? 2
kaitlynlily6 Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 She may be venting out her mood for the day or there may be issues more than that. Talk it out with her, if she continues the attitude, then walk away. There may be more to that than plain mood swings.
Mind-Chants Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 How do I approach it without making a fight about it. We already did have one. I told her that I felt unappreciated and said sorry that I'm not the perfect boyfriend and maybe she should find someone better Why did you have to say this (bolded part) beyond the sorry part? It's more of a reflection of your personality than her.
TheFinalWord Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 So my GF works 12 hour shifts and on days I'm not working she asks me to drop by the house to walk her dog or at least let her out. It's inconvenient at times because she lives on the other side of town but I don't mind because it's things you do in a relationship. Anyway , today I dropped by made the bed took the dog and locked everything up. She got home and ripped into me on the phone because I hadn't closed the blinds all the way on her sliding door in the back. Nevermind the fact she does not even have blinds or curtains in the front of her house. Anyway, I called back and apologized, and she said she just won't ask for help because I'm not dependable. That was really hurtful because I help with homework, take her to nice places, paid for a San Francisco trip. I don't keep score and like to do things for love, but I made a mistake and apologized. I just feel so unappreciated. How should I handle this? Wow. Yeah, I would feel under-appreciated. That comes across as really juvenile. I'm unsure if this is something you do for her a lot, but I would not ask anyone to do that for me on a regular basis. I don't even like asking my friends to watch my dog when I'm out of town. I just pay for boarding services or a professional dog sitting service. I probably wouldn't have said "find someone better"...that makes you come across as someone she can just walk over. But I would recommend some boundaries. Did she apologize as well?
Author Lobouspo Posted March 12, 2018 Author Posted March 12, 2018 Wow. Yeah, I would feel under-appreciated. That comes across as really juvenile. I'm unsure if this is something you do for her a lot, but I would not ask anyone to do that for me on a regular basis. I don't even like asking my friends to watch my dog when I'm out of town. I just pay for boarding services or a professional dog sitting service. I probably wouldn't have said "find someone better"...that makes you come across as someone she can just walk over. But I would recommend some boundaries. Did she apologize as well? Nope, she did not apologize at all, she just hung up on me. Yeah, I hear you all, the find someone better line was immature on my part, but I feel she totally overreacted. I post all the bad stuff. 99 percent of the time we get along really well, but this latest thing really upset me. I also feel like I'm doing most of the lifting and I'm starting to get resentful. We have a trip to Belize scheduled at the end of the month, and I really don't want to go now 1
gaius Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 I would just calmly tell her that you love her but if she's going to behave like that when you're doing her a favor then she should find someone else to let the dog out. And if she hangs up on you don't call back. Let her call you. You have to teach people how to treat you and she's uneducated. 4
basil67 Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 I told her that I felt unappreciated and said sorry that I'm not the perfect boyfriend and maybe she should find someone better Ok, so that was a breakup line on your part. Have you considered that she may do exactly this? Mind you, it sounds like a breakup is exactly what needs to happen. And if it takes an accidental breakup to do it, then you're better off. 3
guest569 Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Why was the position of the blind so important? Was it all the way down before? Is this about a blind? When people blow up over petty issues it makes me wonder why and whether they are resentful about something. I think there is a communication issue about something or some needs aren’t being met. On another note.. She shouldn’t be “depending” on someone she has been with for 8 months to basically be a house sitter because she is too lazy/important/busy to look after her own dog. I would hit the brakes, if you already paid for Belize can you get a refund or go with a family member instead? You’re not overreacting and right to feel unappreciated. She is using you and sees no problem with it. This has to change if you’re to move forward. Stop being her dog sitter and homework slave.
Author Lobouspo Posted March 12, 2018 Author Posted March 12, 2018 She was upset about the blinds because potential burglars can peek inside. The funny thing is, the extra bedroom in the front of the house has no blinds. As far as Belize is concerned, I paid for the hotel and flight to. She paid for the return flight and was going to pay for meals when we were there supposedly. I have insurance so I can be reimbursed for the trip except the flight I can just get a voucher. Tbh, even before this, I was not really excited about the Belize trip.
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 I would never ask my bf to drive across town to take my dog out. It's unreasonable. She needs to make an arrangement with someone she trust that lives close by. My lady neighbor has a key to my home to take my dog out if ever I get caught late at work. If she has no one around then she can rely on a company that specializes in dog walking. Your girlfriend is selfish, it's been established again and again in all of your threads. I don't know, in your 40s, what you find appealing in such a juvenile woman. Also, why are you going on trips when not long ago she asked for you to co-sign a loan (at 6 months dating) because she couldn't make ends-meet? Look at the big picture here. She is tight in money, she still got a house that will cost her more utilities, insurances and maintenance, now we're throwing in a dog and all this when she needs you to co-sign a student loan to survive. Doesn't it scream irresponsible and opportunist to you? 2
Author Lobouspo Posted March 12, 2018 Author Posted March 12, 2018 I would never ask my bf to drive across town to take my dog out. It's unreasonable. She needs to make an arrangement with someone she trust that lives close by. My lady neighbor has a key to my home to take my dog out if ever I get caught late at work. If she has no one around then she can rely on a company that specializes in dog walking. Your girlfriend is selfish, it's been established again and again in all of your threads. I don't know, in your 40s, what you find appealing in such a juvenile woman. Also, why are you going on trips when not long ago she asked for you to co-sign a loan (at 6 months dating) because she couldn't make ends-meet? Look at the big picture here. She is tight in money, she still got a house that will cost her more utilities, insurances and maintenance, now we're throwing in a dog and all this when she needs you to co-sign a student loan to survive. Doesn't it scream irresponsible and opportunist to you? Thanks Gaeta, well the student loan thing ended by situating itself. As she got her green card qualified for government student loans. Yeah, we actually just had a blowout over the phone. She told me to grow some balls...lol. OkayI get it. Anyway, I think I am just going to end it. No sense in putting up with this verbal abuse. 1
CptInsano Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 I would just calmly tell her that you love her but if she's going to behave like that when you're doing her a favor then she should find someone else to let the dog out. And if she hangs up on you don't call back. Let her call you. You have to teach people how to treat you and she's uneducated. That's more or less it. Aside from truly unethical behavior there is little right or wrong in a relationship. You simply get what you negotiate. What does she offer that the the OP is playing along? 1
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Thanks Gaeta, well the student loan thing ended by situating itself. As she got her green card qualified for government student loans. Yeah, we actually just had a blowout over the phone. She told me to grow some balls...lol. OkayI get it. Anyway, I think I am just going to end it. No sense in putting up with this verbal abuse. If she told you to grow some balls then it means she lost all respect for you. Yes you should break up. I suspect you let her walk all over you, you did too much, and you didn't set boundaries.
iVisa Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 I think she can be a kind of person who yells when something isn't so ideal as she wants. You should talk to her and observe her behavior.
PRW Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) Thanks Gaeta, well the student loan thing ended by situating itself. As she got her green card qualified for government student loans. Yeah, we actually just had a blowout over the phone. She told me to grow some balls...lol. OkayI get it. Anyway, I think I am just going to end it. No sense in putting up with this verbal abuse. Men who have "grown some balls" might get disrespected, but they never are "verbally abused". That implies victemhood, and men with balls are never victems. Do you see where I am going with this? I'm trying to highlight the flaws in you perspective, the way you view and interpret things. Women are smarter than you may give them credit for. She told you exactly what you needed to hear. Whether it was polite or crude is totally irrelevant. Looking at your original question and description you were being her "Manservant", doormat, or as some might say, her "gay-male-girlfriend". She lost respect for you. Yes, even good well balanced women will try to get you to do stuff like that. They want to see if you stand up to them and be the leader, or if you are just going to be the puppy dog that follows her home hoping to be "taken in". [] Edited March 12, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Commercial link redacted 1
TheFinalWord Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Thanks Gaeta, well the student loan thing ended by situating itself. As she got her green card qualified for government student loans. Yeah, we actually just had a blowout over the phone. She told me to grow some balls...lol. OkayI get it. Anyway, I think I am just going to end it. No sense in putting up with this verbal abuse. Wow, that's pretty much the worst thing a woman can say. I didn't know about the student loan situation. Hopefully you aren't on the hook for those loans as that can complicate everything. I do think she is taking advantage of you. On top of that, she degrades you by calling you a coward. Well, one thing I have found is that you can really gauge the long-term potential of a relationship after a fight. If the person never apologizes, does not forgive easily, and does not try to see your side, then you have to question compatibility. If this is the way she reacts over a simple mistake, just imagine if you have a disagreement on something important. Imagine if you had a child together. 1
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