looll Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 I am a girl, 19 years old,finishing school this year. So the story begins like 4 years ago when I was deeply in love with one classmate - V. Everyone was thinking that I we like each other and V. was sharing with me everything,he was calling me a muse and etc.Then I decided to confess to him and he rejected me. I fell in big depression because he was my first love and after that he changed his behavior towards me and started behaving like ****. After almost 2 years of constant crying and suffering my life changed for like 1 week. I literally went on holiday and met one boy who saved me from this suffering and made me forget V. Since two years I am in long distance rel. with him and everything was so perfect until 4months ago. My life decided to bring back my first love. Last year, when I was in school he was like invisible to me, I don't remember even once talking to him but the autumn of 2017 the things changed. The mother of V. passed away unexpectedly and his life got really bad. I couldn't stop myself and I forgave everything he has done to me because I could see how much he is suffering. He wanted me back in his life as a friend and I was absolutely ok with that.He was sorry, he was blaming himself. Me and V. became big friends again. We literally chat every day and he shares with me his deepest fears and secrets. He even jokes that I know everything about him. Some nights I wake up at 4 am and I see that he is online and I chat with him until 6 am in the morning. Probably u have guessed by now that step by step V. made me fall in love again. And here I am with a bf who loves me and have plans to live with me and in the same time I am literally betraying him by falling in love with my biggest nightmare. I think this is some kind of curse. I see that V. is in really bad mental state and he too experienced a rejecting so somehow we both think that we are cursed but I am so scared that I will disappoint him again. I am constantly telling him that i am here to support him and I am always ready to help him and we even made plans how we gonna go out to caffes when we move and study in uni but I am so scared that I gonna love him forever and he wont ever see me in that way. I am so scared that I will be his fr but in the same time I will watch him how he find a real love and be happy and me gonna be there just suffering for whole eternity. Please just someone tell me that I have chance. Someone just make me feel that I am not a trash who will leave a real boy just to suffer for someone who probably wont ever love me back
BaileyB Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 (edited) Here's the thing... the decisions you make will determine your life. YOU are in control, and YOU make the decisions. You can chose to leave a good relationship to chase after a man who clearly has given you no indication that he wants to be anything more than your friend. I mean, he has rejected you in the past and treated you badly... why would you even consider this again? Or, you can wait around, wasting the time that could be spent enjoying an actual relationship... waiting to see if this man will decide to date you again. Unrequited love is awful. I wouldn't advise this. You can't have both. If you decide to give this other guy a chance, you need to break up with your boyfriend. To do anything less is unfair to him. It's totally your decision. But, can I just ask... why are you so dependent on these relationships? You are young, you should be studying and enjoying your time with friends... not "crying and suffering" because a relationship doesn't work out. That's not healthy - another man should not have to come along to "save" you... live your life! Edited March 11, 2018 by BaileyB 3
kendahke Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 We can't make you feel anything. You are being unfair to the guy you're in the LDR with. The issues between you and the ex didn't evaporate just because this mother died. Once he's gotten past this vulnerable state, the part of him that ended things with you is going to re-emerge and you will have messed up what you did have with the other guy chasing a do-over with the ex. What you decide depends upon how badly you want to get burned again by the same guy doing the same thing. 4
Imajerk17 Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 (edited) I am a girl, 19 years old,finishing school this year. So the story begins like 4 years ago when I was deeply in love with one classmate - V. Everyone was thinking that I we like each other and V. was sharing with me everything,he was calling me a muse and etc.Then I decided to confess to him and he rejected me. I fell in big depression because he was my first love and after that he changed his behavior towards me and started behaving like ****. After almost 2 years of constant crying and suffering my life changed for like 1 week. I literally went on holiday and met one boy who saved me from this suffering and made me forget V. Since two years I am in long distance rel. with him and everything was so perfect until 4months ago. My life decided to bring back my first love. Last year, when I was in school he was like invisible to me, I don't remember even once talking to him but the autumn of 2017 the things changed. The mother of V. passed away unexpectedly and his life got really bad. I couldn't stop myself and I forgave everything he has done to me because I could see how much he is suffering. He wanted me back in his life as a friend and I was absolutely ok with that.He was sorry, he was blaming himself. Me and V. became big friends again. We literally chat every day and he shares with me his deepest fears and secrets. He even jokes that I know everything about him. Some nights I wake up at 4 am and I see that he is online and I chat with him until 6 am in the morning. Probably u have guessed by now that step by step V. made me fall in love again. And here I am with a bf who loves me and have plans to live with me and in the same time I am literally betraying him by falling in love with my biggest nightmare. I think this is some kind of curse. I see that V. is in really bad mental state and he too experienced a rejecting so somehow we both think that we are cursed but I am so scared that I will disappoint him again. I am constantly telling him that i am here to support him and I am always ready to help him and we even made plans how we gonna go out to caffes when we move and study in uni but I am so scared that I gonna love him forever and he wont ever see me in that way. I am so scared that I will be his fr but in the same time I will watch him how he find a real love and be happy and me gonna be there just suffering for whole eternity. Please just someone tell me that I have chance. Someone just make me feel that I am not a trash who will leave a real boy just to suffer for someone who probably wont ever love me back Well, I'm not going to try to talk you out of getting with V because that never works. You DO need to tell you long-distance bf what is happening in the meanwhile though. Here is the thing though OP, "your life" or "Fate" or "The Universe", or "some kind of curse", or what have you, didn't "bring you back" to anything. You are DECIDING to cheat on your long-term boyfriend with V. Let's start by calling things as they actually are here. I understand you are fairly young but you need to realize that part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your decisions and actions. You just aren't doing that right now. Edited March 11, 2018 by Imajerk17 5
BaileyB Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 Here is the thing though OP, "your life" or "Fate" or "The Universe", or "some kind of curse", or what have you, didn't "bring you back" to anything. You are DECIDING to cheat on your long-term boyfriend with V. I understand you are fairly young but you need to realize that part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your decisions and actions. You just aren't doing that right now. This may in fact be a cultural difference. Some cultures tend to be more superstitious in their beliefs. But, I definitely agree with your post. Nothing is happening here OP that you do not want, and have not chosen for yourself.
smackie9 Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 V treated you badly because he didn't want to give you any hope. Right now he's thinking you have moved on and things are kosher. My experience, I had a male friend that was in your shoes. I had to reject him, and years later I thought he was over it...boy was I wrong. He was never over me. To this day, decades later, he still stalks me. I suggest you seek out counseling and find out why you are obsessing this guy so bad. It's not love, it's an obsession. You are addicted to the feeling you get when you fantasize about being with him....that's an issue that needs to be addressed with a therapist. Get help. 1
preraph Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 V will never see you that way. He already rejected you romantically. He likes you as a platonic friend. He is leaning on you. His mother died and now he's leaning on you for maternal love. It's more like dependency for him than anything else. You're filling an element. Now you're a mother figure. No romance is likely ever to come from that. I really think you need to start distancing yourself from him again. This is too painful for you and although I see no future for your long-distance relationship simply because it's long distance, you have already let this guy who rejected you and said he didn't want you like that to start eroding your other relationship. You'll end up wasting years on this guy if you don't decide to distance yourself. Rationally, you must know that it makes no sense to love someone who doesn't love you and who rejected you. At some point, you have to face reality and accept that V is not who you hoped he'd be. You're projecting your ideal guy in your head on him and trying to make the pieces fit. They don't. I'm sorry. It sounds painful. But remember that you being a nice girl wasn't enough to make him fall for you before, and it still isn't. People hardly ever change their minds once they've decided they're not attracted in that way. I'm sorry. Preserve your sanity and stop wasting time on V. 1
winny Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 BAD BAD BAD BAD decision! STOP it with V. I am sure he has other family and friends to take care of him and be there for him. You got over him once so you can get over him again. And don't do this to the other guy. He doesn't deserve this! Stop being selfish. Once V feels okay, he will throw you out of his life. 1
mortensorchid Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 Sweetheart, don't do this with V. Yes, I understand he was your first love and you went through a lot with him. But you can't have things like you did the first time around with him no matter how much you try. Because you will try and V won't. He will go back to his old ways, not just with you but any other woman out there. Twenty years from now, you will not be the same person you are today. Trust me. And twenty years from now you will look back on V and shake your head at how foolish you were. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you to learn so much about others and yourself. We are all directly responsible for the choices we make. Sometimes we make good ones, other times we make bad ones. But we live with it. Move on from V.
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