nightwhisper Posted March 9, 2018 Posted March 9, 2018 Hello lovely people. Hope you can give me some advice and point me in the right direction. I'll try to explain my relationship and its demise in a short way. About 7 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We first went on a break, he wanted some time to figure out what he wanted (was his first relationship), after that we decided to work things out, but a week or two later he did it again. I admit I screwed up a lot, as my health issues and the break we went through were making me more nervous and needy than I actually am, so I fully blame myself for what happened. After a breakup I became quite depressed, tried going NC but it was broken by both of us at some point. Went on some dates, but that only proved how special he was and that I thought he was my perfect man that I managed to screw things up with. Didn't contact him much. In the last two months we didn't talk at all. Thought it's for the best, and from some previous experiences I hoped that if he needed me or missed me, he would initiate contact on his own. I was starting to do better, depression subsided quite a bit, I got a new job, worked on my degree, (hopefully) got rid of some negative qualities I had before, etc. We still had each other on social networks and other platforms. I would check up on him, but he doesn't post much if at all. I was quite sad that he never reached out to find out how I was doing and felt like he found someone else. You can feel where this is going. Facebook flashed the announcement of his new relationship right in my face. It felt like another breakup, I couldn't move, eat or do anything, I was and am still devastated. I know it's a reasonable time for him to start a new relationship, but I can't cope with a thought of him choosing her over me. Now recently he has done other things that confuse me and hurt at the same time. I unfortunately noticed he unliked my photos on a social network, and changed some chat settings we had on facebook for which a notification popped up today, which prompted a lot of hurt and this post. The reason for why I haven't removed all of his social media is that I (unfortunately) still care for him. I wished we could be friends at some point, and I don't want to completely lose touch with him as we have no other point of connection (we live in different countries, long distance at the beginning). I was thinking to message him about his weird behavior (that we don't need to act like this) which would possibly cause him to lash out and delete me, or should I just pretend like I didn't notice it? It hurts like hell thinking that someone else is with him and that he tries to cut me out in these weird ways. I suppose I should delete him off all networks, but as I said, I can't find the strength to do it. I can't imagine never seeing anything from him again, and knowing myself, I'll still end up looking him up.
Zahara Posted March 9, 2018 Posted March 9, 2018 It hurts like hell thinking that someone else is with him and that he tries to cut me out in these weird ways. I'm not sure what you mean when you say he's deleting you in weird ways but he may be removing you out of respect for his new relationship or it may be because his partner is requesting for him to eliminate contact with an ex. You note that you're keeping him on your social media because you want to be friends at some point. Well, friend's at some point isn't likely going to happen if you keep digging at your wound. Plus, you're in different countries -- chances are you both will move on from each other and likely never have any contact. If you do want contact/friendship, well, you can't when you are emotional. Maybe once you've moved on and you are in a better place, you can reach out but even then, he may not want the same thing. Don't message him. He does not owe you anything or any explanations. Your hurt is your responsibility. If you don't have the courage to block him for now, then at least deactivate your profiles/unsubscribe to his profiles/block notifications. Do something. You can't have it both ways. You either accept that he's moved on and embrace your pain or stay crippled by him indefinitely. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 9, 2018 Posted March 9, 2018 Please do not message him, OP. I know it hurts, but it's really not your place. He doesn't owe you anything anymore. If anything, use this as the sign you needed to finally let go of him. Being friends isn't a realistic prospect at this point, and probably won't be for a long time. Until you get to a place where you are neutral about him having a new relationship, you aren't ready for any kind of friendship. 2
AwkwardRobot Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Letting go of someone you still have feelings for is really hard, but it's the only way to get those feelings to diminish. If he's dating someone new, he's moved on and so should you. Best of luck.
TunaCat Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 My ex became "FB official" with one of our mutual friends only 3 weeks after the breakup. I know he messaged me a few hours before the "announcement" and I'm sure that was supposed to warn me, but I never read any of the messages (he sent me 3 in total in the weeks after the breakup) and I still don't know what any of them said. Do not message him OP. You don't want him knowing that he's still on your mind.
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Not sure why deleting you off his social media while he has a new girlfriend would warrant you to message him?
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