Long distance break up but Im moving there!- is there light at the end of the tunnel?

[jwsnaps]

So... my now ex and I dated for 5 months, we were both living overseas away from our home countries for several yeas and met over online dating. After our second date we were inseperable! Things were great, we had some disputes but we talked it out and everything would be fine.

 

About 2 months in she got a job offer out of the blue for her dream job (she was doing very well where she was as well), the job is located back at home in London and she would have to start that job within 45 days! I was supportive and told her to accept it! I was excited for her and I assumed that meant we would break up, but on the contrary she didnt want to and we kept dating. Within a week we started talking about me possibly moving to London so we could stay together and decided thats what we would do. She then invited me to meet her family in England and stay with them for xmas! So I did and it went amazing! We grew so close and had a great time, her family loved me too and they are all very very close, her mother even asked me when we were going to get married! She must have told them I was the one.

 

So after this we're back where we met and getting all of her stuff sorted to move which was very stressful and caused some disputes but it was a ot for a new couple, I was in the process of looking for work as well so I could join her in London soon. We decided to do long distance for a couple of months so she could get set up and I could get my end sorted to join. So we did long distance all of January and it went ok, she got us a place, a new car and everything from the apartment to the license plate on the car she had us/ me in mind.

 

We started to have a few arguments over text towards the end of Jan, mostly miscommunications but she was getting irritated for sure and I was becomming really insecure, I dont do long distance well thats for sure We then set up a visit for me to see her in London for valentines day for 5 days and see the new town and place etc. Well, I screwed up a but and we got in an arguement valentines day and the tone of the trip was put off a bit but we still had some fun and spent time with her family/ parents etc which went well.

 

I headed back home and for the next week things seems a little tense and then we talk on the phone and she brings up that she might not want to continue being together but needs to think about it (she was crying and sobbing and saying sorry) So I gave her two days and we set up and time to talk but I just couldnt give her space and I rushed it by bringing it up the morning of the day we were going to speak (we were going to speak that eveninng). She wasnt happy about it and broke up with me without a whole lot of emotion but she kept saying how sorry she was and she wants to stay in touch and "see what happens" and she told me she would "never say never" to me when I asked if this is really the end.

 

I spent the next week trying to get her to change her mind and she hinted that she might be conviced and she was torn. I also decided that I'm already commited to moving and so Im going to move anyways, I was gonna be there within 30 days. I then gave her some space NC after an arguemnt and on the evening of the second day of NC she texted me referring to an inside joke, I kept it light and went back to NC.

 

But my mind went a bit crazy and we would chat lighty but then I would keep trying to throw in how I missed her and pretty much went back to trying to get her back but not blowing up her phone, I just kept mentioning it instead of playing it cool. This all led to her messaging me yesterday to say "leave me alone, were not together. keeping in touch isnt working because you cant keep things light. Every contact weve had recently makes me upset and you're pushing me further away from you. I still want to have dinner when you move here and I will contact you in a while to see how you're getting on. But if you keep this up then we will have to cut off contact all together". Something along those lines.

 

So I didnt reply and thats where things are. I broke down after getting that message and almost threw up, I was so emotional and I realized, even though I had told her I love her, that I really do love this woman, like real love. I hadnt cried about anything in like 15 years, even over losses when I was in the military didnt hit me this hard. So thats my story in a nutshell, I knew I was pushing her away but I didnt have self control. Im not going to contact her, were still friends on facebook and im not blocked anywhere so she'll know whats going on when I move etc and it'll be up to her to get in touch with me.

 

I guess I want to know if shes kind of left a door open for us or it was just out of pitty, in every exchange that she told me she didnt want to get back together or an argument since the break up she alwasy made sure to say lets be friedns now and see what happens and even in that last harsh leave me alone text she still expressed that she wants to get pizza when im moved over (she had told me beofre that we should get a slice and take it from there). Shes never said i dont want to see you again or anything like that. I really want to see if I can sort this out when I move in the next 25-30 days. (probably after I get settled in there).

 

Your thoughts and experience is appreciated thanks!

[CantTakeMySmile]

do you already have a job lined up there?

[jwsnaps]

do you already have a job lined up there?

I do but I won't be officially hired until I am present with my visa. Thats the only thing stopping me from moving next week, it's being processed. But I don't think going there now will make a difference, she made it clear she wants her space.

[CantTakeMySmile]

I would rethink moving.

[jwsnaps]

I've thought about it and I wouldn't move if it was just about her but it isn't. I have been considering a move for a while and the process would still be the same either way, the fact that she was a part of that was definitely a bonus, but doesnt change the fact that I was going to move away from where I am anyways. Do you have an opinion on the rest of the story?

[CantTakeMySmile]

She wants to be left alone by you. Don't take it as hurtful, but I know it does hurt.

 

 

She wanted to talk in a casual way, but you took advantage of that, so she wants to cut all ties. I am sure you know that.

 

 

Do you have living arrangements made?

[jwsnaps]

Yeah I recognize that she wants to be left alone right now. I'm slightly confused why she still wants to grab dinner and see how it goes when I've moved. I think if she wanted to cut all ties then facebook and not leaving any opening would be off of the table, dint you think? I do have living arangements made.

[CantTakeMySmile]

I don’t Understand how social media plays a part in breakups. I have never blocked or been blocked. I would guess someone would only block someone if they were mad ( she is not) or if it bothered them seeing the other person move on (she’s not) so probably why she didn’t block you. I don’t see a why to read into that. And meet up for dinner? Isn’t that just kinda what people say? Something like “let’s get together when you are settled in?”

[jwsnaps]

Well neither one of us have posted anything on Facebook since the breakup, neither one of us is big into all of the social media platforms besides fb. I did post a night out with the boys last weekend and she did get pissed off and raised her voice on the phone like it was meant to hurt her or something.

 

There are those little details that I didn’t put into the original text but I do see your perspective and I see what you see. But I also want to get her back after this NC period. If I don’t try I know I’ll regret it for a very long time. Guess you don’t truly know what you have until it’s gone.

[Yosemite]

We started to have a few arguments over text towards the end of Jan, mostly miscommunications but she was getting irritated for sure and I was becomming really insecure

 

Well, I screwed up a but and we got in an arguement valentines day and the tone of the trip was put off a bit but we still had some fun and spent time with her family/ parents etc which went well.

What were these arguments about? Were you accusing her of cheating?

 

I thought that it was very difficult to get a Visa to stay in the UK...won't you have to leave after six months?

[jwsnaps]

When she broke up with me i wasn’t completely sure why, after a couple days talking/texting she explained that she didn’t think we “get eachother” enough anymore and listed the instances that led to this. Things like me getting frustrated and snapping at her, the argument on Valentine’s Day was regarding a job interview I had the next day and she was expressing that she wasn’t a fan of the terms of the potential contract and I got defensive instead of just listening. I let the stress of it all and my insecurities get to me with the one person who was always on my side.

 

And really the other stuff were just crossed wires over text and stuff, this led her to believe that we don’t understand eachother apparently. I think the distanace really took a toll and she had also said that she wasn’t 100% convinced that I was even going to move, so she felt like we were just in limbo.

 

I will have a 2 year visa to work in the UK. Our plan was for me to do that visa and we were going to get married within the next 2 years. She even offered to sponsor me and I turned it down because I didn’t want to put too much pressure on her.

 

I think there’s still a chance once I’m actually physically there that things could work out.

Edited March 10, 2018 by jwsnaps

[Yosemite]

Kind of sounds like reality intruded on your fantasy, overseas, love affair and when real life hit and the long distance took its toll, things started to fall apart. Maybe it will come back together once you move there, maybe it won’t, only time will tell. Good luck.