Author JimmyNYC Posted March 10, 2018 Author Posted March 10, 2018 (edited) Jimmy, this is yet another nuance of the ongoing debate over traditional vs. progressive values and customs in the dating-mating game. Kudos to JuneL for recognizing how this topic intertwines with the "paying for dates" discussion (which has been debated ad nauseam)..... Sal, very interesting post. I agree with it. I'm into dating the progressive types not the traditionalists. Women want equal pay equal work and alll that then they can share in the dating expenses and risk. Fact is, there are many women out there using men for drinks and dinners and have not sensitivity to what we go through. you explain the differences between traditionalist and progressives well and it is a very interesting topic and discussion. [] [] Edited March 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content
Highndry Posted March 10, 2018 Posted March 10, 2018 This thread diversion delves into some interesting stuff about dating these days. My ex was all about feminism, equal rights, etc. (which I have no problem with) when it suited her, but preferred traditional when it came to money matters and such ie. wanted me to pretty much pay for everything. It got really old as there was no reciprocity to my generousness. 1
Highndry Posted March 10, 2018 Posted March 10, 2018 (edited) Sal, very interesting post. I agree with it. I'm into dating the progressive types not the traditionalists. Women want equal pay equal work and alll that then they can share in the dating expenses and risk. Fact is, there are many women out there using men for drinks and dinners and have not sensitivity to what we go through. you explain the differences between traditionalist and progressives well and it is a very interesting topic and discussion. [] [] Eh, you should toughen up a little. [] Edited March 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to redacted content redacted 1
Author JimmyNYC Posted March 10, 2018 Author Posted March 10, 2018 Are you going on the date, orrrr...? Yes, I did text her and she responded. It's 6:28pm here in the great city of New York and we are going on a date tonight. So I'll see how that goes. Thanks to everyone who gave constructive criticism and advice. 2
lovephule Posted March 10, 2018 Posted March 10, 2018 Yes, I did text her and she responded. It's 6:28pm here in the great city of New York and we are going on a date tonight. So I'll see how that goes. Thanks to everyone who gave constructive criticism and advice. Hallelujah! Get your mind right, just focus on connecting with her and enjoying yourselves. 1
Author JimmyNYC Posted March 10, 2018 Author Posted March 10, 2018 Hallelujah! Get your mind right, just focus on connecting with her and enjoying yourselves. Thank you!
JuneL Posted March 10, 2018 Posted March 10, 2018 Eh, you should toughen up a little. ^^^ This, 100 times!
Yomachi Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 Jimmy, this is yet another nuance of the ongoing debate over traditional vs. progressive values and customs in the dating-mating game. Kudos to JuneL for recognizing how this topic intertwines with the "paying for dates" discussion (which has been debated ad nauseam). I would venture a guess that those who used a testy tone with you for expecting a woman to communicate interest, and make it feel safe––meet you half way, so to speak––are the staunch traditionalists that object to splitting the check. There are a lot of traditionalists here; their arguments tend to be along the lines of but that's how it's always been, it's how I was raised or that's what makes me feel attracted. There is no actual right or wrong, just preferences. Sorry, I must have been missing something. She did express interest, non? Jimmy said he wanted to plan a date, a day later she planned the date. I personally think that there are different norms for OLD than traditional dating, and Jimmy might not be familiar with the new norms. Lots of people manage to be extraordinary charming the first date. Lots of people also manage to screw everything up the second date. Maybe it's politics. Maybe it's religion. Maybe suddenly you find out they think 9/11 was an inside job. That people don't immediately delete their dating profiles after 1 great date just means there a lot of crazies on OLD and there's no way to tell them apart from the great guys after only 1 date. It's not a value judgement on Jimmy. With traditional dating, you at least know you share friends/collegues with the person, so if they were awful you would presumably have been warned in advance.
Author JimmyNYC Posted March 11, 2018 Author Posted March 11, 2018 I personally think that there are different norms for OLD than traditional dating, and Jimmy might not be familiar with the new norms. Lots of people manage to be extraordinary charming the first date. Lots of people also manage to screw everything up the second date. Maybe it's politics. Maybe it's religion. Maybe suddenly you find out they think 9/11 was an inside job. That people don't immediately delete their dating profiles after 1 great date just means there a lot of crazies on OLD and there's no way to tell them apart from the great guys after only 1 date. It's not a value judgement on Jimmy. Hi. What are these different "norms" in OLD that I may be unfamiliar with? I'm curious. I agree with your statement that people can "manage to extraordinarily charming on the first date" and then things can go south quickly on the second date when the real them or you comes out. General dating statement. "That people don't immediately delete their dating profiles after 1 great date...". Just for the record, I never said that nor expected her to "delete" her profile after one or two or even 3 dates. Never said that. What I did say is that I found it odd she ADDED NEW PICTURES after our first date. Thank you.
Yomachi Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 Hi. What are these different "norms" in OLD that I may be unfamiliar with? I'm curious. I agree with your statement that people can "manage to extraordinarily charming on the first date" and then things can go south quickly on the second date when the real them or you comes out. General dating statement. "That people don't immediately delete their dating profiles after 1 great date...". Just for the record, I never said that nor expected her to "delete" her profile after one or two or even 3 dates. Never said that. What I did say is that I found it odd she ADDED NEW PICTURES after our first date. Thank you. Traditional dating: You meet someone by relative coincidence, through family or friends. Since it's relatively coincidental it takes effort to feel out if someone is single / interested etc. You also already know something about them (otherwise you wouldn't have met). It would be weird to ask a friend to set up a blind date while you already went on a first date with the guy you met from guitar practice. Online dating: You're both actively looking for a relationship. It takes some time to become comfortable to meet someone in person, since you have to make sure they're not a serial killer. Then it takes some time to set up a meeting. Then it takes up some time to set up a second meeting. Can you see why it makes more sense to meet a group of people for a first date and not directly torpedo all your connections as soon as you go on a single first date? Because then you have to rebuild all those connections again, while the chance the date is a dud is quite high. It's a bit like finding a book on the street, and actively going to a bookshop to look for books. I'd actually advice you to also (if it doesn't pan out with this woman) try to multidate for the first few dates. Keeps you from overanalyzing their every move.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 "That people don't immediately delete their dating profiles after 1 great date...". Just for the record, I never said that nor expected her to "delete" her profile after one or two or even 3 dates. Never said that. What I did say is that I found it odd she ADDED NEW PICTURES after our first date. Thank you. I would advise you to just stay off Tinder after the first and/or second dates.....what you don't see can't hurt you. So, how was the date? 2
Maggie4 Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 I say it again: Positive attitude is the key to success in dating. If you are told you are wrong to perceive this woman's actions the way you did, that means if you change your stance, the sun can come out. If you are told this woman is no good (she's game playing, double standards, this or that type), that means it's over. You don't need sympathy on this forum. You are here for people to help you open new doors by suggesting a different way of looking at things. Different? That sometimes means contradicting or argueing with you, because it involves trying to change your mind. Just remember: Be positive, think the best in people, and dating will be a more positive experience. 2
Versacehottie Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 (edited) []I go back to what several of us have said that it is too soon for you to be dating. Maybe that is why you are more sensitive than normal and in your original post added the unnecessary to your current story but relevant to you--that you had a devastating breakup in october. It kinda tells the story. You are still hurting and have baggage from that. You won't present your best with others when you feel this way and it will become a perpetual cycle that more dating failures (primarily because you are not ready and in right headspace) will make you more bitter, more insecure and more down on yourself. I mean just rationally, there has to be some reason why the majority of the responses are leaning in a similar direction, no? Just a thought. Edited March 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to deleted content redacted; topical content retained 1
William Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 (edited) So it appears Moderator ~T has expelled our hydra [a specific disruptive banned and banned and banned member] and I'll add that we'll consider all assertions of irrationality to be resolved and further will state that such assertions can, if allowed, be leveled at all members here, which is why we don't allow such discussion talking points because they serve no constructive purpose besides being against our civility and respect guidelines. -> If/when wishing clarifications of any moderation directive, hit that 'alert us' button on the directive and moderation will be happy to give you a private reply I hope we can move forward with a clear understanding of this directive and continue to address the topic. Thanks! Edited March 11, 2018 by William Clarifications sought and provided and thread cleaned up
iVisa Posted March 11, 2018 Posted March 11, 2018 Is it an envy for your last rejection? Why do you treat her like that? It's not her fault that you're broken. Women want to feel that you try to do a good impression. But you are not trying. She is trying. She can feel that you're not interested in her. Forget about your exes and start a new chapter. You can be broken again always, but taking a risk is worth if you want to find a love.
lolablue17 Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 Online dating can be very frustrating for many reasons, and one of them is that vauge "code" you need to use. Now, everyone has their own unique code, never the same, so it's a potential for constant misunderstanding situations. These misunderstandig element can mislead and hurt. And many times people hurt you not because they want to, but they're afraid of being hurt thermselves. So if you use online dating, you need to be more patient, and don't jump into conclusions about the other side while trying to interpret their code.
Recommended Posts