Author oneinamillion93 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 Don't waste your time with guys that don't make definite plans, they're most likely just being nice and trying to fade away without rejecting you. And it also shows they're really not putting any effort into the interaction if they can't come up with an idea for a date it weird because he always so attentive. after I reached out he even reply to me faster than before, and bamn, bailed again. I think some people just have this habit. they want to be in a relationship but too coward and awkward, they preferred to talk and text online/msg mora than meeting person to person, I was like this before so I know the feeling, meeting face to face seems a bit too stressful for them.
Grey40 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 it weird because he always so attentive. after I reached out he even reply to me faster than before, and bamn, bailed again. I think some people just have this habit. they want to be in a relationship but too coward and awkward, they preferred to talk and text online/msg mora than meeting person to person, I was like this before so I know the feeling, meeting face to face seems a bit too stressful for them. It's not a habit, it's just a sign of low interest. Texting is very little effort and not time consuming really. So therefore, Texting and replying to messages means nothing, and that's why asking people out on definite dates is such a much better use of time because you find out exactly how interested they actually are without beating around the bush. If you are talking to guy via text or online and they don't ask you out on a date within a week, I think you should move on immediately, or bring up meeting yourself--if they don't make definite plans, move on. Could also be the case that the guy is using fake pictures or old pictures online and he's afraid to actually meet because you'll see how unattractive he really is. Why people do this I can't explain because it defeats the entire purpose of going on these apps. 1
Author oneinamillion93 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 It's not a habit, it's just a sign of low interest. Texting is very little effort and not time consuming really. So therefore, Texting and replying to messages means nothing, and that's why asking people out on definite dates is such a much better use of time because you find out exactly how interested they actually are without beating around the bush. If you are talking to guy via text or online and they don't ask you out on a date within a week, I think you should move on immediately, or bring up meeting yourself--if they don't make definite plans, move on. Could also be the case that the guy is using fake pictures or old pictures online and he's afraid to actually meet because you'll see how unattractive he really is. Why people do this I can't explain because it defeats the entire purpose of going on these apps. but this is someone i was introduced, well again i never meet him so i understand, everything is possible. we talked for like a week or so and he asked me out. anyway I felt kinda relief tho, i can move on now since i do whatever i think i need to do to satisfied myself. thanks for your words again!
Grey40 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 but this is someone i was introduced, well again i never meet him so i understand, everything is possible. we talked for like a week or so and he asked me out. anyway I felt kinda relief tho, i can move on now since i do whatever i think i need to do to satisfied myself. thanks for your words again! No problem, but keep in mind, he didn't really ask you out..he said Dinner and then never followed through and made actual plans. You didn't do anything wrong. He simply wasn't serious. The only thing you could have did was ask him "so when do you want to get dinner?" And I 100% guarantee you right then and there he would have said some excuse that he can't this week.
Author oneinamillion93 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 No problem, but keep in mind, he didn't really ask you out..he said Dinner and then never followed through and made actual plans. You didn't do anything wrong. He simply wasn't serious. The only thing you could have did was ask him "so when do you want to get dinner?" And I 100% guarantee you right then and there he would have said some excuse that he can't this week. i decided to not talking and move on already. what a waste of time and emotion. i'll take note for this time to improve for the next
act00 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 I will be pushy about place, time, day. I've been stood up and last-minute cancelled on, or a date simply not forthcoming if you leave it open, so I've learned to nail it down. Immediately. This allows a level to gauge by. Most people have a general idea what their plan is if they extend a date...why plan a date if your plans are up in the air with potential scheduling issues or other plans? If they're really reluctant to form a solid plan, they're probably wishy-washy about you, keeping the door open for better things, and more likely to avoid planning or cancel/not show. So when someone asks you out for Friday or Saturday, state, "I would love to go out on Friday (Saturday)." Go from there. Where? What time? This also lets them know you have an interest...you're not nicely saying, "That sounds good" with hopes the topic never comes up again...which is probably what they're thinking if you're less than enthusiastic. You need to reciprocate. This guy was wishy-washy at best, and I kind of wonder if there was some pressure on him to ask you out or fix him up from your friends, and he's just not in that place he wants to date, or he likes you well enough, but not girlfriend material or something. This is nothing personal against you. You yourself were concerned if your lifestyles meshed with this man, and when you get friends and family all mixed up in your dating life, it can cause you to pursue something you're just not really wanting to do because of pressure and expectations. But for me, the bottom line on your question of getting plans set up, defintiley be more assertive, "I would really like that," and say a day, and don't be afraid to take it a step further, "What do you have in mind?" or toss out an idea, "What do you think about...<insert idea>?"
bathtub-row Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 I have never in my life had to be pushy about nailing down a date and time when a guy asked me out. I mean, if a woman has to do that she’s either dealing with someone who’s completely socially inept, or not all that interested. Whichever the scenario is, he can go away. 3
smackie9 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 Ya when I was dating I discovered this type of guy that was lukewarm, wishy-washy about making plans. It was almost liked they just said it to please you but had no intention of doing it. I get it, you think "Why even bother talking to me then?" People are weird. 2
Author oneinamillion93 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 I have never in my life had to be pushy about nailing down a date and time when a guy asked me out. I mean, if a woman has to do that she’s either dealing with someone who’s completely socially inept, or not all that interested. Whichever the scenario is, he can go away. i never done this before as well, but since i thought it maybe me was vague so he backed down i decided to reach out. So weird that after i reached out to him he seemed like he's into it as well, attentive and making plans etc. Now i learned that in whatever case it is if a guy done this women should never reach out. EVER. Ya when I was dating I discovered this type of guy that was lukewarm, wishy-washy about making plans. It was almost liked they just said it to please you but had no intention of doing it. I get it, you think "Why even bother talking to me then?" People are weird. yep people are weird. I think they're flake by nature. he is the one asking for mine first, not me hitting on him, really weird indeed
PRW Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 (edited) The reason I think you should reach out was because your acceptance of the date was extremely lacklustre. He probably thinks you're only half interested. If you'd answered with "Sounds great. What's the plan?" you wouldn't be confused right now. This is on you, not on him. It is on both. It was his job to be specific in the first place. It was her job to require specifics before "kinda saying yes". I suspect he is the weak, insecure, low-confidence type. Probably scared to actually go on the date. After all, he didn't pursue this on his own,...somebody had to play "matchmaker" to get any action happening. People only play matchmaker when they don't think you are capable on your own. Edited March 13, 2018 by PRW
Author oneinamillion93 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 It is on both. It was his job to be specific in the first place. It was her job to require specifics before "kinda saying yes". I suspect he is the weak, insecure, low-confidence type. Probably scared to actually go on the date. After all, he didn't pursue this on his own,...somebody had to play "matchmaker" to get any action happening. People only play matchmaker when they don't think you are capable on your own. as i stated in one of my reply, I suspect it as well since he's hesitant to make decisions. He scared to go out of hid comfort zone. but nothing that matter anymore, I already have my finalise about this whole situation.
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