cubbbb Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 Well, at a very weak moment I broke NC, and got emotionally body slammed. For many of you out there that are considering breaking NC, also consider the repercussions that can take place. I recieved a voicemail from my EX (of about 3 months now).. She has been calling/messaging about every 10 days or so (I'm assuming to keep me strung along in stand by mode), and I have been very good about not responding. I was dating this woman for 1 1/2 years (constant drama), and thought it might be ok to return her phone call. She called me from her mothers house in the morning, and I returned the phone call several hours later. Her mother mistakened my voice, for her new boyfriends and was asking me to stop at the store for her to pick some things up.. OUCH! I then called my EX's house while I was in "Shock Mode" and got all the sordid details, that I definately DID NOT want to hear. Unless you enjoy hearing your ex tell you about how great the new guy is, and how long and many times they have slept together, then I recommend not returning any phone calls. If you don't have a sadistic fetish for hearing about the new guy thats bangin your ex girl, then I suggest strict NC until you feel without a doubt that you could walk up to her with his tongue down her throat and you wouldn't even care in the slightest bit. If her mother didn't slip and mistaken me for her new boyfriend, then I'm sure my ex would have just strung me along, like so many other times in the past. By, the way, at the end of the conversation she slipped in "I Love You More. I don't love him, I just was tired of being lonely. BLAH BLAH BLAH".. I realize, that she still was attempting to keep me danglin on the line, somewhere behind her Love Boat, but damn. I'm 32 years old, and she is older than I. I'm definately tired of these games. This happened several days ago, and I'm still reelin. I was getting over her, and was moving on, then a flood of old feelings came back in an instant. Jist of the story, until your heart is totally mended, don't respond unless your a glutton for punishment. Your wound will reopen just like it did upon your initial break up. Remember those feelings? Don't forget them, until you CAN forget them.
dreaming4ever Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 Wow! How insensitive of her to share all those details with you when she must know that you're still hurting. Thanks for the advice though, I'm staying FAR away from my ex, don't want those feelings to come back (we've been broken up for a bit over a month now)....I'm attempting to move on and I suggest you do the same.
Author cubbbb Posted August 28, 2005 Author Posted August 28, 2005 She lived in a small town, and she moved 20 miles north to a city, so I moved in 20 miles in the other direction, just to start out fresh, and still be close to my 9 year old who I have every other weekend. I really didn't want to hear about her new relationship(s) (I think there will be quite a few, because I can't imagine many others putting up with as much as I did. LOL). Maybe its a good thing that I found out a few days ago because I was going to go back to my old town (where we were together), and pop in at the local bar on my way back from dropping off my kid, and have some drinks with old acquaintances that will surely be in there. If I do stop in, I'm sure I'll be hearing all about this new guy. Apparently he just moved to that location, shortly after I moved. Part of me wants to go in there regardless. Put on my best face, and act like I don't have a worry in the world. I'm sure the news that I'm the happiest guy alive would filter on back to her. Then again, I'm not sure if I would be able to pull it off, and keep a genuine smile on, if the Ex and the new guy would happen to be in there. I just hate the fact that I showed a lot of weakness when I talked to her on the phone the other day when I heard the news about her new boyfriend. I showed a lot of jealousy, some good ole "poor me" pathetic emotions. I was more caught up in the moment than anything. I wouldn't go back to her if she came crawling. We went back and forth too many times, with us both experiencing the "Dumper" and "Dumpee" roles. I want the upper hand back, and want to show a much stronger side.. LOL.. (I don't want her thinking I'm Pining over her. That would feed her narcissistic ego too much!!) Should I go this evening and have a few brews with old friends at the old hangout or not? Maybe flirt with some of the attractive girls that live there, that I never pursued because I was involved in a relationship.. Decisions, decisions..
dreaming4ever Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 You should definitely NOT go....if you really want to get past her, you wouldn't care about trying to look like you're over her. You just would focus on it and leave her in the past...
Author cubbbb Posted August 28, 2005 Author Posted August 28, 2005 Yes, you are very right, and are giving me the same advice I would give someone else. Isn't it funny how you can give "sound" and "rational" advice to someone else, but as far as your own personal matters, thats a different story!? Your emotional state of mind can push you in the wrong direction and leave you there, just "begging for trouble, and heartache"! LOL
dreaming4ever Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 Yes, I know exactly what you mean. After my ex and I broke up, I wanted to get back with him more than anything, not caring how dumb of an idea it was and my friends were all like "NO!!!!!!!!!! That feeling will pass, just give it time!!!" So I did and now I don't cry myself to sleep anymore and am moving on....and I'm happy! Who would've known
Mr.positive Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 Most people don't understand NC is just running away from your problems the next time you talk to them they'll still be there. Running is for pussys. It's a good thing that you talked to her now you really know whats going on and you can deal with it. Before you might have had doughts what her intention was. But now you can see it clearly. isnt that much better knowing the awnsers than wondering about it. good luck boss.
outdated Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 Most people don't understand NC is just running away from your problems the next time you talk to them they'll still be there. Running is for pussys. It's a good thing that you talked to her now you really know whats going on and you can deal with it. Before you might have had doughts what her intention was. But now you can see it clearly. isnt that much better knowing the awnsers than wondering about it. good luck boss. I agree with Mr. Positive in this case and in many cases. While I do advocate NC, there is a time when the doubts and wondering will get the best of you. Now you know that you have to move on unless you're a glutton for torture. While all this knowledge hurts right now, it will advance the moving on phase straight into the f*** her phase and you will be that much closer to being a free man. It worked for me, and it will work for you.
JS17 Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 I have to disagree with both of you. Unless you have children together, NC is an important part of the healing process. You also can't create your own life away from the person if they're still in your life. You have to come to the realization that you will probably never find the answers that you're looking for from your ex. Once you talk to them and get an answer you'll just wonder if they were telling you the truth. You can not heal if you are mourning and continue to drag up those old feelings during that period. Once you have recovered you will find that you either can or can not let go of the feelings.
Dean3922 Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 Some people love to give you all the details. They are trying to make you jealous and tell you that their life is moving forward without you. Just ignore them and don't sweat it. Being indifferent is the worst thing you can do to a drama queen.
Recommended Posts