What is happening?

[mrs rubble]

I still don't understand your logic. You think she's not interested or playing games because you've had to wait 6 hours for her reply. But previously you were silent for 2 days. We are all human beings, we all have feelings. She texted you 20 minutes after the first date. Doesn't that count for something?

I agree, waiting six hours for a text, there could be any reason why this happens. I sometimes don't reply to texts for hours, because they come through to me at work and we have terrible reception. They randomly ding in my pocket if I get a bit of reception I'll have a quick glance and if it's important I'll call the person back off the landline, otherwise I have to wait until I get out of the building to reply so it will send.

[Frogwife]

 

So I'll wait another full week (in the meantime talk to and date other women), and if I don't hear from her, I'll text her again and check in. Might say, "Hey haven't heard from you, guess the date didn't go as well as thought huh?".

 

Yikes, that's a great way to guarantee you never see her again... also why the rush to "date and talk to" other women...? Can't you (or anyone) just live your life without scrambling to meet people to fill the void of one lukewarm date?

[Gaeta]

She's a very busy girl, she works 4 jobs and in previous text encounters could take literally hours to respond,

 

Why did you pick her to date? She has no time.

 

When I was online I passed all those that worked around the clock or had different schedule than me. I wanted a boyfriend not a correspondent.

 

You need to better identify the good and the bad candidates. If you like seeing a woman a couple of times a week or more, if you like a woman that can keep in touch regularly, if you like someone that will be 'present' in your dating life then skip all those 'busy' women and keep searching.

[Gaeta]

Might say, "Hey haven't heard from you, guess the date didn't go as well as thought huh?"

 

Oh gawd. Don't say that. It's so passive aggressive. It shows you're pissed and can't take rejection like a man. She's nobody, you had 1 date with her. You were under the impression it was a great date and it was probably so-so to her. It's the name of the game. Just pass and go to next.

[Gaeta]

Honestly though, I've watched his stuff and one thing that I tend to agree with that has worked is to play it cool and not show her your feelings too soon. Women like the chase, they'll even admit that themselves sometimes. When they know a guy likes them, it's no longer interesting and not fun. They have the validation they need knowing they could have them. People want what they can't have to an extent.

 

And how has that been working for you?

 

Grey40: Do you read threads made by women on here? We all want a man to chase us, we all want him to be the one texting after the date and we all want him to touch base with us within 48 hours to set up the 2 date for later.

 

I would advice to stop touching and kissing on a first date. You can give her compliments and be flirty but keep some mystery in the air. If a man kissed and touched me on a 1st date I would think he's all over me and I'd question why exactly he's interested in me.

[Popsicle]

Well, Grey30, at least you have no shortage of dates.

[Versacehottie]

Oh gawd. Don't say that. It's so passive aggressive. It shows you're pissed and can't take rejection like a man. She's nobody, you had 1 date with her. You were under the impression it was a great date and it was probably so-so to her. It's the name of the game. Just pass and go to next.

 

yes I agree with Cautiously O, Final Word and Gaeta. Please don't say that. It's a really insecure and passive aggressive statement. Achieves nothing. Actually take that back, if there is a shred of a chance left, it annihilates it.

 

Know you are worth a lot to the right girl (and just in general with or without a girl) and assume she is not the right girl. If you proceed with that attitude, it will actually attract people to you.

 

And maybe you take things too literally? If she said I had a good time at the end of the date or text afterward, for future reference, it can be true but it also can just be something people say, i.e. not necessarily true or indicative of your future with her! It's polite and non-confrontational not a be all, end all.

 

I think when I am reading what you have said here, that your problem may be that you are relying too much on the tasks and to-do's, going through the motions that surround dating, asking for dates and making a connection, but are failing to create a spark or misreading emotional attachment from the other person. I think you need to get better at reading the other person--not so you can tell what is going to happen so much, but so that you can connect better with them. Maybe without this your personality is reading flat. It doesn't mean everyone will be for you but if you hide yourself and go through the motions, do all those right but aren't making a connection that could be it. I think also worrying about getting the tasks around dating, texting, all that right, you are actually coming off as a little insecure or boring.

 

The thing you said about wanting to physically escalate was a bit troubling. It just shows that you have a plan to push forward without reading the other person. I will have to quote it if you don't know what i mean. I am definitely for kissing on the first date--IF you feel like you want to (both parties)--I also don't think though that it will guarantee that you will have total success with a person. The way you wrote about that also felt like you are following a rule rather that gauging the other person. I think you feel you are picking the right moments so you are in the clear but overall you are missing the boat on connecting with the other person. Good luck

Edited March 7, 2018 by Versacehottie

[Gaeta]

I think when I am reading what you have said here, that your problem may be that you are relying too much on the tasks and to-do's, going through the motions that surround dating, asking for dates and making a connection, but are failing to create a spark or misreading emotional attachment from the other person.

 

Some men are under the impression there is a very specific recipe to win a woman over and if they do it right, all in the right order, with the good ingredients then 100% the woman is swept off of her feet. In all this grandiose plan to win her over they have not considered the 'human factor'. Women are human beings and may not connect with them even if the recipe is perfect because 'connecting' is something that happens or not, it's in no one's hands.

[Grey40]

Well she finally replied this morning to my 2nd date request saying “it’s been pretty busy. I don’t know yet, I’ll have to let you know!”. Typical girl speak for “no”. But once again, this is the kind of stuff she said for the first few weeks until we actually Met. Clearly a low level of interest, but at least she didn’t just ignore me totally.

[Gaeta]

Well she finally replied this morning to my 2nd date request saying “it’s been pretty busy. I don’t know yet, I’ll have to let you know!”. Typical girl speak for “no”. But once again, this is the kind of stuff she said for the first few weeks until we actually Met. Clearly a low level of interest, but at least she didn’t just ignore me totally.

 

What do you expect out of a girl that works 4 jobs?

 

Move to next.

[Versacehottie]

Well she finally replied this morning to my 2nd date request saying “it’s been pretty busy. I don’t know yet, I’ll have to let you know!”. Typical girl speak for “no”. But once again, this is the kind of stuff she said for the first few weeks until we actually Met. Clearly a low level of interest, but at least she didn’t just ignore me totally.

 

yeah it sounds low interest, definitely not a priority. Here's what you do: MIRROR what she gives you but with positivity confident, upbeat--not dejected. You sounded dejected in your post above and accepting crumbs (bolded). So what you should do, IMO, is say back: "Cool, let me know when you know. Talk soon."

 

A statement like that presumes that she WILL follow through (why not?) and that you will survive either way, not particularly tied to the outcome. This is what you want to convey in your interactions that will attract people to you (and up your self-confidence).

[Imajerk17]

Honestly though, I've watched his stuff and one thing that I tend to agree with that has worked is to play it cool and not show her your feelings too soon. Women like the chase, they'll even admit that themselves sometimes. When they know a guy likes them, it's no longer interesting and not fun. They have the validation they need knowing they could have them. People want what they can't have to an extent.

 

So, there's definitley a way to show you're interested and like them without being over-eager, and it's a fine line and kind of an artform. My last date that I posted about on here about a month ago, I took that direct approach on the second date and basically told her I was into her, and asked her out again the following day and she basically freaked out.

 

 

Well, but are you sure you have this artform down though?

 

I mean, a woman isn't chasing or wondering about you if she tells you that she "is busy, she will have to let you know".

 

Meanwhile you really should read the forums a bit more, especially the threads written from the women. Some of these women are now putting their emotional energy towards a guy who went the opposite of playing it cool--they love-bombed them from the beginning!

 

Anyway, one rule that tends to be true most of the time is this: Early on, it's much less about playing it cool and much more about momentum. You and this girl went on a good first date. Thing is, she probably has gone on lots of good first dates. It is just much much easier to get her to go on a second date if you ask her at the end of the first date (best option), or if you ask her as you and she are texting back and forth the next day when you are fresh on her mind. By 'playing it cool', you are fading into her memory as just one of plenty of other guys whom she has also gone on a 'good first date' with.

Edited March 7, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Highndry]

But you're probably not following the advice of this Corey Wayne character I keep hearing about, and instead just following the gut of Highndry, am I right?

 

Haha, that's the thing - I would never try to follow some script! Not only would I invariably botch that in some humiliating way, it wouldn't be authentic. I like to just be myself, and I'm not afraid to show interest.

[newyorker11356]

And how has that been working for you?

 

Grey40: Do you read threads made by women on here? We all want a man to chase us, we all want him to be the one texting after the date and we all want him to touch base with us within 48 hours to set up the 2 date for later.

 

I would advice to stop touching and kissing on a first date. You can give her compliments and be flirty but keep some mystery in the air. If a man kissed and touched me on a 1st date I would think he's all over me and I'd question why exactly he's interested in me.

 

Eh, I tend to kiss and touch on the 1st date (not all the time, it depends), and it's never hindered me from going on more dates with them.

[Gaeta]

Eh, I tend to kiss and touch on the 1st date (not all the time, it depends), and it's never hindered me from going on more dates with them.

 

Then you are better at it than Grey40

 

His words

Perhaps there were times I got a little too touchy feelt like scratching her back and stuff and going in for kisses maybe when she wasn’t quite prepared

 

He knew he was coming across as a little too touchy, she gave him that vibe that's why he suspects he might have been too touchy. He also felt his date was not quite prepared. How does he know that? again she gave a vibe that he identified but he is refusing to read his date, he is following a script and not respecting his date cues and signals.

[Versacehottie]

Then you are better at it than Grey40

 

His words

Perhaps there were times I got a little too touchy feelt like scratching her back and stuff and going in for kisses maybe when she wasn’t quite prepared

 

He knew he was coming across as a little too touchy, she gave him that vibe that's why he suspects he might have been too touchy. He also felt his date was not quite prepared. How does he know that? again she gave a vibe that he identified but he is refusing to read his date, he is following a script and not respecting his date cues and signals.

 

I think that is what is happening too to an extent. Touchy for the fact that we are on a first date is usually not cool, feels contrived and a bit pushy and weirdly uptight. If you are authentic (good one high and dry), and read the cues that she is really wanting you to touch her that's the right time. To me, if you do it too soon or presumptuously, it will turn a girl off whereas if you hold back a bit and spontaneously in the right moment which is really only specific to that particularly date with that girl have your opportunity.

 

Here is something i doubt corey wayne would say that might help you: a lot of women want to feel that it is their specialness or the specialness of a moment that propels whatever positive date action (physical, emotional, asking for a second date) that "turns" something in the date--not that you are going through your same routine that you would do with every girl or what you feel a guy should do/say etc to get to the next stage of dating or physical escalation. In other words, it's better if you seize the moments where something she did propels you to ask her for the next date, express that you think she is amazing or whatever, or reach out and grab her hand--rather than at the end of the date, do a summary and very expected thing ("hey i really like you, want to go out again"). This, to me, is how you build a connection and create a spark. The summary type thing won't fail if she is interested but if you've just spent the last two hours missing opportunities to create a connection then it might. Plus you want the strongest connection possible to give you an advantage over other guys, other priorities she has in her life--and to make her excited about you. Where it's not forced, where it is genuine--you do that by picking up on the moments and the person in front of you, not following a routine script that every other dullard does

[Purrrfect]

You are making excuses for her. She’s not interested.

 

If I like someone I’ll find a way to see them

 

 

UOTE=Grey40;7552988]Well she finally replied this morning to my 2nd date request saying “it’s been pretty busy. I don’t know yet, I’ll have to let you know!”. Typical girl speak for “no”. But once again, this is the kind of stuff she said for the first few weeks until we actually Met. Clearly a low level of interest, but at least she didn’t just ignore me totally.

[winny]

Gosh!! Its always the same story with OP...

 

First of all, kudos for not giving up and not stopping to date.

 

But here's the thing, if you don't do something different this pattern will continue.

 

Secondly, I suggest, can you maybe try and attempt a bit of friendship with women? It is obvious you are unable to make connections with these random women you meet online....to them you are like everyone else out there.

What about trying friendship with some of the women you meet in real life? Just go out in groups and get to know them... let them know you and when there is some connection you ask them out.

 

Another thing you may try is to have a friend go with you on a double date or just watch you from a distance while you are on a date, to see what is it that you do that is such a turn off.

 

I am pretty sure it is something you do or say which comes of as desperate or weird or creepy or passive aggressive or defensive or inability to be witty/funny, trying too hard. Even I get these feelings about your personality from some from your posts.

[SevenCity]

And how has that been working for you?

 

Grey40: Do you read threads made by women on here? We all want a man to chase us, we all want him to be the one texting after the date and we all want him to touch base with us within 48 hours to set up the 2 date for later.

 

I would advice to stop touching and kissing on a first date. You can give her compliments and be flirty but keep some mystery in the air. If a man kissed and touched me on a 1st date I would think he's all over me and I'd question why exactly he's interested in me.

 

With all due respect, this forum does not speak for all women. In fact, it doesn't speak for most women.

 

When women speak of the guys they liked the most, it is rarely the ones chasing them, sending them flowers, or blowing up their phone. It's usually the guy who could take them or leave them - despite what they SAY they want, it's not the reality of what most women respond to.

 

I've lived this my entire life. And when, eventually, I started to care too much, they left.

 

Sure, women like you to show interest but they prefer to do the chasing after initial days. The ones who really like you don't even give you a chance.

 

The last two girls I dated both called me right after the first date - the same day. Fast forward a few weeks and they both dropped to their knees at my front door to give me an unexpected bj - in the same exact spot (it was like déjà vu - pretty funny). I won't go into details but both did things "they never did before" with me.

 

I didn't chase either of them. Did they both complain I didn't call enough? You bet they did, but they also wouldn't go a day without reaching out to me.

 

What did these situations have in common? 1) They had high interest, 2) It didn't matter to me if I never saw them again (which is the attitude I have with all women now)

 

What's so interesting is they both would tell me how most of the guys they dated were chasing them. If they prefer that, why put up with my bs?

 

I've had much better luck with women chasing me than me chasing them. If a woman has high interest there is no need to chase...and those are the ones you want.

[newyorker11356]

With all due respect, this forum does not speak for all women. In fact, it doesn't speak for most women.

 

When women speak of the guys they liked the most, it is rarely the ones chasing them, sending them flowers, or blowing up their phone. It's usually the guy who could take them or leave them - despite what they SAY they want, it's not the reality of what most women respond to.

 

I've lived this my entire life. And when, eventually, I started to care too much, they left.

 

Sure, women like you to show interest but they prefer to do the chasing after initial days. The ones who really like you don't even give you a chance.

 

The last two girls I dated both called me right after the first date - the same day. Fast forward a few weeks and they both dropped to their knees at my front door to give me an unexpected bj - in the same exact spot (it was like déjà vu - pretty funny). I won't go into details but both did things "they never did before" with me.

 

I didn't chase either of them. Did they both complain I didn't call enough? You bet they did, but they also wouldn't go a day without reaching out to me.

 

What did these situations have in common? 1) They had high interest, 2) It didn't matter to me if I never saw them again (which is the attitude I have with all women now)

 

What's so interesting is they both would tell me how most of the guys they dated were chasing them. If they prefer that, why put up with my bs?

 

I've had much better luck with women chasing me than me chasing them. If a woman has high interest there is no need to chase...and those are the ones you want.

 

Except it's not the reality of most women. Most normal adjusted women wouldn't put up with that "take it or leave it" approach that you have. I'm willing to bet those two women you mentioned were damaged in some way to put up with that.

 

I date normal women, and in the past, always were 50-50 in chasing each other (how it should be). In fact, the ones that have really liked me complained how guys in the past would take them for granted, and got bored of always having to chase after them.

 

So, your take or leave it approach may work on damaged women, but it won't on normally adjusted ones.

[jay1983]

I agree with this. He blew it by not contacting her at all the next day. If I like a gal, I'm contacting her the evening of the first date to say "thanks, had fun" or whatever, and I'm touching base the following day, too.

 

So would you blow off a gal who didn't text you the next day, but the day after?

 

She ain't all that into him is what's up

[LoverOfDance]

@SevenCity lol, not necessarily. Yes, some women don't know themselves well. They think they do but they don't and do not know what they want. If you are dating, I don't know if these are actually the kind of women you should be dating. They are still figuring themselves out.

 

Some women will have high interest in you and will never chase you. These women are smart. They know that if a man is into you, you shouldn't have to chase. The effort should be equal or at least almost equal.

 

If you're looking for sex, I guess it would work better for you to prey on women who don't know themselves, are still figuring themselves out and may even have self esteem issues. I don't know if this is the kind of person/man you want to be.

[Gaeta]

With all due respect, this forum does not speak for all women. In fact, it doesn't speak for most women.

Don't take my word for it just ask women on here how they feel about chasing a man.

 

When women speak of the guys they liked the most, it is rarely the ones chasing them, sending them flowers, or blowing up their phone.

You have a distorded definition of what 'chasing' is. It has nothing to do with harassing a woman with flowers and phone calls, it's all about showing his interest with thanking her for a first date, keeping in touch and setting up the second date within a few days.

[Gaeta]

The last two girls I dated both called me right after the first date - the same day. Fast forward a few weeks and they both dropped to their knees at my front door to give me an unexpected bj - in the same exact spot (it was like déjà vu - pretty funny). I won't go into details but both did things "they never did before" with me.

 

I didn't chase either of them. Did they both complain I didn't call enough? You bet they did, but they also wouldn't go a day without reaching out to me.

 

What did these situations have in common? 1) They had high interest, 2) It didn't matter to me if I never saw them again (which is the attitude I have with all women now)

 

What's so interesting is they both would tell me how most of the guys they dated were chasing them. If they prefer that, why put up with my bs?

 

I've had much better luck with women chasing me than me chasing them. If a woman has high interest there is no need to chase...and those are the ones you want.

 

You had no respect for both these women and they had no respect for themselves. What exactly worked out with them? You end up in a long lasting committed relationship? or to you getting a bj on your front step is the definition of having 'success'.