SevenCity Posted March 5, 2018 Posted March 5, 2018 What if the friends line was genuine? I don’t use it unless I would really like to stay friends. It almost never is Smart guys so know this, inexperienced guys think they can win you over and ultimately end up wasting their time. If women said it like “Let’s be friends, I’ve got this really cute girlfriend I can set you up with” guys may be more open. Instead, it usually entails being their emotional tampon with them just giving you enough hope to think you have a remote chance. Orbiter city. I’ve never done it nor do I plan to. If a woman said that to me I would likely be insulted as it is not an offer of true friendship. More correctly they should say “I want to put you in the friend zone”
Popsicle Posted March 5, 2018 Posted March 5, 2018 The test of whether this guy wants to be friends for real or not is to ask if he’d be okay with hearing her talk about having sex with her new guy. Would he be ok with hearing that and feel nothing? If he feels nothing then he’s ready to be a friend. 1
rightondude Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 starting off with lickin' the tummy ... yeesh, this poor dude I don't see anything wrong with asking for friendship. To me it would soften the blow, a little I guess. At least it's not someone pretending I don't exist. It'd be better to state it as "would you mind if we were just people who hung out a few times and in the future may nod heads at each other if we see each other, but otherwise never speak again?" but I see how calling it "friends" would be more succinct.
Redguitar35 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 starting off with lickin' the tummy ... yeesh, this poor dude A girl who was actually interested in him would have enjoyed it. Instead she’s lukewarm and never had any interest. He needs to move on. 1
rightondude Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 A girl who was actually interested in him would have enjoyed it. Instead she’s lukewarm and never had any interest. He needs to move on. I dunno player that just seems like a weird way to start to me. 3
dumbass2 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 What if the friends line was genuine? I don’t use it unless I would really like to stay friends. It could certainly be genuine from the person who has no romantic interest, but after just 3 dates, you're not going to know how the other person will handle it, especially if they have green trying to get romantic with you. Maybe they're feeling the same way, but doesn't sound like it in this case. If he's a "nice" guy and he's not taking the hints, he might have a hard time. IMO it's just best to tell the guy or girl there's no romantic interest and if you're feeling a friends thing, then let them bring it up.
Chris2016 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 Have thought of several responses to the bolded but think I'll let it stand on its own! Haha, I see what you did there. He did escalate on the 3rd date.
sam light Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 If a lady went on 3 dates with me and made out with me, I wouldn't be happy about the Just friends designation. BUT part of me (the dump part) would play along hoping that time/familiarity would win her over eventually. Dumb perhaps, but it has worked for me a couple of times. Nothing long term, I can't be dating a woman who had the character defect of not desiring me right from the start.
Miss Spider Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 Send a message saying plainly you aren't feeling it and then promptly block because he will argue/try to change your mind. Do not do the friends thing.
newyorker11356 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 Send a message saying plainly you aren't feeling it and then promptly block because he will argue/try to change your mind. Do not do the friends thing. Yeah, because this is the mature way of handling it . Not all guys would argue/try to change their mind. Also, she already sent him a message like that and asked if he wanted to be open to being just friends, and he agreed. 2
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 Cookiesandough is just advising from her experience. I know it all depends. When you know they are a jerk, because that's the reason why you don't want to see them again, they are a jerk to you when you say no to another date. It's horrible to be accused of leading them on, call a s^&%, wh*&^ or you get grilled/ harassed. But since OP's date was a stand up guy, that's why he was pretty good about it. When you know it's probably going to be bad, Cookiesandough has it right. You have to protect yourself when you are a woman. It's a different world for us. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 (edited) Yeah, because this is the mature way of handling it . Not all guys would argue/try to change their mind. Also, she already sent him a message like that and asked if he wanted to be open to being just friends, and he agreed. There’s no need to have any more correspondence with a person you were only brought together with to have a romantic/sexual relationship with and there was nothing there. If they don’t argue with the rejection, then the block will have no consequence. They won’t even know it happened. Saying be friends is a bad idea to me because Most likely she’s just going to be leading that guy on because he IS romantically/sexually attracted to her and doesn’t really want to be her “friend” Edited March 6, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1
newyorker11356 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 There’s no need to have any more correspondence with a person you were only brought together with to have a romantic/sexual relationship with and there was nothing there. If they don’t argue with the rejection, then the block will have no consequence. They won’t even know it happened. Saying be friends is a bad idea to me because Most likely she’s just going to be leading that guy on because he IS romantically/sexually attracted to her and doesn’t want to be her “friend” Not 100% true. I've been friends with a woman since the summer where she told me she didn't feel any romantic chemistry - but was open to being friends since she saw me more as that, and I agreed. I haven't tried to lead her on, nor has she. She's also been a good friend to me, and me to her. So, what you're saying isn't completely set in stone. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 (edited) Not 100 set in stone, you’re right. Nothing ever is. But most likely, so it’s inadvisable. It’s just been 3 dates and some stomach licking. Not worth the risk esp if they both already have friends. A lot of people agree or even try as a compromise to be friends to stay in orbit/ when they fancy someone. Again, jmo Edited March 6, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1
Imajerk17 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 (edited) Cookiesandough is just advising from her experience. I know it all depends. When you know they are a jerk, because that's the reason why you don't want to see them again, they are a jerk to you when you say no to another date. It's horrible to be accused of leading them on, call a s^&%, wh*&^ or you get grilled/ harassed. But since OP's date was a stand up guy, that's why he was pretty good about it. When you know it's probably going to be bad, Cookiesandough has it right. You have to protect yourself when you are a woman. It's a different world for us. I don't mean to be snarky, but I DID find myself thinking...how is that working out for her As commented on in cookiesanddough's threads many many times, there is typically room for improvement when it comes to her way of handling things. And that is relevant here as this is the advice she is giving. Thing is, MOST people are pretty decent if you treat them respectfully believe it or not. Anyway, it sounds that ThisIsIt606 handled this particular instance pretty well and things turned out OK. Edited March 6, 2018 by Imajerk17
lurker74 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 What the what is this crap about being friends? She doesn't even want to be friends with him and the way he couldn't read her non verbal clues, who would want to be friends with him anyway? And honestly...any self respecting guy that got a friend offer after 3 dates and accepted it is rather sad. I don't mean arguing the friend thing like Cookies is worried about...I mean he would just say thanks but no thanks unless he were very low-self esteem and do you want to be friends with Mr. Low Self Esteem? Sure, some guys are friend after has happened but NOT OFTEN ENOUGH to matter. I have a few ex GF friends but only ones I slept with and I respected a great deal. Honestly, I don't know what the fuss is about. OP's date sounds creepy AF and she should just be upfront but if she's trying to be nice (which is commendable), here's my nearly copy and paste text for situations like this (and yes, it should be texted): BroDogBillionaire, this is the hardest part of dating. I can't explain why because I don't know myself, but I just don't feel the type of connection with you that I need to feel like we should proceed any further. You seem like a great guy and I am sure you will have plenty of opportunities. Good luck what you are seeking and have a great 2018. [names changed to protect the innocent]
newyorker11356 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 What the what is this crap about being friends? She doesn't even want to be friends with him and the way he couldn't read her non verbal clues, who would want to be friends with him anyway? And honestly...any self respecting guy that got a friend offer after 3 dates and accepted it is rather sad. I don't mean arguing the friend thing like Cookies is worried about...I mean he would just say thanks but no thanks unless he were very low-self esteem and do you want to be friends with Mr. Low Self Esteem? Sure, some guys are friend after has happened but NOT OFTEN ENOUGH to matter. I have a few ex GF friends but only ones I slept with and I respected a great deal. Honestly, I don't know what the fuss is about. OP's date sounds creepy AF and she should just be upfront but if she's trying to be nice (which is commendable), here's my nearly copy and paste text for situations like this (and yes, it should be texted): BroDogBillionaire, this is the hardest part of dating. I can't explain why because I don't know myself, but I just don't feel the type of connection with you that I need to feel like we should proceed any further. You seem like a great guy and I am sure you will have plenty of opportunities. Good luck what you are seeking and have a great 2018. [names changed to protect the innocent] Lol, how is a guy creepy for trying to make a move on a woman? Some people wonder why some guys have become passive in the dating game. Well, it's because of posts like these. It's only creepy if she was saying no, and he continued to try to push the envelope. From what I'm seeing, that wasn't the case. Also, the OP said he'd make a good friend, but not a romantic lover, so she obviously didn't think he was that creepy.
Jj66 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 The only time I ever got the let's just be friends thing was after a third date. It's actually, FWIW, the only time a woman has ever said no when I asked her out. I said, cool, a person can never have too many friends. Then I never texted or saw her again. About a year later she texted me to tell me she had moved to Virginia Beach and remembers that I went there frequently. She said I should look her up next time I was there. I said I would but I never did and never had any intention of it. This is how the let's be friends thing goes down. 1
newyorker11356 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 The only time I ever got the let's just be friends thing was after a third date. It's actually, FWIW, the only time a woman has ever said no when I asked her out. I said, cool, a person can never have too many friends. Then I never texted or saw her again. About a year later she texted me to tell me she had moved to Virginia Beach and remembers that I went there frequently. She said I should look her up next time I was there. I said I would but I never did and never had any intention of it. This is how the let's be friends thing goes down. Sure, in some cases.
Miss Spider Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 BroDogBillionaire, this is the hardest part of dating. I can't explain why because I don't know myself, but I just don't feel the type of connection with you that I need to feel like we should proceed any further. You seem like a great guy and I am sure you will have plenty of opportunities. Good luck what you are seeking and have a great 2018. [names changed to protect the innocent] I’m just really confused, HotBootsHolly. We were vibing so well on our dates. We had so many laughs and so much fun together. You even seemed to be enjoying yourself in my courtyard and wanted to come up to my bedroom and things got a little heated. Then something changed. Was it something I said? What did I do to make you uncomfortable? Let’s figure it out together and I swear I will never do that again. We had a connection. I feel like you felt it too. 1
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 I don't mean to be snarky, but I DID find myself thinking...how is that working out for her As commented on in cookiesanddough's threads many many times, there is typically room for improvement when it comes to her way of handling things. And that is relevant here as this is the advice she is giving. Thing is, MOST people are pretty decent if you treat them respectfully believe it or not. Anyway, it sounds that ThisIsIt606 handled this particular instance pretty well and things turned out OK. I have been bashed horribly myself from saying no to a second date, even tho I was being respectful, so it doesn't matter how pleasant you are. She even said, she leaves a message, and then blocks them. If they are not jackasses they wouldn't even know they were blocked, they would respectfully accept and leave it. Makes total sense to me. I sure as hell wouldn't want to deal with a guy whining at me or throwing insults or having a tantrum. Done with that and I'm sure she is too. 1
newyorker11356 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 I have been bashed horribly myself from saying no to a second date, even tho I was being respectful, so it doesn't matter how pleasant you are. She even said, she leaves a message, and then blocks them. If they are not jackasses they wouldn't even know they were blocked, they would respectfully accept and leave it. Makes total sense to me. I sure as hell wouldn't want to deal with a guy whining at me or throwing insults or having a tantrum. Done with that and I'm sure she is too. I'm sorry you came into contact with "men" like that. They definitely shouldn't be considered men, that's for sure.
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 The thing is, the majority of women come in contact with men like that when dating. It's what a lot of us go through and worry about. Probably one of the reasons why people ghost now a days, or keep saying they're busy. I'm so glad I'm not single. I feel sorry for the younger generation that have to deal with people with such poor manners. 1
Popsicle Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 The only time I ever got the let's just be friends thing was after a third date. It's actually, FWIW, the only time a woman has ever said no when I asked her out. I said, cool, a person can never have too many friends. Then I never texted or saw her again. About a year later she texted me to tell me she had moved to Virginia Beach and remembers that I went there frequently. She said I should look her up next time I was there. I said I would but I never did and never had any intention of it. This is how the let's be friends thing goes down. Perfect. In my fantasies, this is how the "let's just be friends" thing goes down. I say it to a guy or he says it to me, I take it well and am polite back, and then we never speak again. At least for a long long time until we've both moved on.
Popsicle Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 The thing is, the majority of women come in contact with men like that when dating. It's what a lot of us go through and worry about. Probably one of the reasons why people ghost now a days, or keep saying they're busy. I'm so glad I'm not single. I feel sorry for the younger generation that have to deal with people with such poor manners. Admittedly it's been a while since I've had to do this (years!) but the last time I did this, the guy continued to send me messages on the dating site for up to a year later begging me to go out with him again. We had been out on one date. I never responded and I never blocked him (I have to be really mad to block someone) but he did eventually stop.
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