Ko0519 Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 I think I was a rebound for my ex but honestly not sure. I’m not too experienced with relationships. Any life experience or opinions you guys have would be awesome. Together 5 months. Found out he was 4 months out of a divorce when we met. I think they were married almost 4 years. He says she cheated on him with his sgt in the army. Our relationship moved fast with meeting family super early on, declaring love, wanting to marry and kids. Then he became distant for a couple of weeks and dumped me. His reasonings were a bold faced lie but he did cry while doing it but it was probably an act? Tried to act all caring, you know how that goes. I love you and care about you etc. Well my conceptual understanding of rebounds typically is they realize they are not over their ex and either go back to their ex or take time to finally heal and work on themselves. He started dating and got in a relationship with a new woman a few weeks to a month later and deleted me from his life. I’m confused by the behavior here? Have you seen something like this before? Is this not even rebounding and something else entirely? It’s a crappy feeling cause I fell in love with him. I’m thinking he may have overlapped our relationship with this new woman since it was pretty fast.
Young mind Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 Unfortunately yes, although there's no set way to define it, but there's a consolation, he did care about you , and openly admitted it, in the ideal world people don't really heal from breakups, they jump right to the next one. Yes it was an overcompensation, re I love yous and meeting up with family. But don't have hate in your heart, cherish the few months together, it was great for you and I believe for him too but he's on a cycle like many others but there's reckoning for serial rebounders. Take your time to heal and move on 1
Author Ko0519 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Posted March 3, 2018 (edited) Unfortunately yes, although there's no set way to define it, but there's a consolation, he did care about you , and openly admitted it, in the ideal world people don't really heal from breakups, they jump right to the next one. Yes it was an overcompensation, re I love yous and meeting up with family. But don't have hate in your heart, cherish the few months together, it was great for you and I believe for him too but he's on a cycle like many others but there's reckoning for serial rebounders. Take your time to heal and move on Do you think they are just burying that baggage and trauma per se? And that eventually it will resurface and have to deal with it? To me rebounding seems like a mask, I don’t see how it really heals a person. Is this a common thing? Going on a cycle of hopping from one relationship to the next with no time in between of being alone? I have all these nice gifts from him and I’m not sure what to do with them. When we were together until he pulled back he was very sweet to me. So now it bums me out cause I know he’s with someone else and it feels like he doesn’t even care and living that honeymoon phase again. Probably telling her he loves and wants to marry her too. Edited March 3, 2018 by Ko0519
Mac0908 Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Our relationship moved fast with meeting family super early on, declaring love, wanting to marry and kids. Then he became distant for a couple of weeks and dumped me. While this sounds like textbook rebounding it's also not bc he did not return to the ex, instead another woman. Are you positive his ex was completely out of the picture? Either way I'm sorry you went through this.
Author Ko0519 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Posted March 3, 2018 While this sounds like textbook rebounding it's also not bc he did not return to the ex, instead another woman. Are you positive his ex was completely out of the picture? Either way I'm sorry you went through this. I know they started following each other on instagram a week or so before we broke up and we’re friends on Facebook at that time again but they deleted each other on Facebook after a very short time. I also know she lives across the country now. She also never deleted any posts or pics with him still. He removed every post of her before we dated and did the same thing with me before new woman. He told me he had no interest in dating for awhile and that he missed me and was reading to keep himself busy and eating s lot. Seems like a lie now honestly. Do you think he’s serial rebounding ?
staggerlee71 Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Our relationship moved fast with meeting family super early on, declaring love, wanting to marry and kids. Then he became distant for a couple of weeks and dumped me.. sounds like a classic rebound to me. He might be seeing someone else, but he will monkey bar for validation. This was NOT about you. so don't create an inner dialogue trying to find a flaw in yourself. Until, he deals with his divorce, he is the only who is flawed at this point Stay strong and keep on keeping on 1
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Sounds like he enjoys the honeymoon phase and looks for that thrill. But who knows? But whatever it is called doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter if you call it “rebounding” or “monkey branching”. Having a name for it doesn’t make it more or less than what it is. He chose this for himself because for whatever reason, he wants it. Choose you for you. If he is honeymooning with someone else it makes no difference, really. What matters is that you are hurting. Please take care if you and ty to stop analyzing it. 1
Young mind Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Do you think they are just burying that baggage and trauma per se? And that eventually it will resurface and have to deal with it? To me rebounding seems like a mask, I don’t see how it really heals a person. Is this a common thing? Going on a cycle of hopping from one relationship to the next with no time in between of being alone? I have all these nice gifts from him and I’m not sure what to do with them. When we were together until he pulled back he was very sweet to me. So now it bums me out cause I know he’s with someone else and it feels like he doesn’t even care and living that honeymoon phase again. Probably telling her he loves and wants to marry her too. Subconsciously yes, ever failed a test and your mate had 100%, what did you think, I will strive to do better now matter the circumstances, he's trying to overcompensate where he failed, he also might be competing with his ex to "win" the breakup . Like others have said, analyzing this is good, but you seem to be handling it well, you must have read a lot about this, before your post, same goal, try to heal and move on
Author Ko0519 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Posted March 3, 2018 Subconsciously yes, ever failed a test and your mate had 100%, what did you think, I will strive to do better now matter the circumstances, he's trying to overcompensate where he failed, he also might be competing with his ex to "win" the breakup . Like others have said, analyzing this is good, but you seem to be handling it well, you must have read a lot about this, before your post, same goal, try to heal and move on It’s taken me awhile to feel decently okay not going to lie. One of the hardest parts is dealing with the lies, what feels like a 180 degree turn, and how he blocked me. This rebounding behavior is foreign to me because I don’t think I would even get into a “serious” or make believe serious relationship with someone and then go straight into another one. It just seems unhealthy and unsustainable to monkey branch and trying to make these almost fantasy relationships. I’m not really sure what the real reason was he wanted to end our relationship because he just switched out of nowhere. I would have done anything and tried to fight for him but he wasn’t having it. I still think about the person I met a lot and wonder if that was an act or truly him. I’ve been very blessed to have the friends that I have to help get me back on my feet and focusing more so on myself. The anxiety I usually got daily has lessened.
Young mind Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 It’s taken me awhile to feel decently okay not going to lie. One of the hardest parts is dealing with the lies, what feels like a 180 degree turn, and how he blocked me. This rebounding behavior is foreign to me because I don’t think I would even get into a “serious” or make believe serious relationship with someone and then go straight into another one. It just seems unhealthy and unsustainable to monkey branch and trying to make these almost fantasy relationships. I’m not really sure what the real reason was he wanted to end our relationship because he just switched out of nowhere. I would have done anything and tried to fight for him but he wasn’t having it. I still think about the person I met a lot and wonder if that was an act or truly him. I’ve been very blessed to have the friends that I have to help get me back on my feet and focusing more so on myself. The anxiety I usually got daily has lessened. Your posts seems like you're handling this perfectly, attachment issues are usually the core problem to deal with, if you sort that out and accept the breakup, you are on your way to GOLD
Young mind Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 This is why this forum exists, you learn a lot, I did too, sometimes I put in the search bar "REBOUND " and it was amazing the stories I read, my mind was clear 1
Author Ko0519 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Posted March 3, 2018 This is why this forum exists, you learn a lot, I did too, sometimes I put in the search bar "REBOUND " and it was amazing the stories I read, my mind was clear Yes I did the same thing! What puzzled me was my ex going into a whole new relationship with little to no time and also not ending up back with his ex. It really feels like a cruel thing to do to someone and to leave me in the dust and act like I never existed makes me feel manipulated and disposable. If that makes sense? It’s what makes me believe that person in the beginning wasn’t really him but him with a mask playing the perfect part. He was very over the top with the gifts, taking me to get my nails done, buying my favorite foods for his place, hanging up photos of us in his bedroom and buying me a nightstand. Definitely over compensating. I and also most of my friends noticed he does have a large ego as well so I’m sure that might play a factor. They actually told me they thought he was too nice and too over the top it came across as fake to them. Not saying that it is but it almost feels a bit narcissistic with the coming on strong for selfish reasons and then ultimately discarding. Thoughts?
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Do you think they are just burying that baggage and trauma per se? And that eventually it will resurface and have to deal with it? That depends on the person. I have seen people jump from one relationship to the next to the next and never really settle into a happy one. Others rebound and then realize they need to be alone and really deal with the heartbreak of their previous relationship. Is this a common thing? Going on a cycle of hopping from one relationship to the next with no time in between of being alone? Fairly common, yes. Again, it depends on the person and it's not healthy, but it's not unusual at all. I have personally known two other betrayed husbands who rebounded almost exactly as you're describing and oddly almost along the same time-frame. I know both were deeply hurt by their ex-wives and carried that pain for a long time. And yes, I would say that you were indeed a rebound by that definition. I am sorry this happened to you. I would steer very clear of recently-separated/divorced men men, especially under the circumstances of you described. It might one thing if the marriage ended amicably and mutually. But when one party has cheated and truly hurt the other, it's not wise to even attempt it so soon after the marriage ended.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Yes I did the same thing! What puzzled me was my ex going into a whole new relationship with little to no time and also not ending up back with his ex. It really feels like a cruel thing to do to someone and to leave me in the dust and act like I never existed makes me feel manipulated and disposable. If that makes sense? It’s what makes me believe that person in the beginning wasn’t really him but him with a mask playing the perfect part. He was very over the top with the gifts, taking me to get my nails done, buying my favorite foods for his place, hanging up photos of us in his bedroom and buying me a nightstand. Definitely over compensating. I and also most of my friends noticed he does have a large ego as well so I’m sure that might play a factor. They actually told me they thought he was too nice and too over the top it came across as fake to them. Not saying that it is but it almost feels a bit narcissistic with the coming on strong for selfish reasons and then ultimately discarding. Thoughts? It sounds to me like his was trying to fill the void his ex-wife left by repeating the behaviour more typical in a longer-term relationship. It's often projection, without the person necessarily realizing what they are doing. They are sometimes trying desperately to create some sense of stability and security to cover up the pain under the surface. I don't think it's always an act, per se, but rather a subconscious effort to make their love life seem normal and stable again.
Author Ko0519 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Posted March 3, 2018 That depends on the person. I have seen people jump from one relationship to the next to the next and never really settle into a happy one. Others rebound and then realize they need to be alone and really deal with the heartbreak of their previous relationship. Fairly common, yes. Again, it depends on the person and it's not healthy, but it's not unusual at all. I have personally known two other betrayed husbands who rebounded almost exactly as you're describing and oddly almost along the same time-frame. I know both were deeply hurt by their ex-wives and carried that pain for a long time. And yes, I would say that you were indeed a rebound by that definition. I am sorry this happened to you. I would steer very clear of recently-separated/divorced men men, especially under the circumstances of you described. It might one thing if the marriage ended amicably and mutually. But when one party has cheated and truly hurt the other, it's not wise to even attempt it so soon after the marriage ended. He has been divorced probably a year now. That’s so crazy he followed a similar timeline to what you’ve seen. Do you think that once the newness wears off they go searching again? It was all his idea with talking of moving in ofether and all that future talk. I don’t think he has healed by his behavior? It’s interesting he told me he had no interest in dating for awhile. How much he wanted me to find something that makes me happy which to me was rude and I’m the second person he’s ever loved. Being as confused as I was cause at the time I didn’t understand anything I asked if I wasn’t making him happy..he said I absolutely made him happy and to never question it. I think he either felt guilty or was just saying whatever to get out of the relationship. So these comments he said is what leaves my mind a bit boggled.
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Do you want to get back with him? Or are you just curious to his thought processes?
Author Ko0519 Posted March 4, 2018 Author Posted March 4, 2018 Do you want to get back with him? Or are you just curious to his thought processes? I miss him a lot yes but ultimately, I know wanting someone back that could use someone like this intentional or not, I know is not good for me. I’m more curious to his thought processes. It’s all very bizzare and it hurts me that he would say all this stuff even during the breakup and boom with someone again.
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