ZHguy Posted March 1, 2018 Posted March 1, 2018 I consider myself to be from two different cities: my friends are spread between these two cities. I was hospitalised in city A for 5 weeks and in city B for 9 weeks; so I can’t spare any of my friends the blame, whether they be city A friends or city B friends. That either means I have no meaningful relationships in my life or I’m over reacting being sad. I already know the former to be true. But this is also a good litmus test for who cares about me in my life, and how good my ‘friends’ really are. Are they still friends. Are they but I just shouldn’t expect them to visit me in hospital? Should that act be reserved for family. All I could think about enviously is the cards and balloons and visitations the people around me would be getting if they were in hospital. The company I never got.
carhill Posted March 1, 2018 Posted March 1, 2018 Wow, glad you're OK. I mean my mom had part of her brain removed and she was only in the medical hospital for a bit over a week, then 30 days in rehab to learn her ADL's again. Sheesh, 14 weeks in two hospitals? I can see how that would be frustrating and disheartening. One would think at that point people would be wondering if you were dead. I presume you did have some visitors, just not friends. About the only friends I've visited in person in the hospital are close ones who've gone through major surgeries or cancer stuff. I'll clear it with their spouse for timing since they were always up on things. Myself, with family dead and living alone, I wouldn't expect any visitors. Sure, that'd be nice but not an expectation. Get in, get it fixed, get out ASAP and back to living. Hope I never have to find out. Being a visitor has been enough for me. Best wishes for a complete recovery!
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2018 Posted March 1, 2018 People are weird about visiting people in hospitals. There are only a few I'd go to but I'd send a card or at least a FB message to many. People don't want to be in the way. I'm sorry you feel abandoned. Some times you need to be more proactive. If you were active on social media you may have sent out a plea or invitation . . . Stuck here & bored. Would welcome visitors. I posted something like that when I was sitting vigil as my mother was dying. Some people came. It helped. 5
preraph Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 Is it possible they knew you were in the hospital but didn't know which one or for how long? I would feel bad too. Hope you're feeling better now.
loverboy69 Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 I know I'm a sensitive guy. It would totally make me feel bad if nobody I loved or cared for visited me if I was in your situation; especially the duration you were there. My sister has been in the hospital for a week now and I've gone to visit her every day and the hospital is an hour away from where I live. Every time I leave she starts to cry and I hold in my tears till I leave the room but I know we feel the same.
Happy Lemming Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 (edited) People are weird about visiting people in hospitals. There are only a few I'd go to but I'd send a card or at least a FB message to many. People don't want to be in the way. I agree with d0nnivain... I try to send a card if the hospital is too far away. I can say the farthest I've traveled to visit a friend in the hospital was a drive of 2.5 hours. I took that person a book with 2500 jokes in it, so they could laugh and pass the time, as I knew I couldn't make a repeat trip. I did send a card to a friend/business associate when he was hospitalized, last year. He lives about 12 hours away. He later told me, no one visited him in the hospital and I was the only one who sent him a "Get Well" card. He told me, he is going to be more careful about who he calls "friend". Edited March 2, 2018 by Happy Lemming 1
anika99 Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 Awww.....I can understand why that would bum you out. That being said I don't think my friends would visit me either. I only have a few friends and I just don't think they would visit.
FilterCoffee Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 If they knew you were in the hospital and still didn’t come then don’t consider them close friends. You’re right when you say this is a litmus test for who really cares about you. I would be upset too. If it’s any consolation, as things stand, I think I would’ve got only a handful of visitors at most. I hope you’ve fully recovered from your illness. 2
CatMinx Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 I'm very sorry you were ill and that your friends hurt you. I can't speak for all of your friends, but I know that I personally am squeamish about hospitals after my parents both spent years in them before passing away when I was very young. I spent many hours there with them and it was traumatic..so now I struggle to visit hospitals myself. Perhaps some of your friends have similar stories?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 I think this is more of a reflection that you don't have any close friendships. I have a lot friends, but I'd only visit the very closest ones in the hospital because it can be very "intimate" to see someone in a gown, usually not showered, being attended to by nurses, etc. If most of your friendships aren't that close, they probably just assumed that your closer friends would be visiting you. I am sad you felt unimportant, though . 4
loverboy69 Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 I think this is more of a reflection that you don't have any close friendships. I have a lot friends, but I'd only visit the very closest ones in the hospital because it can be very "intimate" to see someone in a gown, usually not showered, being attended to by nurses, etc. If most of your friendships aren't that close, they probably just assumed that your closer friends would be visiting you. I am sad you felt unimportant, though . Well said!
Whodatdog Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 You cant control what others do, you can only control your reaction to what they do. If I were you, Id just be glad I were out of the hospital, and move forward. I wouldnt expect other than family and really close friends to visit you in the hospital. Its not a fun thing to do. And those who did visit Id be very grateful.
LuckyM Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 This depends on where they live, how far away and whether they have cars or transportation. Usually only very close friends visit.
OneParadox Posted March 9, 2018 Posted March 9, 2018 I just want to add there is a cultural aspect to it. In some cultures, people are expected to visit you at the hospital (even not so close friends) while in others people feel like it is almost impolite and disrespectful to show up at the hospital (unless you are immediate family). As a matter of fact, hospitals in some places literally prohibit visits from anyone other than immediate family. The real question for you is: did someone you were expecting/hoping to come visit didn't come? (there are probably one or two people you really wanted there who didn't show up... sorry)
Author ZHguy Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 I think this is more of a reflection that you don't have any close friendships. I have a lot friends, but I'd only visit the very closest ones in the hospital because it can be very "intimate" to see someone in a gown, usually not showered, being attended to by nurses, etc. If most of your friendships aren't that close, they probably just assumed that your closer friends would be visiting you. I am sad you felt unimportant, though . I'm sure everyone assumed my 'closer friends' would be paying the visits. There isn't I mean much too though, then. Except for my family.
basil67 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 I totally understand you feeling hurt and abandoned. I think D0nnivain nailed it with the suggestion about being more proactive about seeking visitors. Something about being bored and welcoming visitors would have likely done the trick.
MsJayne Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 For a hospital stay of that length it would have been nice if people had thought to organise a visiting rota to make sure you had at least one visitor per week. I would try not to let it get you down, people are so rude and self-absorbed these days that you can probably expect a few 'friends' to express surprise and apologise for not remembering. I think you're right to reconsider your relationships with people who live close enough to either hospital to visit but didn't even bother sending you a card. 1
Recommended Posts