LovedorSugarDaddy Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 My GF has told me for the past six months during quiet intimate times that she loves me. I would never tell someone that I love them unless I really do, and the truth is I have not fallen in love with my GF, and I have been truthful with her. This has understandably caused some conflict and hurt feelings both for her and me since I am not able to return verbal reassurance to her that I am in love as well. Yet I still feel that it is better to be completely honest. Last week however we were riding in the car when she says that she has become wary of falling "completely in love" because of being hurt in the past, and that she is scared of falling completely in love with me because of this. So I asked does that mean she is not completely in love with me, and she stated rather emphatically, "no I am not crazy in love with you." I asked how she loves me then, and she said like family. I replied that I hear her tell her family and many friends every day that she loves them so how does she love me any differently. I asked did that mean she "loved me" but was not "in love" with me ? She stated that she was "in love." I told her that I really could not understand how someone could be "in love," as opposed to loving someone, and not be "crazy in love" because at least in my experience they were the same thing. Later that evening as we were drifting off to sleep, she whispered in my ear that she really did love me. Let me briefly state that I have had doubts about my GF being with me for financial gain since I am totally supporting her, and I am 20 years her senior, and this incident made me wonder again. I really found her explanation how she was "in love," but not "crazy in love," not very believable, and the whisper later that night almost made things worse because the emphatic statement in the car, "I am not CRAZY in love with you, no," still rings in my ears. How do others feel about this incident?
AmberAriesMom Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 I'd be more concerned about why you care how strongly SHE feels about YOU when YOU admit you don't feel strong love feelings for her anyway. If you were convinced she was 'crazy in love' with you would that make you 'crazy in love' with her? I'm thinking you should not want her to be all up in that with her emotions for you if you don't share same. So why not be glad she loves you as 'family' and let it go?
Art_Critic Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 she is infatuated and said she loved you ( as most of the time how it happens ) after you did not say that you loved her she had to back up and rethink the situation. It has to be embarassing for her.. by resinding her original I love you with she is not in crazy love with you she is balancing herself as much as she can with how you feel. Personally I think you need to wean her off of you financially and let her start supporting herself otherwise you are her sugardaddy and how she feels about you becomes mute. You also don't seem to be into her and you might want to rethink things and decided if you need to end things with her so you don't hurt her further. Sex is just that .. Sex
midori Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 Sounds like there are at least a couple of big questions to address in this relationship: 1. Why are you with someone if you even suspect that one of their primary motivations for being with you is financial (and that's not something you can accept, perhaps some people could but it sounds like you're not one of them)? 2. Why has your girlfriend tolerated a relationship where her feelings are not reciprocated? 3. Why would you stay in a relationship where your partner's feelings for you exceeded yours for her, if you really cared about her? Your girlfriend's subsequent qualifications about her feelings for you shouldn't be so surprising. She has stated multiple times that she loves you and has had cold water thrown on her, so to speak. I'm not saying that you were wrong to be honest with her -- I don't think you're wrong for doing that at all! But as I mentioned in number 3 above, given that in the ensuing six months since she first said she loved you have been unable to reciprocate, you might want to think about why you're still with her at all. It sounds like there are a lot of unspoken things weighing on each of you. My guess is that in the end you two probably are going to end up separating. Maybe she really is motivated by your money -- or maybe you're looking for reasons having to do with her for why you're not able to reciprocate her feelings. She probably is being sincere in her expressions of emotion. Does that mean that her idea of what "love" is does not match your idea? Possibly. Does it make her shallow, or her feelings less important -- no. I don't know how long you've been with her, or how the situation in which you support her financially came about, but I suspect that if you can get yourself to honestly answer those big questions you'll figure out what to do next.
elijahBailey Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 Originally posted by midori Your girlfriend's subsequent qualifications about her feelings for you shouldn't be so surprising. She has stated multiple times that she loves you and has had cold water thrown on her, so to speak. LovedorSugarDaddy, the above is the reason why she seemed to have 'retracted' what she previous said, and why she seemed more reticent in expressing her love for you. You're just 'taking' from her, whereas she's doing all the 'giving'. I sympathize with her and empathize with why she did what she did. She must be terrified of being hurt down the road. If you do not love her truly, do her a favor and let her go find someone who can. Please don't take this the wrong way, cos the reason why I'm saying this is that I've seen this kinda situation happen to a friend. She's stuck with this guy who promised to marry her every year for the past 10 years, and he's still promising her the same thing this year. He digs her, but it ain't enough to marry her; but it sure ain't fair for her.
RecordProducer Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 Originally posted by LovedorSugarDaddy she stated rather emphatically, "no I am not crazy in love with you." I asked how she loves me then, and she said like family. I think she gave herself away. Personally I could never be in love with someone who is not in love with me to start with. I am attracted to both successful and older men, but not those who would pay me to have sex with them. It seems to me that your relationship is based on mutual interests on both sides.
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