Author suckered Posted March 3, 2018 Author Posted March 3, 2018 Still don’t know what to do. We had a 4th date and he wanted me to come over after. I’m still not physically drawn to him so I made excuses to go home. I thought that was going to be the last date. He said again how he wants to relax at one of our homes. Today he asked me out for an activity that I really want to do. The problem is, the activity is what I want not to see him All of my friends are married and doing family things so I have to do all activities alone. It gets boring after a while. I still haven’t responded. I wish I was at least a little more attracted to him. He is not a bad looking guy and is fairly fit. Should I tell him that I’m not feeling it? Money is not an issue since the activity is free and I always payed for my half when we went out.
alphamale Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Still don’t know what to do. I think you should just move on. Sounds like you're not feeling the love 3
newyorker11356 Posted March 3, 2018 Posted March 3, 2018 Still don’t know what to do. We had a 4th date and he wanted me to come over after. I’m still not physically drawn to him so I made excuses to go home. I thought that was going to be the last date. He said again how he wants to relax at one of our homes. Today he asked me out for an activity that I really want to do. The problem is, the activity is what I want not to see him All of my friends are married and doing family things so I have to do all activities alone. It gets boring after a while. I still haven’t responded. I wish I was at least a little more attracted to him. He is not a bad looking guy and is fairly fit. Should I tell him that I’m not feeling it? Money is not an issue since the activity is free and I always payed for my half when we went out. At this point, you should definitely tell him that you're not feeling it with him like that. If you're not physically drawn to him after 4 dates, then I doubt you'll ever be. Don't continue leading him on. 1
ThisisIt606 Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 I'm in a similar situation. I've been on 3 dates with a very nice guy but I'm just not attracted to him. I've definitely tried, we've made out but I stopped things on the 3rd date before they got too far and said I should probably leave. He stopped right away but seemed pretty embarrassed/hurt. I realized that I enjoy hanging out with him/ in the sense that the activities are fun. A lot of my friends have moved away, so like you I do many things alone. I don't really mind it... but of course it's nice to have someone to talk to at different activities and experience it with another person. I'm realizing I can see him as a friend/activity partner but definitely not for romance/intimacy. Now I'm just hoping he doesn't ask for date 4. I would suggest you let this guy know that you don't see a future as you don't feel the chemistry (meaning desire for intamacy) is right between you two. 1
Author suckered Posted March 5, 2018 Author Posted March 5, 2018 I made up an excuse that I can't go without rescheduling. He has now stopped texting so will see if he texts again, then I will have to tell him. It's really nice to have someone to do activities with, but I realized I just wanted to go home the moment activity ended. It was then that he would try to physically escalate and I kind of went along with holding hands and kissing but thinking of when I can get away. It didn't feel right and with other guys I felt butterflies when they touched me at this stage. Too bad it never worked out with them in the end.
greymatter Posted March 5, 2018 Posted March 5, 2018 I think it's unfair to the guy to "go along" with any physical touch that you don't want. if you feel very clear that you are not attracted, don't allow physical affection (and definitely don't go out with him again). Boundaries... 2
smackie9 Posted March 5, 2018 Posted March 5, 2018 I think you should have just told him something truthful. When a guy starts making excuses to not see you after a 4th date, how would that make you feel??
greymatter Posted March 5, 2018 Posted March 5, 2018 It’s definitely a lot cheaper to invite someone over and get right to business.This guy OP is stringing along has probably dropped hundreds of dollars on dates with her and he’s getting nothing out of it. It’s going to feel awful for him when she finally tells him this isn’t working. If he doesn’t come to his senses and cut her off first, which is what I’d recommend to him. This most definitely represents a transactional view of things. For many, the experience of having a date or dates together, spending time with others, having rich conversations and doing activities, is a positive experience which has more breadth of value than the transactional expectation that you have. It's fine if you only want sex from women, as long as you are up front and direct about your expectations of that. Personally, I can easily afford to go out to dinner anytime, and frequently pay half on dates (or we take turns paying). I could care less about "free" anything.
Redguitar35 Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 This most definitely represents a transactional view of things. For many, the experience of having a date or dates together, spending time with others, having rich conversations and doing activities, is a positive experience which has more breadth of value than the transactional expectation that you have. I don’t think this is a accurate experience of dating for most men and women. Dating, especially OLD is a tiring, time consuming and disappointing experience. Particularly if you’ve gone on a bunch of dates that lead nowhere or end after the first date. I forgo all that and get right to the exciting part.
Author suckered Posted March 6, 2018 Author Posted March 6, 2018 Red guitar, there is no hunderds of dollars involved. When I am on the fence about a guy I make it an even stronger point of going dutch. Anyway he texted me today and I sent him a text about feeling no chemistry and "don't want to continue". He just replied that he "didn't see it coming" because my body language said I was into him. This made me think wow! I couldn't pull away fast enough when he kissed me, my hands were always in my pockets to avoid holding hands and I made excuses every time he invited me over.
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