Enough is enough

February 27, 2018

I think dating is an official waste of time now. I'm reverting back to old school and taking the advice of some vets here. I'm going to get off my a$$, stop moping about my ex and do something about myself. I have two bottom teeth that are missing (it's not like you can see it anyway) and that's number 1 priority. I'm taking care of that, reworking my wardrobe and changing my attitude. I live in a populated area and here I am in front of a computer and I wonder why nothing has happened.

The next girlfriend (and there will be a next because I refuse for my ex to be the last) is going to have me at 100%. I won't be meeting her on the internet. I will not get to know her through 24/7 texting. There won't be any "dating". There will be two people who met and just did things naturally, like I did 20 years ago with my now ex-wife. Social media be damned. It's not that OLD is the cause of my problems, it was the enabler of them. Why change anything about me from this safe distance? Screw that.

The next girlfriend will not make every day about her. She will actually ask if I'm doing alright once and a while. She will understand that it goes both ways and will not be subjecting me to a list of demands. Basically what I'm saying is...it will be normal. Imagine that?

I deserve better but only if I change my ways first. It my fault for be so accepting of anyone just out the fear of being alone. It's nonsense. I recently quit smoking for 27 years last month. I did it with no personal support. Nobody to lean on. Nothing but me and my own head and the lingering hate for my ex. I used that hate as motivation.

I do deserve better. Now I'm going to get what I deserve.

And for some reason...I had to post it.

February 27, 2018

good for you that you quit smoking. I quit three years ago after smoking for more than 30 years.

I wish you all the best, you deserve it.

February 27, 2018

Good for YOU!!

I briefly tried OLD and hated it. I don't do any form of social media and don't worry about what other people have or claim to have. IMO Facebook friends are not true friends. True friends have broke bread with you at your dinner table (face to face).

Go out into the real world and meet real people. Talk to them in person or on the phone and leave a voicemail if they don't pick up. You can't hear a person's voice in a text message.

I met my girlfriend of 6 years in real life at an apartment complex pool. Ask her out for drinks later that evening and the rest is history.

Go "old school" and you'll find that lid to your pot!!

And Congrats on quitting smoking... That is a great accomplishment after 27 years!!

February 27, 2018

good for you that you quit smoking. I quit three years ago after smoking for more than 30 years.

I wish you all the best, you deserve it.

The freedom is amazing. May I ask what you did? I read Allen Carr's book. Easyway.

February 27, 2018

Good for YOU!!

I briefly tried OLD and hated it. I don't do any form of social media and don't worry about what other people have or claim to have. IMO Facebook friends are not true friends. True friends have broke bread with you at your dinner table (face to face).

Go out into the real world and meet real people. Talk to them in person or on the phone and leave a voicemail if they don't pick up. You can't hear a person's voice in a text message.

I met my girlfriend of 6 years in real life at an apartment complex pool. Ask her out for drinks later that evening and the rest is history.

Go "old school" and you'll find that lid to your pot!!

And Congrats on quitting smoking... That is a great accomplishment after 27 years!!

That is awesome. Exactly how I would love for it to happen. Take my kid to the pool and actually act as if it's OK to start a conversation with someone. I've been so wired into email/Facebook/OLD (on top of IT being my job) that I've honestly been accustomed to the fear of personal approach.

And I think quitting smoking opens up the senses to the point where your flaws are magnified. You're no longer saying "well screw it, I'll just have a drag and forget about it". Now it's "Ugh, I gotta do something about this!"

February 27, 2018

The freedom is amazing. May I ask what you did? I read Allen Carr's book. Easyway.

I went into rehab for alcohol abuse, couldn't smoke. I quit alcohol, cigarettes and Xanax on the same day three years ago.

February 27, 2018

I went into rehab for alcohol abuse, couldn't smoke. I quit alcohol, cigarettes and Xanax on the same day three years ago.

Good for you man. I had an alcohol bout about 10 years ago. Was awful. Glad to see someone else moving on from it too.

February 27, 2018

I think dating is an official waste of time now. I'm reverting back to old school and taking the advice of some vets here. I'm going to get off my a$$, stop moping about my ex and do something about myself. I have two bottom teeth that are missing (it's not like you can see it anyway) and that's number 1 priority. I'm taking care of that, reworking my wardrobe and changing my attitude. I live in a populated area and here I am in front of a computer and I wonder why nothing has happened.

The next girlfriend (and there will be a next because I refuse for my ex to be the last) is going to have me at 100%. I won't be meeting her on the internet. I will not get to know her through 24/7 texting. There won't be any "dating". There will be two people who met and just did things naturally, like I did 20 years ago with my now ex-wife. Social media be damned. It's not that OLD is the cause of my problems, it was the enabler of them. Why change anything about me from this safe distance? Screw that.

The next girlfriend will not make every day about her. She will actually ask if I'm doing alright once and a while. She will understand that it goes both ways and will not be subjecting me to a list of demands. Basically what I'm saying is...it will be normal. Imagine that?

I deserve better but only if I change my ways first. It my fault for be so accepting of anyone just out the fear of being alone. It's nonsense. I recently quit smoking for 27 years last month. I did it with no personal support. Nobody to lean on. Nothing but me and my own head and the lingering hate for my ex. I used that hate as motivation.

I do deserve better. Now I'm going to get what I deserve.

And for some reason...I had to post it.

I'm glad you are finding positives and working to move yourself forward. One thing though is please don't bash OLD, it worked for me and several other people that are in great relationships. OLD was frustrating, but now I think I may have found the one. Good luck, but do not look down on OLD.

February 27, 2018

I went into rehab for alcohol abuse, couldn't smoke. I quit alcohol, cigarettes and Xanax on the same day three years ago.

Awe. Some!!!

February 27, 2018

You have to quit your ex the way you quit smoking. Really need to get the ex out of your system. Even the anger needs to be gone, you know, so you can find peace and comfort.

February 27, 2018

I'm glad you are finding positives and working to move yourself forward. One thing though is please don't bash OLD' date=' it worked for me and several other people that are in great relationships. OLD was frustrating, but now I think I may have found the one. Good luck, but do not look down on OLD.[/quote']

I'm more than happy to accept it works for some people and I hope it does for you. From my perspective, it's been more negative than positive and at 43 I'm getting too old for this. I've met a lot of people online in the last 5 years and I've managed to stay good friends with one person after a 5 month deal. I'm very glad to know her. Everything else was simply time gone by. Heartache and lies and just stupid stuff that screams anything but normal.

It's funny. There is one person online that I have literally seen walking down my street with her dog on many occasions. Her profile was really good. I sent a message asking thoughtful questions about the interests. Not a single reply. In all the times in the last two years I've seen her walking the dog or sitting outside with a book, she has never looked happy or unhappy. She is always alone. I'm not in any way attracted but I was interested in the art she posted on her profile. She has been online for as long as I've known too. Kind of makes you wonder...why bother.

February 27, 2018

I sent a message asking thoughtful questions about the interests. Not a single reply.

So that's reason for ditching OLD...Hmm...

February 27, 2018

So that's reason for ditching OLD...Hmm...

I actually agree with Coffeeguy. Its one of the reasons why I'm trying o get of OLD and ask people out in real life.

Ive read peoples profiles. Formulated a reply and asked a question or two. Guess what......? Yup! No reply.

Now then move on and try to read up another profile and type up a nice reply and again with no reply it becomes hard work.

Ive done OLD for up to 10 years and met some wonderful people and some not so great people. What I ve learned is men don't get replies. A lot of women do. Its the nature of OLD.

February 27, 2018

Ive read peoples profiles. Formulated a reply and asked a question or two. Guess what......? Yup! No reply.

Now then move on and try to read up another profile and type up a nice reply and again with no reply it becomes hard work.

.

Guess what...almost every other guy does exactly the same thing.

If you are going to do online, you need to be different.

Be funny. Be original.

Don't ask too many questions.

February 27, 2018

Guess what...almost every other guy does exactly the same thing.

If you are going to do online, you need to be different.
Be funny. Be original.
Don't ask too many questions.

I know Joseb. Iwas sticking up for Coffeeguy. Ive got 10 years experience of OLD and from different sites and platforms.

Old is fusrtating and hard work but I have learned a lot about women if it hadn't been about OLD

February 27, 2018

Good for you coffee guy, that all sounds very positive and healthy. dating on line although it works well for some and seems to attract liars and people only looking for the physical side of being with someone (and I guess if people are open to that and are consenting its legal blah blah then that's fine for them), but dating on line whether there is a spark or not only really works (if it works when you actually come off line and meet them in the flesh!!!!)

you can say what you like, be who you like etc, but off line there are far fewer security blankets, you just have to be you, and if you're not others will see through it.

I don't see the harm as such in online as you can get a taster of the people around your area that may be looking etc, but I always put much more weight for people I see, can talk too, people that actually want to be in something without making you feel like you are only one of many and if they are not satisfied they can and will move on to the next picture or tagline that they can tick boxes off about someone's personality.

I guess, if you want the real deal you have to be in a real place and weigh up what is real and what is designed to appear better than it really is.

its great to read your post and that you are also wanting to work on yourself to attract someone that will be more worthy of you.

yeah, im with you in the main, there are those people that give it the big I online or will do the whole ghosting thing (which seems to defeat the whole online thing and is of course discourteous to those that have taken the time to get in touch, whether they are what the other person wants in a profile or not) and then you get the types that make it clear that they only date people like this and there are different elements of unhealthyness for anyone that gets sucked into replying to any of that kind of stuff....and of course if you ever meet those kind of folks who need to keep selling their ego's in such a full on bragging way; you always find out sooner or later about their innadequacies and how they have to use their bravado, attitude or lifestyle materialism to make up for the fact that like most of us, they too are fallible and have insecurities.

yup, you cant beat actually meeting and talking to someone (whether it starts online or off it); and many people are turning away from the online thing as they find it just a bit too shallow for them, or a divisive numbers game that at time just seem so soul less.

besides, I reckon people actually like to know others are interested in them at a venue or club or whatever, provided it is all done respectfully and in context to their situation and where you are etc...

however it goes for you: VERY BEST OF LUCK WITH IT maxi

February 27, 2018

Good for you coffee guy, that all sounds very positive and healthy. dating on line although it works well for some and seems to attract liars and people only looking for the physical side of being with someone (and I guess if people are open to that and are consenting its legal blah blah then that's fine for them), but dating on line whether there is a spark or not only really works (if it works when you actually come off line and meet them in the flesh!!!!)

you can say what you like, be who you like etc, but off line there are far fewer security blankets, you just have to be you, and if you're not others will see through it.

I don't see the harm as such in online as you can get a taster of the people around your area that may be looking etc, but I always put much more weight for people I see, can talk too, people that actually want to be in something without making you feel like you are only one of many and if they are not satisfied they can and will move on to the next picture or tagline that they can tick boxes off about someone's personality.

I guess, if you want the real deal you have to be in a real place and weigh up what is real and what is designed to appear better than it really is.

its great to read your post and that you are also wanting to work on yourself to attract someone that will be more worthy of you.

yeah, im with you in the main, there are those people that give it the big "I AM" online or will do the whole ghosting thing (which seems to defeat the whole online thing and is of course discourteous to those that have taken the time to get in touch, whether they are what the other person wants in a profile or not) and then you get the types that make it clear that they only date people like this and there are different elements of unhealthyness for anyone that gets sucked into replying to any of that kind of stuff....and of course if you ever meet those kind of folks who need to keep selling their ego's in such a full on bragging way; you always find out sooner or later about their innadequacies and how they have to use their bravado, attitude or lifestyle materialism to make up for the fact that like most of us, they too are fallible and have insecurities.

yup, you cant beat actually meeting and talking to someone (whether it starts online or off it); and many people are turning away from the online thing as they find it just a bit too shallow for them, or a divisive numbers game that at time just seem so soul less.

besides, I reckon people actually like to know others are interested in them at a venue or club or whatever, provided it is all done respectfully and in context to their situation and where you are etc...

however it goes for you: VERY BEST OF LUCK WITH IT maxi

February 27, 2018

Good for you coffee guy, that all sounds very positive and healthy. dating on line although it works well for some and seems to attract liars and people only looking for the physical side of being with someone (and I guess if people are open to that and are consenting its legal blah blah then that's fine for them), but dating on line whether there is a spark or not only really works (if it works when you actually come off line and meet them in the flesh!!!!)

you can say what you like, be who you like etc, but off line there are far fewer security blankets, you just have to be you, and if you're not others will see through it.

I don't see the harm as such in online as you can get a taster of the people around your area that may be looking etc, but I always put much more weight for people I see, can talk too, people that actually want to be in something without making you feel like you are only one of many and if they are not satisfied they can and will move on to the next picture or tagline that they can tick boxes off about someone's personality.

I guess, if you want the real deal you have to be in a real place and weigh up what is real and what is designed to appear better than it really is.

its great to read your post and that you are also wanting to work on yourself to attract someone that will be more worthy of you.

yeah, im with you in the main, there quite a few out there that give it the big "I AM" online or will do the whole ghosting thing (which seems to defeat the whole online thing and is of course discourteous to those that have taken the time to get in touch, whether they are what the other person wants in a profile or not) and then you get the types that make it clear that they only date people like this and there are different elements of unhealthyness for anyone that gets sucked into replying to any of that kind of stuff....and of course if you ever meet those kind of folks who need to keep selling their ego's in such a full on bragging way; you always find out sooner or later about their innadequacies and how they have to use their bravado, attitude or lifestyle materialism to make up for the fact that like most of us, they too are fallible and have insecurities.

yup, you cant beat actually meeting and talking to someone (whether it starts online or off it); and many people are turning away from the online thing as they find it just a bit too shallow for them, or a divisive numbers game that at time just seem so soul less.

besides, I reckon people actually like to know others are interested in them at a venue or club or whatever, provided it is all done respectfully and in context to their situation and where you are etc...

however it goes for you: VERY BEST OF LUCK WITH IT maxi

February 27, 2018

woah, don't know whats happened here coffee guy, some kinda glitch!...sorry for multi-post!!!! ....that's technology for ya, and in some ways has proved a point in itself...lol....(that wouldn't have happened we were chatting offline! hahah...sorry for all the posts that are the same! maxi.

February 27, 2018

Haha and once again l rest my case , old schools the only school. Dunno how or why people round here put themselves through what they do.

Or put themselves through social media either it really is all just a total effg mystery to me.

Enjoy your new life and world eh, good for you.

February 27, 2018

Haha and once again l rest my case , old schools the only school. Dunno how or why people round here put themselves through what they do.
Or put themselves through social media either it really is all just a total effg mystery to me.

Enjoy your new life and world eh, good for you.

People don't put themselves through what they do intentionally. Sometimes OLD is the only option for some to meet someone and why not? Some people are lucky and they meet someone but others are just unlucky. Ive never found anyone I really liked.

The ones I liked they weren't interested and the girls who liked. I wasn't interested in them. lol OLD is just a numbers game.

February 27, 2018

So that's reason for ditching OLD...Hmm...

No. This is:

"I've met a lot of people online in the last 5 years and I've managed to stay good friends with one person after a 5 month deal."

It's right there in my post.

February 28, 2018

OP, good for you to treat yourself with some self respect and dignity. But why not endeavor to meet women in real life WHILE keeping OLD on the side? You maximize your chances and it only takes one.

I'm approaching 6 months with my GF (met off OLD) and I have a funny feeling she may be the one. I was on OLD for 5 years and had at least 20 dates during that time. Many misses... but the one hit (my current GF) made it all worth it.

Wish you well!

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