Sundra1 Posted February 26, 2018 Posted February 26, 2018 So, I dated this girl for a few months and we ended it in November. Everything seemed great, but she never really talked about her feelings. The sex was great for both of us, but I did pull back a little bit because after about 6 weeks I felt uncomfortable with the level of intimacy and not talking about feelings. I approached this with the intent of dating, and made that clear from the get go. My intentions were clear and I took her out and made an effort. It seemed like we had a good time, and personality-wise we got along pretty well but she decided that the relationship was not working for her...really liked me, didn't think we had a lot of similarities, not good as a boyfriend etc... We never really talked much about feelings which started to bother me a bit at the two month mark, and then she broke it off-which I saw coming. I cut contact for about a week, then she reaches out and says she wants to be friends etc.. I think about it, and I figure well maybe this could work. Nothing was serious, and we enjoyed each others company and according to her it was just that her needs were not being met whatever they were. We continue to talk, then she gets very flakey. I give it a couple months and end the friendship. I don't really understand any of this. Seemed like a big waste of time and energy for her to string this out for something that could have been so simple. It was a typical push-pull situation. I mean before this started I offered a genuine friendship when she was hesitant, but she didn't want that, so it evolved and I offered a genuine relationship, but she didn't want that so we revert back to the friendship. She became very flakey, but would reach out and was open when we would communicate. Anyway, needless to say given that her and I didn't build any ties together, I got over it and told her something along the lines of were not compatible as friends. Found this whole relationship a little odd. Seemed like there could have been something really good here in both forms, and I was receptive but for some reason or another she did not want it to be or did not know how. 1
CrazyKatLady Posted February 27, 2018 Posted February 27, 2018 Sounds like you really tried to meet her needs, but she was not meeting yours or even trying to...how rude! You did the right thing. Leave her behind.
Highndry Posted February 27, 2018 Posted February 27, 2018 For whatever reason it didn't click for her. All you can do is move on to the next one. 1
Maggie4 Posted February 27, 2018 Posted February 27, 2018 You mentioned twice that you wanted to talk about feelings. I'm not sure what it was that you needed. Question is: did she know what you needed? Did you want her to declare her love or did you want to define the relationship, exclusivity, the future, commitment, etc.? Because you obviously talked. And you are free to say what you wanted to say. So it must be that she did not say what you wanted to hear. What did you want to hear? And what you wanted to hear, do you think she didn't feel it, or she felt it but didn't say it?
Author Sundra1 Posted February 27, 2018 Author Posted February 27, 2018 You mentioned twice that you wanted to talk about feelings. I'm not sure what it was that you needed. Question is: did she know what you needed? Did you want her to declare her love or did you want to define the relationship, exclusivity, the future, commitment, etc.? Because you obviously talked. And you are free to say what you wanted to say. So it must be that she did not say what you wanted to hear. What did you want to hear? And what you wanted to hear, do you think she didn't feel it, or she felt it but didn't say it? You definitely made me think about this differently. I never wanted her to declare anything. I just wanted her to show up, physically be present and make an effort. If she wanted a friendship, then come spend time with me and my friends, or invite me to do the same with you. If she wanted a relationship, then tell me so. Communicate how you feel. I made my stance pretty clear and that was either we are dating or not dating because I don't want to be in a gray area with someone. I wanted follow-through. That's all. The words contradicted the actions, either that or we both have different ideas about what those things mean which was ultimately what I assumed and left it at that.
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