autumn.leaves Posted February 26, 2018 Posted February 26, 2018 Hello everyone! I've been reading the threads around LS ever since my "relationship" ended and have finally decided to reach out for some help. Some background: I reached out to someone from my major that I was interested in him and would like to get to know him a little more. He responded positively, we ended up going on dates once a week from September to end of October. Before we started dating though, he told me that he had family stuff going on in his life and that he couldn't make me a priority, which I told him I was completely fine with.During the span of those two months, we ended up sharing very personal stuff with each other and things seemed to be going fine. He asked me twice about where I saw things between us going too, to which I responded with "I'm not really sure, we're still getting to know each other." Then I noticed him pulling back and responding really late to my texts around the first week November. At the end of the week, he texted me saying that he didn't want anything serious, which I responded by saying "thank you for letting me know." He's ignored me completely in classes ever since then until the end of semester, as if I wasn't there at all. It truly hurt to be honest. It's been a little over 100 days since NC started and I just can't seem to move on. I have so many questions that I want to resolve, and things that I want to talk through. I really want to reach out to him after graduation and talk, but I don't even know what to say. I don't want to come off as desperate or clingy and put him off, but I also need to talk to him so that I can get past this. I would really appreciate any suggestions and feedback
PegNosePete Posted February 26, 2018 Posted February 26, 2018 I don't want to come off as desperate or clingy and put him off I wouldn't worry about that. He's already "off". That's why he dumped you. I also need to talk to him so that I can get past this. What do you need to talk to him about? He has expressed himself perfectly clearly. He doesn't want a relationship with you, not a romantic one nor a friendship. There's really nothing more to say here. You don't need to talk to him, you just need to accept that. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 26, 2018 Posted February 26, 2018 Sorry you're struggling with this, OP. I think your critical error here was getting your hopes up and continuing on even after he told you he couldn't make you a priority. You knew from the beginning, it seems. Perhaps he just sensed you were wanting more and he knew he couldn't be that guy for you, so he pulled the plug altogether. I am not sure what more there is to talk about with him, though. I would try to leave it be now. 1
CaliBabe Posted February 27, 2018 Posted February 27, 2018 I'm sorry you are hurting. I can definitely understand. Contacting him WILL come off as clingly. You don't really need him for closure, you can give yourself closure. Have you tried things to better yourself? For example, working out, reading new books, getting a new hobby, reconnecting with friends? Talking to him will, if anything hurt you more. Reopen the wounds. A counsellor is always recommended as they can really help you out in amazing ways. Good luck OP. 1
Author autumn.leaves Posted March 3, 2018 Author Posted March 3, 2018 Hello again everyone! Apologies for the late check-in What do you need to talk to him about? To be honest, I'm not really sure what it is that I want to talk to him about either. Quite constantly, I get the urge to contact him and to just ask him why? But I know that it will lead me nowhere; I'm just having a really, really hard time controlling my emotions. I won't contact him, as I feel pretty embarrassed by the way he treated me after "breaking" things off. I think your critical error here was getting your hopes up and continuing on even after he told you he couldn't make you a priority. You knew from the beginning, it seems. I think it's just the the thought of ending something that didn't exactly have a chance to start that's getting to me. It's the what if's that are really affecting me :/ I'm sorry you are hurting. I can definitely understand. Contacting him WILL come off as clingly. You don't really need him for closure, you can give yourself closure. Have you tried things to better yourself? For example, working out, reading new books, getting a new hobby, reconnecting with friends? Thank you very much I've been trying to hang out with my friends more, started going to the gym for the past month, I've reconnected with an old best friend of mine. I'm usually doing fine throughout the day and at this point barely think about him during the day-time. It's just at night when I get ready to fall asleep, he always crosses my mind, and I can't help but think about how it just ended. Thank you all! I won't actually contact him, I just need a way to get rid of the idea of reaching out to him. My biggest struggle right now is, like I mentioned, how something that actually didn't begin ended, while things seemed to be going just fine. If we had argued, if he had actually done something to hurt my feelings or break my heart, I imagine it would've helped me move on faster by hating him. I will check in later with updates on how I'm coping.
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