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Anyone have friends or family who knew of your partners affair and DIDN'T tell you?

Theonlyone92

By Theonlyone92
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Theonlyone92 Member

Theonlyone92

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In my case it was my GF and BFF

 

How did they justify it?

How did you react when you found out?

Whats your relationship with them now?

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Let me guess, you’re still with your cheating partner?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Yes, I discovered months after the fact that my ex-boyfriend's best friend knew he was being unfaithful.

 

We had already broken up by the time I found that out, so I didn't really react. I let it be known I was disappointed he hadn't clued me in (we had become friends too, so I thought) but that was the extent of it. He didn't attempt to justify it, and I didn't ask for a justification. It was already over.

 

I have no relationship with either of them today.

mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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Ouch... I'm sorry.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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When my brother had a affair we all knew and didn't feel comfortable telling his GF. TBH it wasn't any of our business. BUT I did lectured my brother about it a couple of times. I told him I wasn't covering for him anymore so he better get his act together. His GF was very hurt when she found out that we knew. Then she thought about it and realized that it would have ruined our relationship with my brother. She would have kept her mouth shut too if it was her brother.

Be_Strong Established Member

Be_Strong

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After I discovered my wife’s affair I learned that one of her girlfriends knew about the affair. I was also friends with this girl, and I’ve pretty much hated her ever since I found out she knew. The weird thing was that I eventually reconciled with my wife and forgave my wife, but I’ve never been able to get back on good terms with the friend.

 

In my case though, I don’t think it was just the fact that the friend knew. She seemed to live vicariously threw my wife’s affair and they would discuss all the gory details. She also seemed to encourage the affair, and after it was out in the open she seemed to be encouraging my wife to leave me.

 

I’ve thought a lot about what I would do if a close friend or family member was having an affair and I found out about it. I’m pretty sure I would go to my family/friend and give them an ultimatum—either you come clean or I’m going to say something.

 

So many people say, “it’s none of my business.” If you were walking down the street and a person was hit by a car and bleeding out on the sidewalk, would you just step over them, and go on with your day and say, “none of my business.” I would hope that most people would just be a decent human being and help even a stranger out.

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Theonlyone92 Member

Theonlyone92

Posted
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Let me guess, you’re still with your cheating partner?

 

NO. But good guess

sour_pikle Established Member

sour_pikle

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After I discovered my wife’s affair I learned that one of her girlfriends knew about the affair. I was also friends with this girl, and I’ve pretty much hated her ever since I found out she knew. The weird thing was that I eventually reconciled with my wife and forgave my wife, but I’ve never been able to get back on good terms with the friend.

 

In my case though, I don’t think it was just the fact that the friend knew. She seemed to live vicariously threw my wife’s affair and they would discuss all the gory details. She also seemed to encourage the affair, and after it was out in the open she seemed to be encouraging my wife to leave me.

 

I’ve thought a lot about what I would do if a close friend or family member was having an affair and I found out about it. I’m pretty sure I would go to my family/friend and give them an ultimatum—either you come clean or I’m going to say something.

 

So many people say, “it’s none of my business.” If you were walking down the street and a person was hit by a car and bleeding out on the sidewalk, would you just step over them, and go on with your day and say, “none of my business.” I would hope that most people would just be a decent human being and help even a stranger out.

 

 

 

Wow, your wife's friend sounds exactly like my ex's best friend. her friend went as far as allowing my ex to use her house to cheat with whoever she had brought back from the bar while on "Girls's night".

 

 

I hated her after I found out. She even went as far as to tell my ex "silly girl, haven't I taught you to delete your texts after your done" because I had caught her with texts from another guy. to this day when I see her in public I fantasize about kicking her in the throat lol

 

 

All joking aside, it really makes you feel attacked, betrayed, backstabbed and the list goes on when you find out someone else was helping your partner cheat, let alone encouraging it.

 

 

The funny thing is, I know this woman was cheating on her husband too while they were taking weekend trips together...but I never told her husband..cause well...I didn't care enough about him or her to tell them. She knows I know and could tell him at any time...that's good enough for me.

act00 Established Member

act00

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It's a real slippery slope and it probably depends a lot on the relationship. If I knew my BIL was cheating on my sister, I would probably tell her; however, if it was my sister cheating on her husband, I don't know that I'd tell my BIL, but I would likely give my sister some what-for, for doing it. In many cases, it isn't your business and relationships can be damaged. What is your hill to die on? Obviously I would be very hurt if my sister or best friend knew of my boyfriend's/husband's infidelity, and it would damage our relationship for not telling me. However, if one of HIS friends knew, it would still damage the relationship, but this is his friend and I'm not nearly as close to that person. I would likely lose them in the divorce anyway. Even in getting back together, that friendship with the friend/family member wouldn't ever be the same, but I would think understandable. I don't know how things would work out if my sister went and told my husband about my wayward ways if I were cheating...I think it would break us.

 

It's a tough choice to make and you have to accept the consequences, even if you're absolutely right in doing what you did.

 

ENCOURAGING and HELPING is a completely other can o' worms. That would really stink!

Nightstick008 Member

Nightstick008

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I had been married for six or seven years. We both had full time jobs and side gigs. Things were not the best I'll admit. I always stayed with in boundaries.

 

She asked permission to quit her job and go back to school. Being the good husband I agreed to pick up the bills and let her pursue another career.

 

A buddy told me why she left her job two years prior. I was stunned. She had an inappropriate relationship at work. I could never get the full details from her job or her. There was a statement she made that barely admitted to any wrong doing. It was full of deceit.

 

Two years had gone by and finally a friend tells me. Come to find out most everyone knew the reason she left her job but me. I was ripped apart. I felt like my man hood was crushed.

 

I did try to understand but it just got worse. It ate at my inner being. I resented her for the lies and deceit. She eventually moved out. That was over a year ago.

 

She served me with divorce papers but hasn't followed through with them. The tide recently turned. I was made aware of a porn video of her on an actual porn site. I had to go through it frame by frame because I was astonished with what I saw. Blew my mind. This video was only three years ago when we were still together. At least it was uploaded then.

 

I can't get her to admit to any of it. She denies it. She says it's not her. I saw the video it's her. WTF? I can't figure out who the male is either which if I could might be somewhat useful.

 

Bottom line is this was a worse case scenario for me. It killed my ego and inner soul. I'm still dealing with it. I resent all that knew and didn't tell me. I don't trust anyone. I feel back stabbed and robbed. I think about leaving this area and just going to be a hermit in a whole new place.

NomiMalone Established Member

NomiMalone

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Wow that's awful Nightstick. I'm sorry to hear that happened. Just remember that when someone chooses to cheat, it says nothing about you, and everything about them (that they're the scum of the earth!) Be glad you can hold your head high knowing that you're not the one with anything to be ashamed of, and those people will have to live with the shame and guilt for what they did. Be glad you're no longer with this woman.

 

Have you tried counselling? If not, it might be a good idea to speak to someone.

 

Maybe a move to a new city WILL do you a world of good.

Edited by NomiMalone
darkbloom Established Member

darkbloom

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I know of a few of my male friends having affairs on their wives. Biggest problem—they wouldn’t believe me if I told them. They are so in love with their picture perfect life they think they’ve created that they wouldn’t listen and then would hate me. Some people don’t want to know the truth even when it’s smacking them in the face.

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Theonlyone92 Member

Theonlyone92

Posted
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I had been married for six or seven years. We both had full time jobs and side gigs. Things were not the best I'll admit. I always stayed with in boundaries.

 

She asked permission to quit her job and go back to school. Being the good husband I agreed to pick up the bills and let her pursue another career.

 

A buddy told me why she left her job two years prior. I was stunned. She had an inappropriate relationship at work. I could never get the full details from her job or her. There was a statement she made that barely admitted to any wrong doing. It was full of deceit.

 

Two years had gone by and finally a friend tells me. Come to find out most everyone knew the reason she left her job but me. I was ripped apart. I felt like my man hood was crushed.

 

I did try to understand but it just got worse. It ate at my inner being. I resented her for the lies and deceit. She eventually moved out. That was over a year ago.

 

She served me with divorce papers but hasn't followed through with them. The tide recently turned. I was made aware of a porn video of her on an actual porn site. I had to go through it frame by frame because I was astonished with what I saw. Blew my mind. This video was only three years ago when we were still together. At least it was uploaded then.

 

I can't get her to admit to any of it. She denies it. She says it's not her. I saw the video it's her. WTF? I can't figure out who the male is either which if I could might be somewhat useful.

 

Bottom line is this was a worse case scenario for me. It killed my ego and inner soul. I'm still dealing with it. I resent all that knew and didn't tell me. I don't trust anyone. I feel back stabbed and robbed. I think about leaving this area and just going to be a hermit in a whole new place.

 

Why did your friend take so long to tell you?

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Theonlyone92 Member

Theonlyone92

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Has anyone bwen in a situation to where YOUR family and parents knew???

My mom did.

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Theonlyone92 Member

Theonlyone92

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Posted (edited)

My gf cheated on me with my bff and some friends and family knew.

[]

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content
William Established Member

William

Posted
Posted (edited)

Discussion of friends and family not disclosing a partner's known infidelity can continue here. For background on, or discussion of, the thread starter's particular relationship issue, please see this thread...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/650216-my-girlfriend-invited-my-friend-sleepover

 

After a minor cleanup, I'll add also to please discuss your own experiences and reactions, meaning where you personally have experienced a partner cheating, a friend or family member knowing, and not telling you.

 

Thanks!

Edited by William
Meta discussion cleanup
Yomachi Member

Yomachi

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I heard from a friend he had been cheating on his GF when he was abroad studying months before she broke it off for unrelated reasons.

 

I had actually expected her to cheat, I never figured he would be the type to cheat.

 

I didn't tell the ex-GF (what good would it do? She'd break up with him again?), but I did make the guy promise that if he ever cheated on a girlfriend again he wouldn't tell me until they broke up.

 

I'm a coward, and don't want to make hard decisions.

Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

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In my case it was my GF and BFF

 

How did they justify it?

How did you react when you found out?

Whats your relationship with them now?

 

 

In my case my fiance was sleeping with my best friend and I caught them in my bed in my house.

 

Many other "friends" knew. Some life long and neighbors I grew up with.

 

 

How did they justify it?

They didn't...for awhile. I found out about 2 of these "friends" when I was in jail.

 

How did you react when you found out?

 

Violently...and very much so.

I would always like to say I am not that person anymore, but I am the same person. I have aged 30 years and have matured enough to be able to control my temper and my violent outbursts(for the most part).

 

Long story short. I had close to 4 years to think about what a confrontation was going to look like, And it looked pretty much like I thought it would when it did happen.

 

Whats your relationship with them now?

 

None. They are nothing to me except a negative experience in the making on sight.

 

I need to say to you, OP, that mine was an extreme case of reacting poorly. I was the poster boy for doing exactly what no one should ever do during confrontation. Had I been mature enough I'd have walked away, devastated, but hopeful to heal and move forward.

 

But I wasn't and I didn't. And I do not condone or wax poetic about anything I did. I talk about it on this forum on occasion to serve as a cautionary tale to those who arrive here determined to kick somebody's ass upon Discovery Day. Not you, but posters now and then come here seeking advice on revenge. And it's just not worth it.

 

 

I'm still paying for it 30 years later.

 

Infidelity is a gift that keeps on giving.....

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Most likely women would say something and men wouldn't which is common. And it all depends on the relationship you have with said person that is being cheated on. I would tell my closest friend, my family member yes for sure. Would they believe me? That would be up to them. If my sister in law knew my husband was cheating would I expect her to tell me? No because it's her brother and I respect that. But I know she would tear a strip off him and make him make a decision.

  • 2 months later...
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Theonlyone92 Member

Theonlyone92

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Wow, your wife's friend sounds exactly like my ex's best friend. her friend went as far as allowing my ex to use her house to cheat with whoever she had brought back from the bar while on "Girls's night".

 

 

I hated her after I found out. She even went as far as to tell my ex "silly girl, haven't I taught you to delete your texts after your done" because I had caught her with texts from another guy. to this day when I see her in public I fantasize about kicking her in the throat lol

 

 

All joking aside, it really makes you feel attacked, betrayed, backstabbed and the list goes on when you find out someone else was helping your partner cheat, let alone encouraging it.

 

 

The funny thing is, I know this woman was cheating on her husband too while they were taking weekend trips together...but I never told her husband..cause well...I didn't care enough about him or her to tell them. She knows I know and could tell him at any time...that's good enough for me.

 

You're mad because no one told YOU yet you have NO PROBLEM doing the EXACT same thing to someone else???

Selfish and hypocritical much???

mingomatic Member

mingomatic

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My exGF's father kind of knew that his daughter had been sleeping with a married man in the past. He was wilfully ignorant and didn't pursue the matter even after the married man's wife called him up.

 

Imagine last year he was all chummy and smiles to me and talking to me like I was about to become his son-in-law

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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When my ex cheated on me his friends kept their mouths shut and played stupid.....I never held any grudges against them. I was devastated it happened, but I got through it without their help.

mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

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A friend of mine was working as a prostitute without her partners knowledge. Her partner worked with my partner, neither of us ever told him. I regret that, he had a right to know.

She did write a book a few years ago about her life as a working girl, and she claims in her book that "all of her partners knew about her work." I know her husband knew, but this other one never knew. She used to dress up in a nurses uniform and tell him she was working as a nurse aid.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Ummmmm cheating on your spouse and choice of doing an illegal activity is a little different. I would say something about that unless it was legal in that area, then I would just leave it up to nature to take it's course. Why didn't your partner tell him??

 

 

 

Kool story tho.

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