At what point do financial lies become unforgivable?

[truthordare]

SO has lied to you in the past about money in order to keep you from leaving the relationship (they have more money than they really do or owe less money than they’ve told you) and you have even left the SO for these lies but have reconciled. You’ve dated a few years but don’t live together however that’s what the SO wants to do and also marry.

 

You are well established financially and worked your whole life. Want to retire if you can in about 4 years.

 

You catch SO again in financial lie and ready to break up BUT this time SO corrects the lie/financial mistake knowing SO has been caught and rationalizes it as follows:

 

Everyone is different about money and didn’t think they did anything wrong. Plus you dated others while there were breaks during relationship and lied about when those ended (kept dating for a while after reconciliation), so let’s start fresh and leave all that behind us.

 

Problem is you apologized and only did it once. SO has done their lying multiple times even to the point where you are so disgusted and angry that you broke up with him. If he loves you so much, why he is still doing it??

 

But you really do love each other (no lying there). Is this intimidating you to stay or does it make sense because it’s the truth?

[Chilli]

Well , firstly , it's a lot more than just one little lie on your part.

You say you love him yet breakup and just start dating someone else,

lf you really love someone you don't just start dating someone else, just like that or especially keep two timing him when you get back together, ypur heartbroken , usually for years, or waiting and hoping to reconcile.

Those things ain;t no one little lie they're the biggest lie of all.

He mightn't have much money but if he does love you as you say l don't think you deserve his love.

 

On the money thing well , the lies are no good but how come if she has no money it's all just fine and he's happy to look after her but when he has no money it's like this , but then women scream equality , well that ain't equality.

Dunno about the rest though.

Edited January 29, 2018 by Chilli

[Gaeta]

I don't date liars and would not endure a lying man in my life.

 

People that respects each other don't lie and don't go fooling around while back in a relationship. Like carhill said: if my boyfriend broke up with me I'd be home crying my heart out, not on the prowl dating others. People that love each other are broken when they part ways, they don't fool around and then continue when the relationship is back on track.

 

Love is really used in every excuse.

[MidwestUSA]

Well , firstly , it's a lot more than just one little lie on your part.

You say you love him yet breakup and just start dating someone else,

lf you really love someone you don't just start dating someone else, just like that or especially keep two timing him when you get back together, ypur heartbroken , usually for years, or waiting and hoping to reconcile.

Those things ain;t no one little lie they're the biggest lie of all.

He mightn't have much money but if he does love you as you say l don't think you deserve his love.

 

On the money thing well , the lies are no good but how come if she has no money it's all just fine and he's happy to look after her but when he has no money it's like this , but then women scream equality , well that ain't equality.

Dunno about the rest though.

 

 

 

I'm pretty sure she meant her SO dated others, and lied about it, as well as a lot of other things.

[smackie9]

A true blue narcissistic personality. They trust no one, not even themselves. They can't do no wrong and if they do, it's not such a big deal because they see nothing wrong with it....you just happen to catch them. They blow smoke up your butt, so they can keep taking advantage or take you for granted....the end result...you feel like a dummy for falling for their tactics. BTW they don't love you...well not as much as themselves. They come first....you? somewhere dead last.

[truthordare]

Bf(m/67) of 6 years has lied about his finances in past to make it sound better than it is (he racked up a lot of credit card debt he couldn’t afford). . Because of this I never lived with him. We do love each other and have chemistry. He is finally getting his finances back on track after much effort on my part of helping him budget etc and him getting a modest cash gift from family. However I find out that his elderly mother is in credit card debt up to her ears and he is working it out through lawyers to close her account (he handles her affairs as her POA. Trouble is he used that account from time to time when he claims he was short on cash including paying car insurance (every month including up to January) but the REAL issue for me is when I asked a month ago he said he only used her card for gas from time to time (he now says he told me car insurance but I don’t recall that at all). What made me ask was I noticed he used her card to pay for an expensive dinner in January and I got really upset so he put his own money in her account to pay it. Today, he tells me he closed his mom's account and is paying down the other one (each month in a good amount) and he called the bank to start debiting his car insurance from his own account (now that I "caught him" right?). I suppose now I need to decide if all these lies should be excused since he wants to move in now? Is it worth the risk ???

[BarbedFenceRider]

Not worth the risk. You need to protect yourself. The fact that there seems to be family and generational issues concerning debt is troubling. Dating is cool, as you and he are compatible, but you don't need a child in your house. And that is exactly what will happen when he has you to "provide" for him and his irresponsibility.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Way too much drama for me. Like Gaeta, I don't date liars and more importantly, I have zero tolerance for the bullsh*t. Love, real love, doesn't behave like this.

[kendahke]

There is not enough love in the world for me to to stay with a liar.

 

They don't believe you deserve the truth.

 

They don't want you in their business, no matter how they claim they feel about you.

 

It's more important to them that they manipulate you through lies than to be truthful and let you make up your own mind about staying or going.

[kendahke]

Bf(m/67) now that I "caught him" right?). I suppose now I need to decide if all these lies should be excused since he wants to move in now? Is it worth the risk ???

 

No, not for you. What do you get out of this but a liar and a false dissembler? You don't know if anything he says is the truth right now--once he's in, you'll have to bring the state in to evict him, so no... let him stay where he is.

 

DO. NOT. MOVE. IN. WITH. HIM. and certainly do not marry him unless you want to be living in a cardboard box at 85.

 

He is a baldfaced liar and thinks nothing of lying to whomever so he can have his way.

 

The minute he's married to you, he'll be in your retirement spending that away for you.

 

If you choose to stay with a liar, which I strongly suggest you don't, then you need to make sure your children have your POA and he is nowhere a part of it.

 

In fact, float a prenup past him and see how he shrieks.