Angela2500 Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 My ex boyfriend dumped me last Dec. We had a 2 weeks cool off (because he wanted space, I'm texting him that time that I want to fix our relationship but he's not reponding). On the day of the break up, he told me he's just going to ask me how am I doing because he found out that I was depressed during the cool off period and then he broke up with me because he don't want to see me hurting and depressed while waiting for him. He told me that he will just court me again if he already found his self. He also told me that maybe he is not the one for me. He asked if we could still be friends. After 2 weeks, I waited for him at the train and gave him a letter (of all the things I want to tell). We talked, he even cried and say 'sorry' because he knows that I'm not yet OK. I asked him if we could do what we did when we were starting (date but no relationship) just to bring back that feeling.. He said 'lets just see', he always say that so i guessed its a No or Not now.. After 2weeks, I greeted him a happy new year and he replied. After 2 weeks, he attended to our friend's bday celeb. He knew I will not come but I went to the celebration just to see him, he was shocked. I'm thinking that we will go home together (were on the same way), but he go home early (he doesn't want to be with me). I go home by myself. He just texted me 'thank you (for the souvenir I gave from my vacation), take care and that he's wishing that I got home safe'. After 2 weeks again (Feb), I texted him, he replied but after telling him that I'm OK, he did not respond again.. I realized its time to apply the NC rule. I'm on my 2 weeks now not texting him, but his bday will be on March, do I need to greet him? I still want him back. Our friend told me that he is still concern with me and that he want us to be OK even if we are not together. If I did not greet him, he may think that I forget him, that I don't want him in my life even if I did, that there will be no 2nd chance for us. I know that he is a good man and he will just reply 'thanks'. Note: during the bday celeb of my friend (January), our friend ask him if he still love me, he said "he can't answer it that time", he always tell them "lets just see" I really want him back, I also want to become OK even without him. I still think of him everyday.. I dont know what to do.. Im confused.. He doesnt contact me, im the first one who always reach out. Pls help me.. Do I need to greet him a Happy birthday?
preraph Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 When a guy tells you that he is not the one for you, Believe him. Just because he is compassionate and feel sorry that he hurt you doesn't mean that he wants to have a relationship with you. He just doesn't want to have guilt on his head. She broke up with you. He tells you things like when he finds himself just trying to soften the blow and make it seem like it's more about him than you, but he broke up with you and has told you he's not the one for you. You need to let him off the hook and stop making him feel guilty and don't worry about his birthday. It will just be one more thing that he wishes you didn't do that makes him feel guilty for hurting you. You need to just go no contact get off his social media give him off yours and stop trying to find him so you can move on. If you keep this up you're going to force him into a corner where he has to get ugly with you to get rid of you and just hurt you worse. I'm sorry you're hurting but you need to accept reality. 4
l8estnews Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 Not a good time to be together. The problem with this scenario is that YOU are not yet over and that you are not willing to move on. Up to you, girl, but this will be a very painful track to tread on. What if he finds another girl? You might be waiting in vain. Don't stop your life because of your ex's indecisiveness. You have your own life to live. Up to you. 1
Highndry Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 He broke up with you. There's nothing you can do. If he wants to be with you, it's going to have to be him reaching out. By continuing to contact him you're pushing him away more than you are bringing him closer. I don't think wishing him a Happy Birthday is a good idea at all. I'd maintain no contact and move on. The ball is in his court. 1
Author Angela2500 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Posted February 23, 2018 Thank you for your reply preraph. Reading your message made me cry. I don't want him to feel guilty, but it really hurts. I don't want to see him for now but I'm still hoping for a second chance in time. I got your point and it really hit me.. Truth hurts. I'm also afraid that I might see him on May.. He is my officemate but he was transferred to our client's office 2 yrs ago.. There's a news here that they will be back on our office on May. Knowing that he will be here makes me feel sad, panic.. We used to eat, go home together when he was still at the office and it will change just like that.. I'm not yet ready.
Author Angela2500 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Posted February 23, 2018 Also, last Feb 16 was our company's annual physical examination. I file a leave (not to see him and just to have peace of mind) that day bcoz I know that he will be there too.. He asked my friend why I'm not there, my friend told him that I'm avoiding him, that I'll be doing our physical exam in an affiliated clinic. I decided to look at my blocked messages in my phone and found out that he texted me yesterday asking if I already take the physical exam. Do I need to reply? Im happy that I did not reply immediately but I'm thinking if I need to reply?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 Also, last Feb 16 was our company's annual physical examination. I file a leave (not to see him and just to have peace of mind) that day bcoz I know that he will be there too.. He asked my friend why I'm not there, my friend told him that I'm avoiding him, that I'll be doing our physical exam in an affiliated clinic. I decided to look at my blocked messages in my phone and found out that he texted me yesterday asking if I already take the physical exam. Do I need to reply? Im happy that I did not reply immediately but I'm thinking if I need to reply? No, you do not need to reply. It's not his business what you do. You need to let go of him, OP. He sees you're not handling the break-up well and feels bad, but there is no indication that a reconciliation is in the cards. Try not to confuse guilt and sympathy (from him) for desire to be together again. Don't worry about May yet, either. It's still months away and you will likely be further along your healing by then - if you let go and don't contact him. 1
Young mind Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 As much as I second all the advice given here, i find it idealistic and not realistic: NC BLOCK etc, that's great , but you have to accept this breakup unless you're only doing NC for him to miss you ,I don't know how long you've been together , but if it's a long time, it will be extremely hard not to wish him happy birthday. This will be your choice but I think if you have the need to send him a happy birthday text, it still shows you're human and we're once friends, don't bother about how he will interpret it or if he will answer it, you will gain inner peace and slowly you will move on 1
Highndry Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 As much as I second all the advice given here, i find it idealistic and not realistic: NC BLOCK etc, that's great , but you have to accept this breakup unless you're only doing NC for him to miss you ,I don't know how long you've been together , but if it's a long time, it will be extremely hard not to wish him happy birthday. This will be your choice but I think if you have the need to send him a happy birthday text, it still shows you're human and we're once friends, don't bother about how he will interpret it or if he will answer it, you will gain inner peace and slowly you will move on This is very bad advice for somebody who was dumped. Encouraging the dumpee to reach out and wish the dumper Happy Birthday, "to show she is human," is ridiculous. He knows exactly who and what she is, and she doesn't need to pad his ego by sending that. 1
BarbedFenceRider Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 Might be a time to wish someone else a "happy birthday" instead. Start to put your eggs back into your own basket for awhile. If you can start to wrap your head around the fact that your "love" for him is a love for that moment in time...That you cannot get back. And there is none there in the present. Enjoy the fact you found something that you need in a relationship and apply that to yourself. Then, after awhile you may feel like giving it to someone new who wants to have what you are offering...Best of luck. 1
Author Angela2500 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Posted February 23, 2018 As much as I second all the advice given here, i find it idealistic and not realistic: NC BLOCK etc, that's great , but you have to accept this breakup unless you're only doing NC for him to miss you ,I don't know how long you've been together , but if it's a long time, it will be extremely hard not to wish him happy birthday. This will be your choice but I think if you have the need to send him a happy birthday text, it still shows you're human and we're once friends, don't bother about how he will interpret it or if he will answer it, you will gain inner peace and slowly you will move on Mutual understanding (dating/getting to know) for 1 yr + official relationship for 2.5 yrs.. I'm doing the NC for me to become OK, to stop hoping but its really hard (deep inside, I also want him to miss me) but I'm more focus to become OK, to be happy again.. I guessed they are correct that he's just concern that's why he texted me (because he is guilty) and still don't want to come back.. Birthday is an important day to me, and I did love him after all, he is a nice person so I still want to be nice to him but I'm in pain and don't want to look desperate.. By the way, thanks to those who replied.. I appreciated the effort and the time to read my story and share their thoughts.. Big help to me..
Author Angela2500 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Posted February 23, 2018 He broke up with you. There's nothing you can do. If he wants to be with you, it's going to have to be him reaching out. By continuing to contact him you're pushing him away more than you are bringing him closer. I don't think wishing him a Happy Birthday is a good idea at all. I'd maintain no contact and move on. The ball is in his court. I agree. I'm believe that if he is the one for me, he will come back.. Maybe not now.. But if not, there is someone better. But it is really hard right now not to break NC.. I wish I could bury this phone on that day so I can't text him..
Author Angela2500 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Posted February 23, 2018 No, you do not need to reply. It's not his business what you do. You need to let go of him, OP. He sees you're not handling the break-up well and feels bad, but there is no indication that a reconciliation is in the cards. Try not to confuse guilt and sympathy (from him) for desire to be together again. Don't worry about May yet, either. It's still months away and you will likely be further along your healing by then - if you let go and don't contact him. Still praying that he will never come back to the office so I won't see him again.. I also prayed that if ever he comes back, I am ready to face him with strength and confidence, emotionally stable and not affected by his presence.
Young mind Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 This is very bad advice for somebody who was dumped. Encouraging the dumpee to reach out and wish the dumper Happy Birthday, "to show she is human," is ridiculous. He knows exactly who and what she is, and she doesn't need to pad his ego by sending that. All due respect, and I stand to be corrected, there's no good or bad advise here, most of the advice here is MOVE ON!, basically you could write that one word answer and it equals all the advice written here in ideal terms. Some say it's easier to give advice that take it, we all speak from hurt and maybe that hurt prevents us from moving on properly. Yes before all the breakup drama, they were once close and shared each other's birthdays, what is really wrong with her sending a birthday text, is it her ex ego or her feelings we try to protect?.will it make her less f a person?,I did send my ex gf a birthday text as hers was a month after the breakup, I can't remember feeling less powerful or stroking anyone's ego. Ultimately, this is your call OP
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