swordsmen121 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 So I have been with this girl for about 6 months who has depression issues. She has the tendency to push me away when she is stressed out and depressed. She claims that she loves me and does not want to be alone without me. 6 months into our relationship we found out she was pregnant. Prior to her pregnancy she mentioned that she didn't want any more kids (she has two from a prior relationship). As a result she did get an abortion which has been hard for both of us. Since the abortion she has consistently pushed me away and cries everytime she does it. She constantly apologizes for her behavior and tells me that she loves me but rather me have someone else someone better than her. Lately she has asked to slow things down. She mentioned that she needs to get better emotionally and that this will make her love stronger for me again. She also mentioned that she would still like to see me but not as much for now. I used to see her almost everyday and even lived with her. Her kids love me and always ask her when I will be back. Now she says that she wants to see me only once a week and she rather not have me see her kids as she doesn't want to confuse them by telling them that we break up only to see me come back a few days later. She mentioned that she rather meet me outside of her house or when the kids are not at home if we do meet. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I feel resentment because I was always pushed away only to come back and now she wants to slow things down between us. I miss seeing her kids too. I feel that I should not contact her but only wait for her to contact me. I feel like taking this whole thing as a break up as a means to protect myself in case she decides not to want me in her life anymore after this slow down period. I'm hurt and I feel lost. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 So I have been with this girl for about 6 months who has depression issues. She has the tendency to push me away when she is stressed out and depressed. She claims that she loves me and does not want to be alone without me. 6 months into our relationship we found out she was pregnant. Prior to her pregnancy she mentioned that she didn't want any more kids (she has two from a prior relationship). As a result she did get an abortion which has been hard for both of us. Since the abortion she has consistently pushed me away and cries everytime she does it. She constantly apologizes for her behavior and tells me that she loves me but rather me have someone else someone better than her. Lately she has asked to slow things down. She mentioned that she needs to get better emotionally and that this will make her love stronger for me again. She also mentioned that she would still like to see me but not as much for now. I used to see her almost everyday and even lived with her. Her kids love me and always ask her when I will be back. Now she says that she wants to see me only once a week and she rather not have me see her kids as she doesn't want to confuse them by telling them that we break up only to see me come back a few days later. She mentioned that she rather meet me outside of her house or when the kids are not at home if we do meet. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I feel resentment because I was always pushed away only to come back and now she wants to slow things down between us. I miss seeing her kids too. I feel that I should not contact her but only wait for her to contact me. I feel like taking this whole thing as a break up as a means to protect myself in case she decides not to want me in her life anymore after this slow down period. I'm hurt and I feel lost. Big red flag! After 6 months, she shouldn't be pushing you away or trying to slow things down when you have already been through so much. I have a feeling that she may not see you as the one, the abortion def affected her emotions and she may most likely leave you. In a relationship you should have to get feelings for someone you care about. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Unfortunately it doesn't sound like is in any state to maintain a healthy and functional relationship right now. She doesn't sound well and that isn't something she is just going to snap out of. I'm sorry you are hurting, and I completely understand why you would begin to feel resentful by her pulling away. In this situation, there is nothing you can do but know what your limits are, and once they crossed, you will have to end the relationship for your own sake. For what it is worth, I think this is a result of her mental health issues, not because she is a bad person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Sounds to me like she's trying to fade you out of her life gradually. Telling you to find someone better than her is either childish attention seeking or her way of telling you to move on, and as far as her depression goes...are you sure it's depression and not just self pity? Maybe you should be less available to her, she sounds toxic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swordsmen121 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Sounds to me like she's trying to fade you out of her life gradually. Telling you to find someone better than her is either childish attention seeking or her way of telling you to move on, and as far as her depression goes...are you sure it's depression and not just self pity? Maybe you should be less available to her, she sounds toxic. She does have depression as she takes medication for it. She's been off it lately because of the abortion. After the whole conversation she wanted to make out with me and told me she loved me. My resentment was apparent from my body language. She asked for a hug and kiss before I left. She texted me that she loves me after I left too. She has asked me to trust her into believing that she still loves me. She mentioned right now just isn't a good time for us to communicate. She's trying to get over the abortion and feels regret at times. Her co worker who is also pregnant decided to keep the baby when my girlfriend herself decided to abort instead which must be stressful for my girlfriend on it's own. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Depression after an abortion is common, if she was already suffering from depression prior to her abortion she must be in a really dark place. Stopping her meds was a very unresponsible decision. People should not quick anti-depressant without the express advice of a doctor, if you end the anti-depressant too quickly it will throw you in a deeper depression. She wants to break up but she doesn't have the strenght to do it. She doesn't want to hurt you. I suggest you help her put an end to this. YOU break up the relationship and let her take care of herself. When she feels better she can get in touch with you, and if then you are single still you can rekindle your relationship. Telling a man you've had a very intimate and personal relationship with that from now on you just want to see him out of your home once a week is cruel. She doesn't know it's cruel, she is too depressed to use good judgement. You should not accept that for the good of both of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author swordsmen121 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Depression after an abortion is common, if she was already suffering from depression prior to her abortion she must be in a really dark place. Stopping her meds was a very unresponsible decision. People should not quick anti-depressant without the express advice of a doctor, if you end the anti-depressant too quickly it will throw you in a deeper depression. She wants to break up but she doesn't have the strenght to do it. She doesn't want to hurt you. I suggest you help her put an end to this. YOU break up the relationship and let her take care of herself. When she feels better she can get in touch with you, and if then you are single still you can rekindle your relationship. Telling a man you've had a very intimate and personal relationship with that from now on you just want to see him out of your home once a week is cruel. She doesn't know it's cruel, she is too depressed to use good judgement. You should not accept that for the good of both of you. To be honest I am telling myself that we broke up. I'll still give her half of my attention if she comes looking for it. But I rather wait it out and let her the strength to tell me that she wants to end this. It's already hurting me alot as I've accepted this whole thing as a loss. I lost the child and I lost her with it too. It's tough but this is the only way I can have control over my own situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swordsmen121 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Could anyone else please give me more insight to this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 She needs to deal with her issues like an adult and seek out proper therapy and manage her depression with medication. People who have mental illness or depression need to take accountability because only them can make a difference. IMO she isn’t owning it and it’s not your problem. This is all on her to get it together. Sounds harsh but its reality. As they say you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Honestly to me it sounds like having this pregnancy was a reality check for her. I'm sure she has her hands full with the two kids she already has, and maybe in the process of that realization maybe she doesn't want to make any another family with someone, she adjusted her thinking about you. I mean the pregnancy was a careless mistake, and maybe it woke her up that she needs to be more responsible. Her Moves about her existing children are logical. She shouldn't be putting people in their lives and then taking them away. I imagine she's trying to figure out some things now from a new perspective. I hope that when she does she is honest with you about it. Sorry you are lost and hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I'm sorry OP, but I think a break-up is coming. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Yeahhhhh.... not good. Link to post Share on other sites
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