sunflower1008 Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 I am in a situation where everything was going great with the MM, and he decided he couldn't handle the affair anymore (after him pursuing me like crazy). We get along so well, and everything about it was great. But now he says he can't be involved with me and try to work on his marriage. I try to understand this but it hurts like crazy. We can try to be friends but who knows if that will work (it almost never does, right?). But my question is - I want to meet him one last time for closure. I know nothing physical will happen - but I need this for myself. Some people don't need this closure and I understand this but I do. It closes things in my mind. Am I being unreasonable if I ask him?
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 You'll have to ask yourself what he can give you in terms of closure that you are incapable of giving yourself without him.
lynnered Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 no ,i don't feel u are being unreasonable to ask him, I'm the same way when a situation ends i need face to face goodbye &closure , and the friends thing no ,i wouldnt do that especially since he's trying to work on his marriage , close that door so you can open another one !! good luck
shalae204 Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 I was in a similiar situation and felt like i needed closure as well i felt like i needed to call him just one last time or i kept thinking oh i should've told him this n that i wished i could see him more than anything just once more however a friend of mine talked me out of it - he said well what else can you say to him besides i'm gonna miss you, i can't believe it's over or i don't want it to be over and most likely he's having the same feelings that you are..you know? he likes you too i decided he was right and toughed it out spent a lot of nights and days boo-hooing but you'll get over it for sure...oh and another thing a few weeks after everything had ended he called me to just to say hi and see how things were going and he still calls me sometimes just to talk i don't know everything sunflower i mean i got all kinds of problems but i think that pursuing this closure thing might complicate things more you should just let it go and see what happens
Dean3922 Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 Thank him on doing the right thing for his marriage and the right thing for you...
Author sunflower1008 Posted August 29, 2005 Author Posted August 29, 2005 Thanks so much for all your replies. I feel like I need this closure and it will help me move on....to know that it's finally over. I guess I want to prove something to myself to - that if we're over, we're over. And I can say goodbye on my terms and end it in my mind.
kechara Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 I think that it will be good for you to say what you need to say, because it just sits inside and festers otherwise. I'd ask him if you can get together one last time, that you won't be asking for him back but you need an opportunity to say what's on your mind, and that you hope that he will take this opportunity to say whatever's on his mind. Establish the parameters. Explain that at the end of the conversation, you just want to say goodbye and wish him good luck.
Author sunflower1008 Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 Well, after talking to him last Wenesday, he said he would call me on Thursday and tell me if we can meet on Friday so I can tell him some things and close things in my mind. Guess what?? The call never came. How surprising. There I was, waiting the whole day...no email, no call. To put it mildly, I was very hurt. It made things clear in my mind once and for all. Friday came and he called first thing. He told me he couldn't meet me that afternoon because he had some friends coming over to the house. I was cold towards him and unfeeling. He wanted to know if we could meet next week (after Labor Day). He will never get a call or an email from me again. This has made the closure in my mind possible without seeing him again. How rude of him to treat me like that, after what we felt for each other and everything we went through. I even told him I would make it easy on him...give me 5 minutes on Friday and say goodbye. But no. I don't know everything and I'm not perfect, but this I know for sure: I have enough respect for myself not to be treated like this and hurt so terrible when I have given him nothing but understanding and to be patient with him. Maybe it takes something like this to open one's eyes. When all I asked is for him to help ME deal with this (and I have never asked him for a favor at all in this relationship), and he can't even help me ONE friggin time, I think that says it all. I hope this helps all the OW's since so many of you ask "why is the MM man treating me terrible?". I think they love the drama and they want it to go on but go with your instincts. If something inside your gut says, hey, this isn't too cool.....it usually isn't. Life will go on and in a way, I feel a relief. Like a cloud has been lifted and I don't have to put up with this drama anymore. To know that someone would not help me to move on, when he could have, is terrible in my eyes. Will he contact me next week? I don't really care - I have seen how he truly is.
newbby Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 hey sunflower, i know how you feel. its not nice when you get the sudden reality check of how much they actually "care". it is though as you say, somewhat of a relief when you do actually know the truth of it. i hope you are still staying strong.
Author sunflower1008 Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 Thanks Newbby! I am staying strong and I have decided not to contact him tomorrow (Tuesday). If he wants to meet with me, then he will have to do the contacting. He is a closed issue in my mind. I'm sure I won't hear from him again........and then that says alot, doesn't it? Thanks for listening to me rant and rave
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