ExposedBrick Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 I have been on two dates with a very attractive but quiet lady. On our first date, she described herself as being reeves and introverted. She travels a lot for work and works very long hours. She takes a very long time to respond to my texts and I thought I had been ghosted on two occasions as she took over 24 hours to respond. She definitely seems kind of on the uptight side and the conversations haven’t been as smooth as I would hope for. She doesn’t seem like a very expressive person and is really hard to read. I’m having difficulty knowing if she is having a good time. We have a third date planned which involves a dinner and amateur comedy night. I have such a hard time reading her, would it be alright to check-in with her and ask her if she is having a good time periodically? I’m not sure if she is interested in me or not, is it too early to be very direct with her? At what point can I inquire what is she looking for such as casual dating or something serious? After the third date activities, is it too early to invite her to my place if she the taking it slow type(not expecting sex but maybe a makeout session)?
normal person Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 She takes a very long time to respond to my texts and I thought I had been ghosted on two occasions as she took over 24 hours to respond. "Ghosting" would be if you never heard from her again. She just takes longer than you'd like to reply. She definitely seems kind of on the uptight side and the conversations haven’t been as smooth as I would hope for. She doesn’t seem like a very expressive person and is really hard to read. I’m having difficulty knowing if she is having a good time. This sounds less than ideal. You haven't mentioned that you like anything about her either. At this point I'm sort of wondering why you're bothering with her. It seems like a chore, almost. It doesn't sound enjoyable. We have a third date planned which involves a dinner and amateur comedy night. I have such a hard time reading her, would it be alright to check-in with her and ask her if she is having a good time periodically? Once, maybe. Periodically, no. She's agreed to to see you a third time. Take that as a good sign. The more you question whether or not she's enjoying herself, the more insecure you're going to look. That being said, if she didn't enjoy herself with you, she probably wouldn't have seen you a second time, let alone agree to a third. I’m not sure if she is interested in me or not, is it too early to be very direct with her? At what point can I inquire what is she looking for such as casual dating or something serious? I wouldn't be too pushy, but that's just me. I'd just wait for the relationship to define itself organically. It doesn't seem like you even like this girl that much or that you get along particularly easily. No sense giving her the added pressure of "what are we doing here?" while you don't have to. You've seen her twice, you've got some time. After the third date activities, is it too early to invite her to my place if she the taking it slow type(not expecting sex but maybe a makeout session)? Depends on the girl and the circumstances. 1
Happy Lemming Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 (edited) How about you stop texting and call her and talk to her. If she doesn't answer leave a voice-mail, don't just hang up. As a general rule, if I don't return a call within 24 hours, I'm either dead or in a coma. If she is taking longer than 24 hours to get back to you, I'm guessing she isn't that into you. (work or not, 24 hours is enough time to return a call) No, I would not check in during the date to see if she is having fun or not. Just let the date flow. If she is having a horrible time, she ask you to take her home or excuse herself. But the comedy club and dinner sound fun, you should be OK. As far as third date and sex, it doesn't hurt to hint at it, but usually you can tell if its going to happen or not. I've rarely been surprised by a woman. I can read her during the date and tell. But yes, I don't think making out would be obscure for a third date. Edited February 22, 2018 by Happy Lemming 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 22, 2018 Author Posted February 22, 2018 How about you stop texting and call her and talk to her. If she doesn't answer leave a voice-mail, don't just hang up. As a general rule, if I don't return a call within 24 hours, I'm either dead or in a coma. If she is taking longer than 24 hours to get back to you, I'm guessing she isn't that into you. (work or not, 24 hours is enough time to return a call) No, I would not check in during the date to see if she is having fun or not. Just let the date flow. If she is having a horrible time, she ask you to take her home or excuse herself. But the comedy club and dinner sound fun, you should be OK. As far as third date and sex, it doesn't hurt to hint at it, but usually you can tell if its going to happen or not. I've rarely been surprised by a woman. I can read her during the date and tell. But yes, I don't think making out would be obscure for a third date. While she stated she was introverted/reserved, she just seems very timid. She is definitely on the quiet side. When she does open up, she seems interesting and we have some stuff in common. I know some people just take some time to warm up. It’s been challenging trying to build a rapport with her. She travels for work 4 days per week and works 14 hour days while traveling. The only opportunity I have to see her is on the weekend. I went on a few dates with a similar woman before. She was quiet and a tough read. I thought she wasn’t having fun and the conversation wasn’t very smooth despite her being very attractive and having a lot in common. When I told her I just wanted to be friends, she was really upset. I had regretted it and wish I had given her more time until we had a chance to talk about our opinions of one another more candidly. I guess I’m trying not to make the same mistake again. I’m not looking to date someone casually at this point in my life. In general, I’m trying to figure out what a woman’s goals are early on. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to ask if someone is looking for marriage and kids. It doesn’t have to be with me per se right away, I just want to know if that’s their end game.
Happy Lemming Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to ask if someone is looking for marriage and kids. Do you really want to marry someone who can't return your phone call in a timely manner?? Job or not, she can make time to call you or at least text you after she gets done with her work day. I could easily fire off an e-mail when I worked, only takes a minute or two. Same amount of time it took to type this post... If you are into someone, you get excited when they call. You can't wait to see them. You get those little butterflies in your stomach. Your pulse races and you feel happy, constantly, while you are with them. You see her eyes "smile" and light up when you first arrive. Timid or not, you deserve someone who WANTS to be with you. In the beginning of a dating relationship, the other person should be enthusiastic about being with you. How is her body language?? Is she just going through the motions of going out on a date?? You tell me, do you think she isn't that into you.
kendahke Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 When is it OK to ask for clarification The instant something doesn't make sense or can be open to more than one interpretation. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 (edited) I'm someone who advocates for clarification sooner rather than later in most cases. That has more to do with my age (I'm 49) and not wanting to waste unnecessary time with men who are not on the same page as me as my time is valuable. I know what I want and I know what I don't want and I'm not afraid to ask the tough questions and deal with things head on so I know where I stand and then move accordingly. I'm not sure of your age but if you want to be with someone who is looking for something more than just casual dating then perhaps it's time to find out and lay out all your cards and see what happens. That being said, you seem to attract a certain time of woman which is giving you some frustration. If you're not careful, your need to check in constantly with her with "are you having a good time" after every date in order to gauge her feelings will make you appear very insecure and needy which may turn her off and send her running for the hills. Women like confident men. I think it's fine to talk about what each of you are looking for if only to not waste time and invest energy and emotions into someone who isn't in the same head space as you. And finally, I don't care how busy someone is, when someone is genuinely interested in someone they will ALWAYS make time for them and that includes texting in a timely manner. I suspect she likes you enough to accept multiple dates but may not be ready or interested in anything too serious. Good luck. Edited February 22, 2018 by Michelle ma Belle 1
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 I have such a hard time reading her, would it be alright to check-in with her and ask her if she is having a good time periodically? Yes. Ask once in the middle of dinner. After each act at the comedy show ask what she thought of that act. I’m not sure if she is interested in me or not, is it too early to be very direct with her? Maybe. Reserved introverted people can feel attacked by direct Qs. So I'd be more diplomatic & circumspect. Although you think 24 hours is too long to get back to you she probably sees herself as forthcoming. So think about her perspective. At what point can I inquire what is she looking for such as casual dating or something serious? Before intimacy. After the third date activities, is it too early to invite her to my place if she the taking it slow type(not expecting sex but maybe a makeout session)? You can casually ask but expect to be turned down. 3 dates is probably too soon to go back to your place. Can you hold out 'til 5 or 6 for that? You may still be able to organize a hot & heavy make out session in a car, on a park bench etc. 1
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 If she accepted a 3rd date It's because she is somewhat interested. Does she need to be 100% into you right away? As long as she is accepting your dates than go with the flow. No, do not invite her to your place. A man should wait for the woman to make the first home-invitation. That way you don't risk doing a faux-pas, wait for her to indicate home dates are ok. 1
simplysarahg Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 For me, I think the 3rd date is the most important date to judge where you stand starting out. Here's some more insight on this subject: Why the 3rd Date is the Most Important Date I hope this helps!
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 22, 2018 Author Posted February 22, 2018 Maybe. Reserved introverted people can feel attacked by direct Qs. So I'd be more diplomatic & circumspect. Although you think 24 hours is too long to get back to you she probably sees herself as forthcoming. So think about her perspective. How would this person see herself as forthcoming? To clarify, she works very long hours. She does respond to the texts just not until late in the evening usually.
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 22, 2018 Author Posted February 22, 2018 Timid or not, you deserve someone who WANTS to be with you. In the beginning of a dating relationship, the other person should be enthusiastic about being with you. How is her body language?? Is she just going through the motions of going out on a date?? You tell me, do you think she isn't that into you. The body language is often pretty flat. She just seems like a timid person who probably needs some time to warm up. I thought the comedy show might loosen her up a bit and she if she is capable of letting loose. I don’t have a problem with taking things slow.
smackie9 Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 If I had to sit across the table from a guy that was like this, there wouldn't be a second date no matter how good looking. You get what you get. This is her personality. try to look past the looks and see her personality....sounds to me she a dud. 3
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 How would this person see herself as forthcoming? To clarify, she works very long hours. She does respond to the texts just not until late in the evening usually. Because she responds at all. To her, that may be the height of being forthcoming & available. Not everybody wears their hearts on their sleeves.
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 If I had to sit across the table from a guy that was like this, there wouldn't be a second date no matter how good looking. You get what you get. This is her personality. try to look past the looks and see her personality....sounds to me she a dud. Exactly. But for some reason the OP wants to pursue despite the frustrations her personality creates. Personally, I can't imagine time being more wasted but that's just me. I don't want to have to coax information or reactions from someone I'm dating or run in circles around them trying to get them to behave in ways that makes ME feel better about 'us'. Talk about exhausting. You either accept her the way she is or you don't. Whatever you do, don't think you can change her. 3
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 How about you stop texting and call her and talk to her. If she doesn't answer leave a voice-mail, don't just hang up. As a general rule, if I don't return a call within 24 hours, I'm either dead or in a coma. If she is taking longer than 24 hours to get back to you, I'm guessing she isn't that into you. (work or not, 24 hours is enough time to return a call) No, I would not check in during the date to see if she is having fun or not. Just let the date flow. If she is having a horrible time, she ask you to take her home or excuse herself. But the comedy club and dinner sound fun, you should be OK. As far as third date and sex, it doesn't hurt to hint at it, but usually you can tell if its going to happen or not. I've rarely been surprised by a woman. I can read her during the date and tell. But yes, I don't think making out would be obscure for a third date. I've always seen this as the case, no matter what someone does for a job, 24 hours is unreasonable to return someone's text/call. The only time my bf ever took that long is when he went on vacation, where he only signal when he was on land. Let it flow, don't ask anything at this point and you will find out in a short while if she is interested.
Soak Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 Sex after a third date? Geez, that's a bit pushy. She's probably reserved to save herself from pushy people who just want to get what they want.
joseb Posted February 25, 2018 Posted February 25, 2018 Op, what is it about her that makes *you* consider her a long term partner?
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