elijah1984 Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 I have having anger management issues and I’ve been told by my sister that a vacation will really do me good. She’s not a psychologist or anything, but she said that I sound like I need a break. I was thinking about going to Peru for a quick getaway from work. Do you guys think she’s right about going on a holiday and if ever, is Peru a good choice? Another friend of mine said maybe I should go out on dates. He said that if I started dating, I might be able to handle my anger better. He suggested signing up for Tinder or Match, going on a dating foreign event, and randomly hitting up on girls at bars. I’m not sure with their ideas. Should I seek therapy instead of listening to them? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Without knowing what triggers your anger and how severe it is, there is no way of us answering your question. I will say that if work makes you angry, a vacation may give a temporary reprieve. But it will do nothing to fix the underlying issues. Not at all sure how dating would solve your issues. If anything, having an anger problem will just make you crash and burn with any woman you may start dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Instead, how about using the money to pay for an anger management therapist to help you figure out how to diffuse your anger and learn better ways of expressing it rather than deflecting and distracting yourself? Because as the saying goes "no matter where you go, there you are". You're going to take your anger issues with you no matter where in the world you go and over there, if something triggers you, it ain't like you're in the states. Eventually, this is going to have to be dealt with and resolved. The sooner the better. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 those things are distractions. It won't cure an anger problem you have had probably since forever. So research and find a good anger management course. I know someone who did one and is SO much better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elijah1984 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 Without knowing what triggers your anger and how severe it is, there is no way of us answering your question. I will say that if work makes you angry, a vacation may give a temporary reprieve. But it will do nothing to fix the underlying issues. Not at all sure how dating would solve your issues. If anything, having an anger problem will just make you crash and burn with any woman you may start dating. Maybe my friends believe that a woman would be able to "tame" me, i guess? Anyhow, you give a good point. Maybe I should address this issue in another way that can give me permanent results instead of a vacation which is only temp. Thanks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elijah1984 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 Instead, how about using the money to pay for an anger management therapist to help you figure out how to diffuse your anger and learn better ways of expressing it rather than deflecting and distracting yourself? Because as the saying goes "no matter where you go, there you are". You're going to take your anger issues with you no matter where in the world you go and over there, if something triggers you, it ain't like you're in the states. Eventually, this is going to have to be dealt with and resolved. The sooner the better. So what you're saying is that I should find an alternative outlet? You might've just given me an idea. Maybe I could find comfort in the arts or anything physically interactive? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elijah1984 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 those things are distractions. It won't cure an anger problem you have had probably since forever. So research and find a good anger management course. I know someone who did one and is SO much better. I've done quite some research and they say that the best remedy for anger is expressing one's emotions through an outlet like the arts or something interactive. I should invest my money on something like that instead, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 (edited) So what you're saying is that I should find an alternative outlet? You might've just given me an idea. Maybe I could find comfort in the arts or anything physically interactive? No. I believe I was very clear in what I said: Instead, how about using the money to pay for an anger management therapist to help you figure out how to diffuse your anger and learn better ways of expressing it rather than deflecting and distracting yourself? Arts and physically interactive whatever are distractions and will not address the root causes of either your anger or why you are afraid to address it. What you read is something that buttresses distraction and not taking responsibility for your actions as a result of your anger. Anger issues only get worse as time goes on and and they're still not addressed. Edited February 22, 2018 by kendahke 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Maybe my friends believe that a woman would be able to "tame" me, i guess? Anyhow, you give a good point. Maybe I should address this issue in another way that can give me permanent results instead of a vacation which is only temp. Thanks! A very naive and foolish thought. I am sure your friends are only trying to help you, but advising that you date to manage your anger problems is really not good advice. I have dated a man with an anger management problem, and it was without a doubt the worst relationship of my life. You will almost certainly carry the hostility you feel into any dating relationship and project it on to the woman. Please, don't listen to your friends here. They don't know what they're talking about. Therapy is the way to go. Investing in artistic hobbies or a holiday is a nice idea as a temporary means to dial down your emotional temperature, but they won't resolve anything in the long-term. Unless and until you get at the root of your issues, holidays and art will only be a Band-Aid fix. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 My vote is for some late summer hiking in the Andes. See how you feel upon return and then, if feeling uplifted from the experience, share it with someone. An interesting man is usually a good date. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 I highly doubt dating is going to help your anger. It's just going to add to your frustration if things don't work as well as you hoped. Whether a vacation will help depends strongly on the kind of issues you're facing. I strongly suggest professional help to try and deal with those issues - I know there's a lot of stigma surrounding counselling, but trust me, it is worth it even for issues you might perceive as minor. A "quick" getaway might be a bit stressful for you and probably won't be calming. You might want a longer break if you can get it. I know others might think it's a "band-aid" solution, but I feel a break is good to get your head in the right space to get further help. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 (edited) a lot of artists across the genres use the arts to express emotion in psych wards in australia the arts are widely used to help mentally ill peoples.....there are art classes and collage classes ..scrapbooking classes and creative pursuits by teachers who come into the psych wards to do classes....and it helps it truly does.... you do need to see a professional person to diagnose if you have anger management issues or an underlying illness....causing anger issues....depression is one where you get angry and snappy even though you are actually depressed any radical behaviors that are different from how you are normally are is something that should be discussed with a doctor.... art is great for expressing emotions....and it does help calm and soothe the soul while doing art or writing or whatever ...but that wears off after yoru fix of art is gone.......because the issue still exists ...a lot of good artists end up dead early....because art doesnt replace true human communication... art....its a band aid only...band aids are useful and the best invention ever...but not if you try to put a band aid over a festering and infected sore.....that needs antibiotics to heal....i reckon every body should have band aids in their home....just like i feel everybody should at least try art adn se hwo doing art makes them feel.....but i also believe ....that band aids are band aids and dont heal everything....art is not meant to replace human connections and getting advice or help when its needed. you know i was thinkin.... if its your work that makes you unhappy....and angry...maybe you should start looking for a job that would make you happy...and at peace....i believe all people do their jobs better if they actually...enjoy what they do that enjoyment goes past the working day ...into after work life.......happiness and a feeling of self fulfillment....just sayin....maybe that is something for you to ponder too....smilin...i wish you well whatever you decide to do .....deb Edited February 22, 2018 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 OP's complaint is as old as the hills for any man who's been around. It's simply more politically correct now to talk about it. Back in the day we'd have a few fist fights, dust ourselves off, shake hands and move on. He's looking for a way to process out the anger, a normal male emotion. Dating women won't help that at all If his username indicates age, he's young, early-mid 30's. Just getting to the tipover point where reflection and life experience can work their magic. OP, did you suffer as a kid? Were you abused? Assaulted? Molested? I'm asking because such matters at a young age can result in what I call 'red tapes' and that kind of anger probably needs professional attention. It's tough to process out on one's own. Possible, sure. Back when I was your age and frustrations with dating and other life matters got overwhelming, and the fist fighting era was decidedly over, travel and exercise, brutal exercise, seemed to work well to divert, distract, reset or simply exhaust the anger. Once it was gone, that lasted for a long time, long enough to get married anyway. Get married and you achieve a whole new level Just kidding. It'll work out. Don't date though. Work on yourself solo or with a professional. That's my .02. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 (edited) a lot of artists across the genres use the arts to express emotion in psych wards in australia the arts are widely used to help mentally ill peoples.....there are art classes and collage classes ..scrapbooking classes and creative pursuits by teachers who come into the psych wards to do classes.... And all of those people taking these classes went through a psychiatric evaluation by a professional before they took these art classes. They're not there because they're emotionally whole and healthy and just want to learn a new painting technique. Edited February 22, 2018 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 As others have stated dating is lousy idea. If you try dating to solve your anger management you will only end up angrier. Don't use somebody like that. Therapy may work. A break as in a vacation may help you de-stress but that is a temporary balm not a permanent solution. Instead learn to control your temper. Consider mediation & yoga. learn about mindfulness. Seek solace in God / religion if you are a believer. Link to post Share on other sites
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