Bobbyb82 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 Ok ladies...what is the acceptable time frame that you expect to hear from a man after a date? If you guys had a great time on the date, but he waited almost 48 hours to text you afterwards...what would you think? It’s 2nd/3rd date, semi long distance situation. 3 hour drive.
Maggie4 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 The same night as I get home, or the next morning. If he doesn't text until 48 hours later, I'd interpret that as low interest. I don't pursue men with low interest in me because I'd be miserable. Even if he asks for another date, because of the low interest I'll know he just has nothing better to do or looking for sex. So another date may not happen. If a man purposely plays a waiting game, his aim was to send a message that he's not that interested. So I am not wrong to interpret it as such, and my reaction is the same because the message is the same (unless he lost his phone or something). Possibly some women will chase a man who's a challenge, while others like me will simply move on to a new guy who is more interested. 4
SevenCity Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 My overwhelming experience has been when a woman was interested she reached out to me first. It’s rare that I text one who hasn’t reached out to me and end up getting a second date. I’m not into chasing women, as the above poster stated I will move on to women who are more interested. 2
Jj66 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 My overwhelming experience has been when a woman was interested she reached out to me first. It’s rare that I text one who hasn’t reached out to me and end up getting a second date. I’m not into chasing women, as the above poster stated I will move on to women who are more interested. Yep. I prefer when the woman reaches out first after a date. When she doesn't it tells me there wasn't any interest so I won't be asking for a second date if I have any other prospects that appear more interested. My personal favorite is this text I got while on my way home from a first date. Best date ever you are so sexy and cute and so yummy you drive me crazy!!! Certainly don't have to wonder whether she will say yes to a second date. And I better bring condoms.
lurker74 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 If I don't text you on my way home, I'm not interested. 3
Author Bobbyb82 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Posted February 21, 2018 The same night as I get home, or the next morning. If he doesn't text until 48 hours later, I'd interpret that as low interest. I don't pursue men with low interest in me because I'd be miserable. Even if he asks for another date, because of the low interest I'll know he just has nothing better to do or looking for sex. So another date may not happen. If a man purposely plays a waiting game, his aim was to send a message that he's not that interested. So I am not wrong to interpret it as such, and my reaction is the same because the message is the same (unless he lost his phone or something). Possibly some women will chase a man who's a challenge, while others like me will simply move on to a new guy who is more interested. That’s kind of what I’m concerned with. I feel like she could think I’m. It interested because I did this. My normal reaction would be to just let it ride..., but she’s a great girl and I’d hate to lose out because of inaction/ambiguity. What should I do to clear it up without just pushing feelings on her. I do think it’s the mans job to be vulnerable and put himself out there and make his intentions clear. Not sure I’ve done that.
Author Bobbyb82 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Posted February 21, 2018 My overwhelming experience has been when a woman was interested she reached out to me first. It’s rare that I text one who hasn’t reached out to me and end up getting a second date. I’m not into chasing women, as the above poster stated I will move on to women who are more interested. I get that, but what she’s saying is the opposite. You’d miss out on the poster above if you did that. What you’re doing is completely normal I know, but I would be willing to bet most women would not reach out first after a date early on. It’s low risk on the mans part, and puts all of the risk on her.
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 I never dated in the age of texting. But here on LS I have learned that CW states that the woman should text the guy thank you for the date within 2-3 hours of the date / getting home. The man should at least make contact again within 8-12 hours of receiving the thank you. The ask for the next date can come 48 hours later but people seem to prefer shorter time frames. People are impatient & want instant gratification. N.B. If you haven't reached out within 48 hours, the woman has concluded that you are multi-dating & that she is not the odds on favorite but rather a 2nd choice. 2
Lorenza Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 I won't be the one to write first after first few dates. Later on - no problem, but if a guy won't write himself after 1-3 dates, he won't hear from me. Sorry not sorry 48 hours is way too long. I'd expect him to reach out the very same evening after the date.
mortensorchid Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 If I have not heard from the man within 48 hours after the first get together, I will never hear from him again 90% of the time. He may do so a few days or a week later, I may even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if I say yes or no to seeing him again. However since we are living in a world with texting here is my thought on texting ... Once again the 48 hour rule. Texting however is a passive form of communication, phone calls are direct. If you LIKE the woman and DEFINITELY want to see her again, CALL HER. Texting I find after a date is passive. I have gotten texts from a man after we'd met and he said "I had a nice time last night". I would respond politely "Thanks I did as well". And ... That's it. Other times he and I would be texting for a few days with "hi how's your day going" type texts and eventually it tapers off and one doesn't respond to the other. Why? Because he's not that interested in me. Fact. And if you don't ask to see her again via text then that tells her you're not that interested. So ACT NOW. 2
CptInsano Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 If the date went really well I usually called. But I'm old-fashioned and just like to hear her voice. 3
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 I won't be the one to write first after first few dates. Later on - no problem, but if a guy won't write himself after 1-3 dates, he won't hear from me. Sorry not sorry 48 hours is way too long. I'd expect him to reach out the very same evening after the date. Different strokes & probably an age difference. If some guy reached out to me the same night as our date I'd freak & think WTF is wrong with this guy? Doesn't he have a life? Jeez let me breathe. I would totally feel absolutely smothered & be completely turned off to the point I would decline another date. The next morning, the next day, OK fine but the night of, unless there was bad weather oh hell no. 48 hours after the 2nd / 3rd date would be OK with me. Bobbyb82 You will never know unless you reach out to the lady in question. Good luck. Let us know her response. 2
Maggie4 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 That’s kind of what I’m concerned with. I feel like she could think I’m. It interested because I did this. My normal reaction would be to just let it ride..., but she’s a great girl and I’d hate to lose out because of inaction/ambiguity. What should I do to clear it up without just pushing feelings on her. I do think it’s the mans job to be vulnerable and put himself out there and make his intentions clear. Not sure I’ve done that. If you are interested, then show it by getting in touch with her. I don't see how that makes you vulnerable. In this case, she might wonder what happened during those 48 hours. Did you need time to re-evaluate her? Are you getting over an ex? Went on other dates? It smells like uncertainty. So you should just call her and say you want to see her again. And don't disappear again. The times when I have texted the guy first after an early date, it was to send a form-text thanking him, very dry, like an interview follow up, because either I've decided not to see him again (therefore needed to thank him for his time), or I've decided to just be friends. 1
smackie9 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 I'm with Lurker I would text on the way home if I was still interested. Maybe still carry on a conversation if we really hit it off.
Author Bobbyb82 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Posted February 21, 2018 I am going to call her. I sent her a text 48 hours after we hung out, and she took overnight and and after lunch the next day to respond to that. Very warm text from her, but I didn’t respond to that until 6 hours later last night. Still no response from her. She has posted an update to her snap story since, just kind of thinking that me waiting and being indecisive and not being clear with my intent with her from the start might have hurt me here. We have been casually texting for a while because of the distance, so nothing may be out of the ordinary....guess I’ll find out. My cousin told me that of course she is snapping in between your text and her response...you sat on your phone for 48 hours without texting her.
Lorenza Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 (edited) Different strokes & probably an age difference. If some guy reached out to me the same night as our date I'd freak & think WTF is wrong with this guy? Doesn't he have a life? Jeez let me breathe. I would totally feel absolutely smothered & be completely turned off to the point I would decline another date. The next morning, the next day, OK fine but the night of, unless there was bad weather oh hell no. I'd expect him to reach out and ask me if I got back home safely (a gentlemenly thing to do) and perhaps tell me he enjoyed the evening + wishes to see me again. Of course, more than that is suffocating and there's no need to pick up a conversation right after the date, but I can't see how a polite message which also expressed further interest is "having no life". Of course there's not much life sitting in the train on the way back home, how else Edited February 21, 2018 by Lorenza 1
basil67 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 I'd expect him to reach out and ask me if I got back home safely (a gentlemenly thing to do) and perhaps tell me he enjoyed the evening + wishes to see me again. Short of really bad weather conditions or a disaster, if a guy asked me if I got home safely, I'd wonder if I was giving off vibes about not being able to look after myself. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 I think it’s a generational thing There used to be a “three day rule”. Today, that will be called ghosting.Dating has gotten more complicated with textpectations
basil67 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 I think it’s a generational thing There used to be a “three day rule”. Today, that will be called ghosting.Dating has gotten more complicated with textpectations I'm 50 and have never experienced a "three day rule". Contacting each during the next couple of days would have been normal. No rule as to who would reach out first.
Lorenza Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 Short of really bad weather conditions or a disaster, if a guy asked me if I got home safely, I'd wonder if I was giving off vibes about not being able to look after myself. That's just reading too much into it. I suppose you wouldn't appreciate a man holding a door for you either since that must mean you can't open the door for yourself? Not every polite gesture is threatening to undermine your independence. If a guy wouldn't ask me if I got back home safely knowing I have a 20 min walk from the train station during the night, I'd most likely write him down to someone inconsiderate (heck, I had guys walking me back home the whole distance plus the train ride to my area and I certainly didn't feel like they're undermining my ability to take care of myself). I'm not even talking about not reaching out for 48 hours, a guy would never get an answer back from me 2
Miss Spider Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 I'm 50 and have never experienced a "three day rule". Contacting each during the next couple of days would have been normal. No rule as to who would reach out first. I have heard of it being the case long ago but maybe it was exaggerated. Couple of days, three days, it would still be considered ghosting today lol. But back in the era of the line telephone alone that was completely normal because my mom says “call him back in a couple days” and I’m just like LOL he will have think i ghosted and moved on
winny Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 If the guy paid for the date or came a really long way to see me, or did any kind of extra effort, I would drop him a note after reaching home thanking him for same. Otherwise, if it was minimal effort from him then I will wait for him to text me. 1
Author Bobbyb82 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Posted February 22, 2018 That's just reading too much into it. I suppose you wouldn't appreciate a man holding a door for you either since that must mean you can't open the door for yourself? Not every polite gesture is threatening to undermine your independence. If a guy wouldn't ask me if I got back home safely knowing I have a 20 min walk from the train station during the night, I'd most likely write him down to someone inconsiderate (heck, I had guys walking me back home the whole distance plus the train ride to my area and I certainly didn't feel like they're undermining my ability to take care of myself). I'm not even talking about not reaching out for 48 hours, a guy would never get an answer back from me Well it’s not like I just abandoned her after...I dropped her off at the door and told her I had a good time. 1
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