JellyBelly4 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 In the beggining it was fun. I know he wasn’t a very outgoing person so I warned him that I’m an outrovert and I’m not calming down. He said it’s fine & that he would experiment in new things with me. So we always were out together . Taking trips and all . Now we don’t do anything . He says it’s because he doesn’t have money but he’ll give me money to go out with my friends . So I grew bored because he likes to stay in the house all the time now & I’ve been begging him to hang out with me like old times , but he says no and just plays the game . Well on Valentine’s Day I thought he would make it up to me but I came home to nothing & He tried to make an excuse for why he did nothing & that he planned it for the weekend . But when the weekend came he literally just through stuff together & I didn’t find it cute because I shouldn’t have to be pissed off in order for things to start getting done especially sense we agreed that communication was a big thing so I ran off of my emotions and broke up with him . Was I too harsh? Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I suppose it depends on “how” you broke up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 It's perfectly acceptable to leave a relationship which isn't meeting your needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 You're a doer and he's not so either accept it about him or move on. He seems like he's accepted who you are. It's nice of him to give you money to go hang with your friends. Maybe that's your Valentine's gift in his eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Can I ask you a couple of questions?? Did you expect him to keep you entertained 24/7/365 ?? Did you ever do any "date planning" or "trip planning"?? Did you volunteer to pay for any trips or adventures?? I can respect the fact that his money was tight and he couldn't take you on some adventure, but was able to scrape together some money so you could go out and party with your friends. He tried... As guys, sometimes we try and try and try, but we don't feel appreciated for our efforts, so we shut down. We aren't human ATM machines and sometimes, we get tired of criticism and don't care as much. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I have the same questions as Happy Lemming. The fact that he gives you money to go hang out with your friends or whatever strikes me as a bit odd. What did you do for him for Valentines Day? From what you've written I get the impression that he might actually be the bored one in the relationship, and his lack of input to Valentines Day, (if he knew you'd expect something), suggests passive-aggression. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBelly4 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 Can I ask you a couple of questions?? Did you expect him to keep you entertained 24/7/365 ?? Did you ever do any "date planning" or "trip planning"?? Did you volunteer to pay for any trips or adventures?? I can respect the fact that his money was tight and he couldn't take you on some adventure, but was able to scrape together some money so you could go out and party with your friends. He tried... As guys, sometimes we try and try and try, but we don't feel appreciated for our efforts, so we shut down. We aren't human ATM machines and sometimes, we get tired of criticism and don't care as much. What I forgot to add is that I always do things for him. I plan special dates, I always have us on an adventure some where . I planned for us to go to Sybaris last years and planned out a whole little routine attempting to be sexy lol and when he was low on money I took care of him & even put together a cute thoughtful surprise for his Birthday which didn’t cost much because I was practically broke. I just thought that maybe it was my turn to have something nice done for me. So I have another question. Am I wrong for wanting the fun and thoughtful ideas in return? & to have fun with my partner instead of being sent off with my friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBelly4 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 I have the same questions as Happy Lemming. The fact that he gives you money to go hang out with your friends or whatever strikes me as a bit odd. What did you do for him for Valentines Day? From what you've written I get the impression that he might actually be the bored one in the relationship, and his lack of input to Valentines Day, (if he knew you'd expect something), suggests passive-aggression. You meant the boring one , read my last reply . Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 You meant the boring one , read my last reply . I think she meant the bored one. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Am I wrong for wanting the fun and thoughtful ideas in return? & to have fun with my partner instead of being sent off with my friends? Maybe your expectations and his budget didn't meet in the middle. Could you have fun with a local camping trip and some Spaghetti 'Os heated over a camp fire?? He gave you money to go have fun with your friends, you should be appreciative, not complaining that he sent you off. I dated a woman who liked to ski in Austria. I did not like skiing at all. So I would take her to the airport to meet up with her ski friends to fly over & enjoy herself. I would also give her some "mad money" to blow on fun stuff; she was always appreciative and always brought me a little gift home from her trip. Maybe he was trying to do something nice by giving you some money to have fun with your friends. Did you talk about your friends to him?? Maybe he thought they were very important in your life and wanted you to have the time and funds to be with them?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 There's no cure for boring. No, you weren't too harsh. He's just not your match. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBelly4 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 I think she meant the bored one. I said what I said . Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBelly4 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 Maybe your expectations and his budget didn't meet in the middle. Could you have fun with a local camping trip and some Spaghetti 'Os heated over a camp fire?? He gave you money to go have fun with your friends, you should be appreciative, not complaining that he sent you off. I dated a woman who liked to ski in Austria. I did not like skiing at all. So I would take her to the airport to meet up with her ski friends to fly over & enjoy herself. I would also give her some "mad money" to blow on fun stuff; she was always appreciative and always brought me a little gift home from her trip. Maybe he was trying to do something nice by giving you some money to have fun with your friends. Did you talk about your friends to him?? Maybe he thought they were very important in your life and wanted you to have the time and funds to be with them?? I understand what you are saying & I would appreciate it in that term, but hanging out with him is more important to me. We completely stopped doing anything together & when I would ask him to please take me on a date or something he would say he doesn’t have money or just flat out no but then when I mention going with my friends he magically has money . He even started complaining about me going out as if he wants me to stay in the house all the time . Im adventurous & I like to do stuff Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 please take me on a date or something he would say he doesn’t have money or just flat out no but then when I mention going with my friends he magically has money . Based on the new information, it sounds like he may have wanted out of the relationship, but didn't want to make the decision and forced you to make it for him. Just a "working theory", though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBelly4 Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 Based on the new information, it sounds like he may have wanted out of the relationship, but didn't want to make the decision and forced you to make it for him. Just a "working theory", though. You might be right . Link to post Share on other sites
PrincessWarrior1 Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 My ex was scum still hate him. He did that to me. Dump him and run. Don't let n e one ruin a second of your life! You'll miss out Link to post Share on other sites
Rainah Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Has he stopped going out due to possibly suffering with a bit of depression or social anxiety? Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 I said what I said . Right, but I think MsJayne said she thought he was the bored one, although you said you are the bored one. That's what her post seemed to be saying to me. Maybe she'll come back on and verify or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBelly4 Posted February 26, 2018 Author Share Posted February 26, 2018 Has he stopped going out due to possibly suffering with a bit of depression or social anxiety? I ask him that all the time. I try to get him to open up if he’s feeling down but he’s one on those people that just sweeps stuff under the rug and doesn’t talk about it unless it’s an argument. That’s when I find out if there’s anything wrong . Link to post Share on other sites
Rainah Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Have you suggested he sees a therapist or couples councerling? I understand how tough it is to communicate with someone if you have lived in the dark with not being socially confident. We believe everyone should know how we feel and just be able to read our mind. Then we hold it in for so long we blow up. Does he suffer with anything like aspergers? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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