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He said he likes me so why is he suddenly acting distant?

girlinNYC

By girlinNYC
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lily999 Established Member

lily999

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Maybe you said something makes him think you are not interested or it could be other issues, like another girl, etc

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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I'd love too but I think I'll look desperate at that point. I've reached out despite him being distant over the last few days and have got nothing in return.

 

If he's not giving you anything in return, then this has burned out for him.

 

when someone constantly makes future plans and suddenly gives the cold shoulder, the distance stands out. He started the ‘talk everyday’ trend

 

And that's not a contractual obligation...

 

The simple answer to this is "he changed his mind for whatever reason". It doesn't take any time to let you know he got the message and will get back to you shortly. He's not doing that, which means he's ok with leaving you flapping in the breeze.

 

In my life's experience, lots of people do that "think out loud about the future" with someone they've just met and once they've spent time with the person, they decide that they really aren't the person they want to be with, so they vaporize and use excuses (like being focused on schoolwork or a crazy work schedule), hoping the person is bright enough to catch a hint without them having to unzip the lizard on them.

 

Your answer is "because he's no longer interested". Doesn't matter all what he did in the past 5 weeks--how he's acting NOW is what you have to work with.

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girlinNYC Established Member

girlinNYC

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Well according to your other threads, he’s gone days without talking to you before. Some times even I do the same thing and it doesn’t mean I’m not interested. As long as he doesn’t take more than a week and your conversations are good then you have nothing to worry about.

 

 

It is. From when he last texted, give him a week. So if he last texted you on Sunday evening, if you don’t hear from him by this coming Sunday then move on. In the mean time, send him one more message. Don’t send him a link to an article but actually ask him how he’s doing. You could go with the message I posted previously. If he still doesn’t respond in our timeframe then you have your answer. Nobody’s so busy that they can’t reply to a text in a few days.

 

I’d be lying if I said I was 100% comfortable with messaging but closure is important, undeniably. I owe it to myself to know where things stand. As nervous about it as I am. Logically since nothing bad had happened and he was only super warm a few days ago I’m not sure what could have changed, only logical explaination is that he has big work or university demands. Or he is playing a game to get me to miss him. No wonder why they say communication is key.

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girlinNYC Established Member

girlinNYC

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If he's not giving you anything in return, then this has burned out for him.

 

 

 

And that's not a contractual obligation...

 

The simple answer to this is "he changed his mind for whatever reason". It doesn't take any time to let you know he got the message and will get back to you shortly. He's not doing that, which means he's ok with leaving you flapping in the breeze.

 

In my life's experience, lots of people do that "think out loud about the future" with someone they've just met and once they've spent time with the person, they decide that they really aren't the person they want to be with, so they vaporize and use excuses (like being focused on schoolwork or a crazy work schedule), hoping the person is bright enough to catch a hint without them having to unzip the lizard on them.

 

Your answer is "because he's no longer interested". Doesn't matter all what he did in the past 5 weeks--how he's acting NOW is what you have to work with.

 

I accept all of that. I just don’t understand why. It’s not as though he’s been acting distant for weeks, it’s like something happened literally overnight as I noticed the change within a few days. He was so warm over the weekend (when I last heard from him) then nothing. Hence the confusion. That’s the crux of it.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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This isn’t the same guy who said he wants *you* specifically to be his wife and mother his children after a week or talking and before you had even met, right?!

If so...run!!!

Mx12345 Established Member

Mx12345

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I’d be lying if I said I was 100% comfortable with messaging but closure is important, undeniably. I owe it to myself to know where things stand. As nervous about it as I am. Logically since nothing bad had happened and he was only super warm a few days ago I’m not sure what could have changed, only logical explaination is that he has big work or university demands. Or he is playing a game to get me to miss him. No wonder why they say communication is key.

 

That is not the only logical explanation. He flat out ignored your text with the article. No one has ever been SO busy that they haven't looked at their phone in three days. If his communication prior to this had been him replying after a few days or even the next day, it would make more sense. But prior he had been communicating regularly.

 

I know its hard because everything up till this point said he was interested. I have been in this same situation, "why do this if he wasn't interested? why do that? why introduce me to his family? why talk about future dates?" You may never know. The only thing you are in control of is how YOU respond to this situation.

 

Have you ever been super busy in life? Probably yes. Have you ever flat out ignored someone's text when you were super busy even though you were really interested in them? If the answer No, then quit making excuses for someone you went on two dates with. You are worth someone who is better at communicating...even when they are busy.

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girlinNYC Established Member

girlinNYC

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Hey girl,

I don’t understand why people are telling you not to text him. Texting twice doesn’t make you desperate. In my previous relationships, the first few months were always weird because we didn’t know how the other’s communication style was and there were many misunderstandings. You’ve posted something similar about this guy before and I think both of you are still figuring each other out.

 

 

 

You could say something like “Hey <guy’s name>. Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Are you still alive? Do I need to call your parents? :D”

 

I sent a light hearted text a few hours ago (my best friend told me to stop being stubborn and do it), just a funny twitter page I came across that I know he’d like. He replied and laughed which was fine, we conversed for about an hour.

Trying to keep my expectations minimal as there is every chance we can go days without talking again, as this may be the new norm. But main thing is I have it off my chest and know I’ve made enough effort now, I will leave the next conversations on him (if there will be any)

Maggie4 Established Member

Maggie4

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It seems strange to me that you've only had two dates in a month, and he's talking about the future after only two dates. Why all this "talking" and not actually getting together? How were those two dates spread out? Who planned those dates? Why were there not more dates if you talked so much?

FilterCoffee Established Member

FilterCoffee

Posted
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I sent a light hearted text a few hours ago (my best friend told me to stop being stubborn and do it), just a funny twitter page I came across that I know he’d like. He replied and laughed which was fine, we conversed for about an hour.

Trying to keep my expectations minimal as there is every chance we can go days without talking again, as this may be the new norm. But main thing is I have it off my chest and know I’ve made enough effort now, I will leave the next conversations on him (if there will be any)

 

I’m glad you texted him but you should have set up the next date! When are his exams going to finish? Did he mention anything about meeting you?

camillalev Established Member

camillalev

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Dont listen to what they say, pay attention to how they act.

 

If these two things don't line up, don't drive yourself crazy clinging onto their words because that's the thing you want to be true.

 

He is in his final semester of college and is also focussed on getting high marks to finish off his degree, which I feel could be a reason he is starting to keep me at arms length, again - doesn't answer my previous question of why he would say all of those things related to the future.

 

Thoughts?

 

Also, don't try to fabricate a story in your mind in which his contradictory actions make sense. Whatever hes saying to you could very well be BS to keep you in his orbit. His actions are where the real story is. And they're saying you're not a priority to him at all.

 

my best friend also thinks I should message too to reassure him I'm interested, but I thought messaging him first occasionally and sending him funny things would be assurance enough.

 

He should have been doing this with you, considering he flat out ignored you for days and youve been the one re-initiating contact :rolleyes:

 

When someone is interested, especially men, there is no guesswork. Every person I know in a healthy LTR or marriage has said this. If they're busy, they apologize for being busy and try to make it up to you etc.

 

Also, it's possible he's seeing someone else and he's keeping you in his back pocket as a backup.

Edited by camillalev
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