kendahke Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 This is what I was afraid of. At this point, I am starting to feel like the horse has been dead for a while now. But then, why is he not just saying so? Why pretend to still care, and call me clingy and insecure when I bring up the change in him, and say I am imagining things? that is how he's managing your expectations--and it's probably how he manages the expectations of all of his FWB's. 1
kendahke Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 If you ignore him, he may chase you, but you have to continue running away, or else he'll stop and go back to his ways. So you gotta ask yourself, what do you then have when you need to keep ignoring him to keep him interested. Not only that, but OP, are you prepared to become this person who has to play these games and get slapped down whenever you articulate anything that sounds like you being a girlfriend for the entire time you're dealing with him?
kendahke Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 when you continue to invest, you want to see it pay off. It's actually the hardest way psychologically to "break away from someone". Louder for those in the back! . 1
Grapesofwrath Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 Totally understand that you are not looking for marriage, cohabitation, or a serious commitment. It is reasonable, however, for you to expect respect and consideration. It doesn't sound like you are getting that. When you attempt to talk about your feelings, he shifts the blame onto you and says you are insecure/needy/jealous, etc. This is not a caring behavior. It doesn't sound like you are getting YOUR needs met in the relationship. He has successfully managed to train you to expect only minimal effort on his part. Is that acceptable to you? You sound like you are pretty low maintenance. But low maintenance is not NO maintenance. You deserve to be treated in a way that is thoughtful and considerate of YOUR needs and YOUR feelings.
Versacehottie Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 Louder for those in the back! . LOL soooooo true!! It's a basic law of human nature: anything we put effort and time into we want to have a good payoff. So when logically you have already discovered OP that the payoff is NO GOOD, then it's time to stop investing. The most likely thing to happen if you continue to invest with bad results, is that your brain will try to keep trying, especially if you've broken up and gotten back together more than once, because it becomes about YOU and your ego, your decisions, not just that guy and this bad relationship. I don't know what it is called but it is another psychological phenomena. 2
smackie9 Posted February 21, 2018 Posted February 21, 2018 (edited) This guy is just keeping you at arms length because he has no interest in putting in effort. Just because you like him is no reason to desperately hang onto him. Lets face it, you two want different things, that's why it isn't working. Why does he keep coming back? well it's not because he is totally into you.....you are his fair-weather GF Edited February 21, 2018 by smackie9 1
Recommended Posts