carhill Posted February 20, 2018 Posted February 20, 2018 OP, had to chuckle a bit because a good male friend is not only Italian but New York Italian and he can be quite a pistol when trying to boss around his Greek wife, also a NYC'er. I just sit back, pop some popcorn and watch them go at it. He's forever telling his wife (he's 70 and she's 64) what to do and how to dress and whatever and has been for decades. You'd think they'd be squaring up for a gunfight but nah it's just how they communicate. Works out great and they love each other very much. It was a shock to me at first though. Whoa. This guy might not be the right guy for you but I wanted to share a story that did work out for life.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 20, 2018 Posted February 20, 2018 Leave now! He is controlling and will prob be abusive as time goes on. When controlling/abusive person 1st meets you, they want to draw you in. I met a guy like that who I dated for a month, he became crazy controlling, the what I thought was the loving concerned guy was a jealous creep. You deserve WAY better then that.
GreenTea937 Posted February 20, 2018 Posted February 20, 2018 Run dont walk. Leave immediately. He is a controlling manipulative abuser. You deserve so much better than that!!
Popsicle Posted February 20, 2018 Posted February 20, 2018 He sounds like my exH. It’s not controlling it’s that he has a stick up his butt to an unhealthy extreme and is no fun. You need a healthy balance of fun vs responsible.
Els Posted February 20, 2018 Posted February 20, 2018 At the very best, he sounds extremely neurotic, entitled, and frankly stupid. I'd bail.
lurker74 Posted February 20, 2018 Posted February 20, 2018 I know you're absolutely right. I've always had the same thoughts about people putting up with stuff too. Ordinarily if a guy spoke to me like that I'd put a stop to it right away. I guess it was the sudden transformation from nice doting bf to someone who suddenly has an issue with everything. A woman dies and goes up to meet St. Peter. "Well, hello dear, how are you," he asks. "Scared...I don't know if I get to go to heaven or hell." "Well," he replies. "The thing is that you get to decide. We'll send you with a guide from each and he'll give you the tour and you get to decide...where would you like to start?" "I guess heaven then." There's a flash and a nice enough looking man comes out in a white suit and gives her the tour. He barely talks, responding in single words and shows here heaven. It seems nice enough...there's housing and parks and whatnot. Seems pleasant enough. Eventually, she get back to the gates and asks St. Peter for the second tour. There's another flash and a handsome, tall, and dark man comes out. he looks like a combination of Jason Momoa and Bradley Cooper. "Hello, madam. Let me show you how the other half lives." He takes her by the arm and they tour hell. They get to see a live show of Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Curt Cobain, and Jimi Hendrix. They hit a bunch of great restaurants. He spends all night dancing with her and says, near the end of the night, that though he's done countless tours like this, he'd never felt the connection he feels with her. As their time comes to a close, he can't help but slowing lean in and they have the sweetest yet most passionate kiss she's ever had. When she goes back to St. Peter he asks for her decision. She surprises herself by saying hell. There's a flash and the dark man comes out again, only now he us unkempt and wearing sweats. He grabs her by the hand and drags her down to hell where he locks her into the kitchen and slaps her ass every time he walks by to get a beer. Turns out he's sleeping with all kinds of women while she slaves away. Finally, she asks, "What happened? You were the most sweet, sexy, and respectful man when you gave me the tour?" "Oh," he responds. "That was when we were dating. Now we're in a relationship." Moral of the story: don't get sucked into a life of hell. 2
2much4 Posted February 20, 2018 Posted February 20, 2018 I'm English but he is Italian. I'm trying to figure if that has something to do with it. This is the first time I've dated outside of my culture but I know the role of women is different. His Mother runs around after him as if he is a small child and not a 30 something man... Lol no. Italian women tend to dress very feminine. This has nothing to do with culture.
fred123 Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 i had an experi3nce with a girl my ex who was abusive. she would say things how i was stupid and thats why she wouldnt let me meet her people in her life. she would call me pressuring for trying to organise plans once a week. she would rationalise it was ok her boss slapped her on the bum and was ok for her to stare at hot guys in front of me " as they are good eye candy and i can do it too" thanx to donnivan and gaeta im out and would never be in this type of relationship again.
anika99 Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 Yes he is controlling and if you read between the lines he has also revealed that he is terribly insecure and jealous. For example he lectured for getting tipsy with friends and another time he complained that you smelled of spicy food after cooking dinner with your friends. I think that what he was really irked about on those occasions was that you had enjoyed yourself with friends. Same with his complaints about how you wear your makeup and dress. He found your style attractive enough to ask you out and continue to date you for months so why is he complaining about how you look now? Because he doesn't want other people to be attracted to you. Also he doesn't want you to feel attractive. His comments are meant to take you down a peg or two so that you feel inept and incapable of making good decisions. He wants to get you to a place where you will eventually feel lucky that he even puts up with you, where you will be convinced that nobody but him could possibly love a loser like you. Of course he isn't plotting this out like some sort of diabolical maniac, he probably isn't even fully aware of his agenda. He just knows that he feels threatened and insecure and he reacts to those feelings by trying to make you feel worse than he does. You are standing at the top of a very slippery slope. If you don't back away there is a real danger that you will fall all the way down and it's a long hard climb to get back. Just save yourself now.
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 22, 2018 Posted February 22, 2018 I know you're completely right. It was just strange the sudden change from super nice guy that I was introducing to my friends and making future plans with, to someone who criticises everything. I know that people are on their best behaviour in the early stages. Just a shame the way he's turned out I guess. It's only going to get worse. And with some people like this it can escalate into physical abuse. Also, the more you put up with his behavior the more he disrespects you because you put up with it, therefore he begins to despise you for not standing up for yourself and heaps more abuse on you. It's a vicious cycle. It sounds to me as if you are the type of lady many men would love to have as a partner! You dress attractively, are attentive to your make up, you cook delicious food! You sound very lovely in the way you wrote your post! This type of person you can't win with and he will bring you down more and more. He has shown his true colors! The first weeks, months, whatever, were a facade as it seems to me you've already figured out. The sooner you get away from him the better!
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