rec91 Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 *SORRY LONG POST!* Hello! I have a situation where there's a girl I like. she's about 25 years old, I'm a year older. She has recently split up with a long time boyfriend and has moved to an appartment with her kid (they both have 50% custody I belive) The breakup they had happened very quick and sudden and took everyone by surprise. But they both said it had been festering a long long time. Anyways. I've known her for maybe 10 years or so. We've not been close friends through the years, we lost lot of contact last 5 years but past 6 months we've been talking more, but we have very good chemistry and I've ALWAYS had the feeling she's been into me. Always at parties she would touch me, sometimes feel me up. And she's always been flirty and stuff. a few weeks ago I helped her with something and she said she would repay by making me dinner one day! She was also very flirty and I felt she was leading me on. Then we've been chatting and snapping back and forth a lot that week and I asked her when I could come over to visit her. She had to check her schedule because of the kid, but she never got back to me. She also gradually lost "interest" in the way we spoke and communicated on snaps/chats. I waited about a week and asked again (this thursday) and she said: Oh, how bout you come over today (thursday) or tomorrow (friday). I couldn't go on thursday so I said I'd come over on friday. Late at night on thursday I got text from her that she just remembered she "had a appointment" after work and had to cancel and we could do something next week instead. I just said OK, then you get back to me. And then she quickly said I could come over on monday. But still I find it a bit suspicious because I know sometimes she's doing some activity on monday nights. Idunno how to read her. I know she's a bit of a "player" and likes to almost play little bit games with guys. Maybe she's just filling her ego? I actually don't really want to be in relationship with her, but a FWB could be fun! But maybe she's into someone else and I just come off as "desperate" when trying to hit on her? I also have to add that she's always laughing at my stories, getting close and do a bit of touching. How would you guys read this situation? I'll go and eat an awesome steak dinner I made now and read comments while I eat!
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 She just ended a relationship and like most people feel a little deflated...of course she's lapping up the attention from you....I think she just realized she may have gone too far and senses you are being romantically interested so she put the brakes on, dodging hanging out with you again. From before, she was touching you and crap because she wanted attention, not interested in anything more. Yes it's games. How would I react? I would back off. It is what it is. 1
Author rec91 Posted February 16, 2018 Author Posted February 16, 2018 She just ended a relationship and like most people feel a little deflated...of course she's lapping up the attention from you....I think she just realized she may have gone too far and senses you are being romantically interested so she put the brakes on, dodging hanging out with you again. From before, she was touching you and crap because she wanted attention, not interested in anything more. Yes it's games. How would I react? I would back off. It is what it is. Yeah I've been thinking the same thought myself, But still yesterday when she asked me to come over she sent picture of herself in her bra (just showing cleavage kind of picture) Buut of course you may be 100% right and I've had that feeling myself. Still I'm thinking about going out to her on monday to feel out the situation
basil67 Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Yeah I've been thinking the same thought myself, But still yesterday when she asked me to come over she sent picture of herself in her bra (just showing cleavage kind of picture) Honestly, I think you should react to images like this in the way it's expected. "HOT pic. If you're trying to turn me on, it's working. Hope you're wearing only that when I arrive" If you're lucky, she will do exactly that. But if she says "Oh, no that's not what I want" then reply with "well why are you being such a tease with the photos? It's not cool" Don't dance around the edges of this trying to figure out what she wants. Be strong and direct - even if you end up putting her in her place. All that said, what are the logistics of having her child minded while she's shagging you? Bringing casual hookups home isn't cool. And neither is taking the child to the home of a hookup. Paid childminding is expensive and volunteered childcare is really precious and she probably won't waste it on a fling. 4
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 I think she wants an ego boost. Sounds like behavior consistent with someone who keeps orbiters so when their relationship tanks they still have plenty to turn to. Especially with sexy photos. You have nothing to lose by taking the bait. Compliment her pic and time will tell if she’s really up for up more. If she flakes again on Monday give up on trying to FwB her but you might be able to get more sexy pics if your text game is strong and you compliment her boobie/booty shots.
Author rec91 Posted February 17, 2018 Author Posted February 17, 2018 Yeah I guess.. It's almost impossible to read this girl.. maybe the best thing is just to play cool when I get over to her and try and see what mood she's in. Either she's interested or not. Worst thing is she says no. Personally I'm also starting a bit to lose interest in her as well now.. I think it's really stupid that we can't just say what we think.. but oh well, that's how the world is :bunny:
Author rec91 Posted February 18, 2018 Author Posted February 18, 2018 Ait I just understood that she may be a cunt. I met her at the town drinking now with a few friends. We were flirting like hell all night. Like she was all over me inside the club. I tried kissing her. ( I got a kiss one time) but when standing outside the bar I tried once more (still there was a few friends there) And she just kept a light tone eing like: ("no a can't I got this "secret") (probably meaning she's dating or doing someone else) This guy drove us home and I text her in the car asking: Ait, are we gonna have a after party me and you? She said: Oh, but then i cant get home. I said well we can go to your place, I have a guy who can drive me home after. She said oh well I had a long week. Well, we can do it next time, you can come over on monday as we said. I think I just don't bother trying to do anything. I think I'll just say I can't make it on monday. People like this don't deserve any of my time. Talk about playing with peoples feelings..
Chella92 Posted February 18, 2018 Posted February 18, 2018 I had a similar scenario in highschool. Randomly added some girl on fb cuz we had a ton of mutual friends. She messaged me because of how many. Turns out some girl I’m really close with is like her best friend. My friend talks me up, we start hooking up. She came out of her only relationship and only other guy she’s slept with before me. As I started showing real interest she in a sense dumped me and went back to her bf. Fast forward to today (8 years later) they’re married..... There is baggage with this girl. Do you really want that? I’m a victim of thinking short term and come to sites like this for the outsider perspective to set me straight. I’m here to do my duty of asking you again.... do you really want this at 26?
Author rec91 Posted February 18, 2018 Author Posted February 18, 2018 I had a similar scenario in highschool. Randomly added some girl on fb cuz we had a ton of mutual friends. She messaged me because of how many. Turns out some girl I’m really close with is like her best friend. My friend talks me up, we start hooking up. She came out of her only relationship and only other guy she’s slept with before me. As I started showing real interest she in a sense dumped me and went back to her bf. Fast forward to today (8 years later) they’re married..... There is baggage with this girl. Do you really want that? I’m a victim of thinking short term and come to sites like this for the outsider perspective to set me straight. I’m here to do my duty of asking you again.... do you really want this at 26? Idunno.. This is strange situation because we've had a flirting relationship for so long and seriously this night she showed so much interest that I've never had so much attention before from anyone.. I talked to a friend of mine who was a the town with us and he was furious that she acted like this. Many people were sure we were a couple tonight. I dunno. I'll see if she will cancel on monday. But I think it's so bad to disresepct someone like she did tonight
Chella92 Posted February 18, 2018 Posted February 18, 2018 I also just caught your lookin for a fwb. Little different, but still she’s playing with your head clearly. It is disrespectful. You have 2 options, deal with it or move on. See what happens Monday. I’ve been blown off like this recently and was all pissed, turns out the reason was legit and I felt like a complete *******.
Flame Aura Posted February 18, 2018 Posted February 18, 2018 Ait I just understood that she may be a cunt. I met her at the town drinking now with a few friends. We were flirting like hell all night. Like she was all over me inside the club. I tried kissing her. ( I got a kiss one time) but when standing outside the bar I tried once more (still there was a few friends there) And she just kept a light tone eing like: ("no a can't I got this "secret") (probably meaning she's dating or doing someone else) This guy drove us home and I text her in the car asking: Ait, are we gonna have a after party me and you? She said: Oh, but then i cant get home. I said well we can go to your place, I have a guy who can drive me home after. She said oh well I had a long week. Well, we can do it next time, you can come over on monday as we said. I think I just don't bother trying to do anything. I think I'll just say I can't make it on monday. People like this don't deserve any of my time. Talk about playing with peoples feelings.. Maybe I am missing something? But I think you are way overreacting. Just because you expected to go back to hers after flirting all night doesnt mean it has to happen. She has a kid, who is her priority in life. What if he was at home waiting for her? Shes already shown you her interest. Shes told you to come over on Monday, twice. And now you want to play games and cancel just to get back at her? Grow up. You are sounding so desperate. Take a step back and chill.
Author rec91 Posted February 18, 2018 Author Posted February 18, 2018 Maybe I am missing something? But I think you are way overreacting. Just because you expected to go back to hers after flirting all night doesnt mean it has to happen. She has a kid, who is her priority in life. What if he was at home waiting for her? Shes already shown you her interest. Shes told you to come over on Monday, twice. And now you want to play games and cancel just to get back at her? Grow up. You are sounding so desperate. Take a step back and chill. Well I was a bit angry and drunk when I wrote this.. But she did not have the kid this weekend and she have her own appartment.. What made me hurt was that I realised in the car that the guy driving her home is a guy she's into and he 99% for sure went home with her.. That's why I got so angry that she was toying with me all night.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 18, 2018 Posted February 18, 2018 OP, be honest with yourself: you want more than FWB with her. But it doesn't appear as though she wants the same from you. Don't bother.
Author rec91 Posted February 19, 2018 Author Posted February 19, 2018 Yeah maybe I do actually.. anyways she just canceled on me again. So thats that. Out of respect for myself (and her) I will never again hit on her again even how much interest she will show in the future. Turns out shes into someone else and just used me as egoboost or something. Good that there are other fish in the sea. Looking forward to hitting the pubs this weekend with some good friends. This aint worth getting anymore headache over. Thanks for all your insights everyone. Much appriciated!
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