Upcoming encounter with ex gf (concert I booked for her before the split) 3 months NC

[tfac22]

Quick background: She’s 22, I’m 28. Together for 7 months. Broke up 3 months ago. I’m emotionally neutral and she’s insecure. I did so many things to ease her insecurity and I’ve told her how great (etc.) she is, but that’s being a pleaser and putting her on a pedestal and she lost interest. I booked her favorite band for a concert soon (as a gift while we were together) and it might get awkward… Details below.

 

I follow my purpose and passion in life by playing and teaching music. She was attracted to me for following my heart, but definitely got jealous at the attention it was getting me. All other aspects of the relationship were fine. I’m an easy-going guy and I never complained about much, so I didn’t really challenge her emotionally I guess. She has trust issues from an ex who cheated on her, though we never talked that through too much (she didn't want to and I didn't want to pry). So she felt like she wasn’t a priority and asked me why I wouldn’t pursue other girls that she thought might be better than her. I spent our whole relationship showing her that SHE was the one I wanted. Then once she knew, she didn’t want me. Go figure.

 

Two months before the split she had a lot of big things happen to her. She moved, her cat died, changed birth control, and started her elementary teaching job for the first time. That’s a lot for a 22 y/o girl transitioning from college. She admitted that she didn’t think we would last during this period, but we talked and I boosted her confidence that we could certainly alter our relationship temporarily to help her get through this stressful time. We altered the relationship, but she definitely changed and became more distant. I also lost my masculine center during this time while I was trying to be there for her and be supportive. As a result, she said she saw me more as a friend…

 

NOW, I have an upcoming awkward situation next week. About 3 weeks before our breakup 3 months ago, I had pulled some strings and surprised her by booking her favorite band at our local venue (I have connections lol). It was confirmed, so there’s no backing out. She had been really looking forward to it, then we broke up shortly after. We’ve both been in no contact and the show is coming up next week. I’m not sure if she’ll be there or not, but I’m just looking for advice on how to handle the situation. If she doesn’t come to HER show? If she shows up and avoids me in the small venue? If she shows up with another guy? If she shows up and is friendly, but not interested in me still? For the record, I would be interested in trying again because I have grown and been improving my weaknesses, but only if she is doing the same.

Looking for advice or stories of similar situations. Much love. Thanks.

[tfac22]

I actually ran into her at a concert at a bigger venue a month ago and just said "Hi, how are you?" Chatted for like 2 seconds, then said "have a good show" and walked away. We caught eyes a couple more times during the night. She really seemed like she was struggling to see me for the first time after the split. This show coming up is a much smaller venue though...

[ExpatInItaly]

Why exactly did you break up? I take it that she ended it, but what was her reasoning?

 

I think if she doesn't show up, then you can just enjoy the show and not stress. This would be ideal, actually.

 

If she does, and chats with you, be civil and polite. It might be a quick catch-up and she goes on her way. If so, let that happen.

 

If she seems interested in talking, by all means, see where the conversation goes. Just don't bring up any relationship talk and don't place expectations on it.

 

If she sees you and avoids you, nothing you really do but not make it more awkward by seeking out her attention or something.

 

If she comes with a date, well, a polite nod in her direction would suffice if you happen to glace in each other's direction..or a quick "hello" if you actually cross paths. That's it.

 

As for this business about losing your masculine centre: as a woman, I can assure you that your support and positive reinforcement would not be a negative if the woman is really into you.

[CantTakeMySmile]

Don't plan it and let it happen organically.

[usa1ah]

Just be yourself. Not much more you can do.

 

Read No More Mr Nice Guy. It will help. A lot of girls get turned off by guys not acting like a guy.

[HumanMachine]

I highly doubt she will turn up.

[tfac22]

Thanks for the advice everyone!