Why does he want to work at the same company as me?

[Balppeau]

I’m going through a very difficult point. I recently accepted a job within the travel field which has been my dream for years. They sent me on a trip overseas and I honestly truly think I found the company I want to stay at for the rest of my career. Problem is, after a few months working here my boyfriend wanted to apply too. He usually works in finance but has been bartending while he’s searching for a new job (he’s been searching for about a year now). When he approached me about it I told him I felt uncomfortable and didn’t feel okay working at the same company as my boyfriend. He was understanding and cancelled the interview. A few days later he told me he changed his mind and needed to go in otherwise he would resent me. For weeks after we constantly brought it up and he pushed it on me even after I begged and pleaded stating that I felt so uncomfortable and not okay with it, but I would help him in any way I can get a job at another travel agency if that was his passion. Nothing changed his mind. Flash forward a few fights, and me starting to feel scared and worried about his intentions until he came into my company for the interview. I tried to cool down the situation by letting my HR department know about the conflict of interest but the next day he called me, broke up with me and my heart broke.

 

Today, my company told me that he was being considered, but his employment with them fell mostly in my hands. I still love this man to death, and I’m almost certain he’s not willing to continue to work this out, so if he joins he will join as my ex-boyfriend, but I don’t know what to do. Am I crazy for being uncomfortable by this whole situation? I need an unbiased opinion.

 

(If it helps this is somewhat out of character for him. I’ve never seen him behave this way before)

[CC12]

Why do you not want him to work at your company?

[SpecialJ]

He's been effectively unemployed (in regards to a career job) for a year even after actively searching? Many men take this really badly and let it impact their ego, self confidence, and well being. Sounds to me like he saw you were happy there so assumed it is a good company plus he actually got an interview somewhere and was excited about the prospect of a career job again.

 

That doesn't mean you're wrong to feel uncomfortable, depending on the size of the place and amount of security you felt in your relationship. Was this really the only problem or was it the last straw? If you had other issues and you'd have to see him at work, then yes, that can become a lot of pressure on the relationship. But if you didn't communicate your concerns, and he didn't explain why he wanted THAT job, then that may have led to the fighting. Though from what you wrote, he also sounded like he was steam rolling you and ignoring your needs if you did directly and repeatedly communicate them. But if that's out of character, he may just feel that desperate and low about himself.

 

If he's going to be anywhere near your department, it will be better for your well being and avoiding potential future conflicts (team meetings? One of you is up for a promotion the other somehow has something to do with?) to not work with your ex. It's just messy.

 

How earnestly has he been searching for jobs? Does he have any other leads?

Edited February 16, 2018 by SpecialJ

[gelite3]

You did not indicate why you don't want him to work at the same company, so it is really hard to understand. It seems like you would be happy that he may have a possible job, after being off work for such a long time. It is too bad that this disagreement led to a break up, and you were not able to work out your differences. Do you think that he was not feeling supported by you? Now that you are not together, I pray that you don't interfere with his ability to be hired for this job. I hope that if he is hired that you will be able to work together if the job requirements require that.

[basil67]

He wants to work at the same company as you because he's looking for work and your job sounds so fabulous.

[preraph]

I think he wants to know what you're doing 24/7. It's not even his field, and I mean, there's a billion other places to apply for work, so why would he choose your place? I had to say no to someone about that too. He got over it.

 

If it's not that he wants to know what you're doing 24/7, then it is either because he thinks it sounds easy and profitable OR because he was counting on you to get him a job through your recommendation. But you offered to help some other way, so that wasn't really fair. I mean, is he capable of getting a job on his own and holding onto it, or does he have problems keeping jobs? Have to look at the big picture. He's in finance but he's bartending, so guessing he's not that great at keeping a job. This would have been very awkward for you, no matter what his reason, because if you recommend him, then you're in the middle if he underperforms and it will reflect on you. And if he does great and gets promoted over you, what then? It's a bad idea. If he can't see that, he's not been immersed in many professional environments.

Edited February 17, 2018 by preraph

[GemmaUK]

Does he or has he begun to want to know every detail of your daily life?

 

I'm with Peraph that I think he wants to basically keep an eye on you and he thinks you're up to something.

Unable to do that he has ended it with you but he already said he would resent you if he didn't go for the interview so I think he is trying to guilt trip you.

He will be back

 

You didn't mention why you didn't want him working at your company but I think maybe you felt like he was doing it to try and spy on you. It's perfectly normal though to want to have areas of your life of your own and it doesn't mean you are 'up to' anything at all.