mistycord Posted February 15, 2018 Posted February 15, 2018 Okay so last night I went on a Valentine's Day date with a guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks. We went out to dinner and everything was going great. I suggested going back to my place to watch a movie since there was nothing really good playing at the venue we were at. We go back to my place, put on a movie and everything was great. We were making out a lot in between and then suddenly he sits up and says he doesn't feel right. I was confused and asked him what he mean't and he said just felt things were off between us in the moment. We talked about it a little more and I asked if he still wanted to see me and he said yes but that he felt it was better to call it a night and talk tomorrow so we said our goodbyes and he went home. I'm just kind of confused since things were going well the whole night. Maybe it was because it was clear we weren't going to have sex but I told him that already before the night began and he said he was okay with it? Any insights?
PrincessPeach Posted February 15, 2018 Posted February 15, 2018 It could be a number of things really and it's probably not as big of a deal as you think it might be. You could just carry on as normal unless he brings it up while trying not to dwell on it or what it might mean, which is what I would try to do. However... If you had already mentioned not having sex that night (and I'm not sure exactly how that conversation might have went or been agreed upon) then he may have felt as if he might want to go further than you two had agreed upon and left because it was becoming uncomfortable for him. He might not have said so as to not try to appear to be pressuring you or something like that. Personally, I never tell a guy that I will or won't have sex with him (or anything like that such as never having sex on a first date, or not until the third date, etc.). I never know when I might change my mind or how I will feel about it until the moment is closer, and I don't want to set any ideas in his head that he thinks for sure it is or isn't happening. It's more exciting for me and I also don't feel as much pressure one way or the other. If in the moment I don't want to have sex when he is going for it, I tell him so and if he isn't okay with that, then that's a huge red flag, and if he is okay with it, then I know a bit better about how he feels about me. Anyway... I'm going to stop rambling now.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 When I was in college I dated a guy who could barely make out for 5 minutes without having to go change his pants and then he'd want to stop. I was extremely naive and had a lot of trouble understanding it at the time, but as I got older and learned more about sex, I realized he was ejaculating, and not on purpose. 4
Happy Lemming Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Similar to "CautiouslyOptimistic"... Maybe he got an erection while kissing you and was embarrassed?? 1
Author mistycord Posted February 16, 2018 Author Posted February 16, 2018 It could be a number of things really and it's probably not as big of a deal as you think it might be. You could just carry on as normal unless he brings it up while trying not to dwell on it or what it might mean, which is what I would try to do. However... If you had already mentioned not having sex that night (and I'm not sure exactly how that conversation might have went or been agreed upon) then he may have felt as if he might want to go further than you two had agreed upon and left because it was becoming uncomfortable for him. He might not have said so as to not try to appear to be pressuring you or something like that. Personally, I never tell a guy that I will or won't have sex with him (or anything like that such as never having sex on a first date, or not until the third date, etc.). I never know when I might change my mind or how I will feel about it until the moment is closer, and I don't want to set any ideas in his head that he thinks for sure it is or isn't happening. It's more exciting for me and I also don't feel as much pressure one way or the other. If in the moment I don't want to have sex when he is going for it, I tell him so and if he isn't okay with that, then that's a huge red flag, and if he is okay with it, then I know a bit better about how he feels about me. Anyway... I'm going to stop rambling now. He hasn't texted me today. Should I be worried?
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 He just said the vibe changed? He wouldn’t explain how?
newyorker11356 Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 He hasn't texted me today. Should I be worried? I wouldn't be worried just yet.
Author mistycord Posted February 16, 2018 Author Posted February 16, 2018 He just said the vibe changed? He wouldn’t explain how? He said he felt the energy coming off me wasn't good.
Author mistycord Posted February 16, 2018 Author Posted February 16, 2018 Now I'm debating if I should wait for him to text me or just text him myself.
newyorker11356 Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Now I'm debating if I should wait for him to text me or just text him myself. I'd say just shoot him a text tomorrow morning/afternoon, especially since you didn't hear from him at all today.
Happy Lemming Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Now I'm debating if I should wait for him to text me or just text him myself. How about you call him and actually talk to him. Hear his voice, analyze what he says and how he says it. Ask him to elaborate about this negative energy coming off of you... Texting gives a person time to think up a good BS story, talking on the phone doesn't give that luxury. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 He said he felt the energy coming off me wasn't good. Maybe you were giving off a vibe that you were repulsed by the whole thing?
Author mistycord Posted February 16, 2018 Author Posted February 16, 2018 Update: He messaged me and ended things and said he just wasn't feeling it anymore and that he can't see how we can move past this. In hindsight, I feel like inviting him to my house so early on wasn't a good idea and maybe threw things off but what can you do.
olivetree Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Update: He messaged me and ended things and said he just wasn't feeling it anymore and that he can't see how we can move past this. In hindsight, I feel like inviting him to my house so early on wasn't a good idea and maybe threw things off but what can you do. This is what I expected would be coming and him saying your vibes were off was him project his own feelings onto you. Sorry He felt like he was forcing things the other night. I was really surprised some people said it was probably nothing.
newyorker11356 Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Update: He messaged me and ended things and said he just wasn't feeling it anymore and that he can't see how we can move past this. In hindsight, I feel like inviting him to my house so early on wasn't a good idea and maybe threw things off but what can you do. For what it's worth, I don't think that made a difference. If he liked you, it wouldn't have really mattered when you invited him over. This is what I expected would be coming and him saying your vibes were off was him project his own feelings onto you. Sorry He felt like he was forcing things the other night. I was really surprised some people said it was probably nothing. My opinion was more of the fact that some people do go a day or so without contact, it's normal. Although granted, it should have been a bit of a red flag after that sort of situations happened with the OP that night.
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Sorry. That’s a weird way to say he’s not feeling it. I don’t even know what negative energy means. Sounds new agey. 2
newyorker11356 Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Sorry. That’s a weird way to say he’s not feeling it. I don’t even know what negative energy means. Sounds new agey. I'm a millennial and have never heard of negative energy, lol. That was probably just his way of saying that he didn't feel it with the OP. 1
Author mistycord Posted February 16, 2018 Author Posted February 16, 2018 For what it's worth, I don't think that made a difference. If he liked you, it wouldn't have really mattered when you invited him over. My opinion was more of the fact that some people do go a day or so without contact, it's normal. Although granted, it should have been a bit of a red flag after that sort of situations happened with the OP that night. Yeah I was telling my friend that he said that me inviting him over probably wasn't a good idea but if me inviting you over is enough to change how you view me, your feelings for me were fickle to begin with. I'm just so confused cause just a couple days ago he was telling me how much he liked me and how he felt we had a great connection. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 Yeah I was telling my friend that he said that me inviting him over probably wasn't a good idea but if me inviting you over is enough to change how you view me, your feelings for me were fickle to begin with. I'm just so confused cause just a couple days ago he was telling me how much he liked me and how he felt we had a great connection. Was this the first time the two of you had been physical?
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 I doubt it was because you invited him over. There's something there that isn't connecting for him and he may not even know what it is so don't waste your time trying to figure it out. Maybe negative energy was the only way he knew to express that he needed to stop. I know it's hard not to wonder, though. Most of us would be wondering what happened from your perspective. From an outside perspective, though, it just wasn't going to happen and he realized it at that moment and said something. In your place I'd just move on and be glad you didn't offer to have sex. There's someone else who is Mr. Right for you.
olivetree Posted February 17, 2018 Posted February 17, 2018 Sorry. That’s a weird way to say he’s not feeling it. I don’t even know what negative energy means. Sounds new agey. A friend went on a few dates with a very spiritual guy, and he cancelled their next date saying that his intuition was driving him away from her. 1
Author mistycord Posted February 19, 2018 Author Posted February 19, 2018 Was this the first time the two of you had been physical? No we had already hooked up once before.
Highndry Posted February 19, 2018 Posted February 19, 2018 No we had already hooked up once before. Did you have sex with him before or just kiss him? Regardless, he just wasn't feeling it. Better now than later.
ChatroomHero Posted February 19, 2018 Posted February 19, 2018 When I was in college I dated a guy who could barely make out for 5 minutes without having to go change his pants and then he'd want to stop. I was extremely naive and had a lot of trouble understanding it at the time, but as I got older and learned more about sex, I realized he was ejaculating, and not on purpose. This right here. There was something up he was embarrassed about and he needed a fast exit. I'd bet money this was his issue. And for CautiouslyOptimistic, bravo. lol.
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