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Can anyone guarantee that doing NC will take away all my current questions /thoughts?

smile95

By smile95
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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smile95 Established Member

smile95

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ok so if I am friends with the ex, it will only be mroe painful. I know this.

 

Isn't is silly tho when I love someone I cannot be with them and cannot be friends either?

 

Am I grasping on to something just trying to keep hope alive? By pondering friends? I can answer that.....yes

 

Can anyone guarantee that doing NC will take away all my current questions and thoughts and soon I will not even give it much thought? RIght now that seems so far out of reach.....

 

I am trying to list the pros and cons of having him in my life as a friend

 

The pros are that at least he would be part of my life still since I will always love him.

 

THe cons are......I will always expect a call and get mad or jealous when he does not call back....I will go nuts wondering what he is doing....I will get mad that he could not make time for me and I find out that maybe he went out or made time for his guy friends....this will all tear me up.

 

I guess the pro does not really outweigh the cons?

 

I think I just want to be loved..............I want the fairy tale man I made up.........

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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seems to me that he has no pros and has pages on cons...

 

NC doesn't take away the questions it just makes them bearable and allows you to move on.

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smile95 Established Member

smile95

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oh the cons go on and on(I am sure my friends and family could add the ones I miss) lol

 

I guess if the feelings fade even a little, it will be an improvement.....

 

I just have to not break and answer when he calls this time. I have to be the one to break the cycle that we both have become so familiar with.

 

The diffrence this time is.....I am not counting on hope anymore. IT is more about me getting over him and seeing that he brought me down.

sundrop Established Member

sundrop

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You know Beth,

Next time he calls and you don't answe, his first instinct is going to be "what the F*ck, she always answers when I call" so he will probably wonder what the h*ll is going on.

 

So next time he calls, don't answer and get the satisfaction, knowing he is wondering what you are doing.....

 

Also unfortunatly, sometimes our questions never get answered.

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smile95 Established Member

smile95

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In 3.5 yrs, me not answering would be the 2nd or 3rd time only. I ALWAYS answerd him. The only thing with that is it holds on to hope for him to call. I want so much to be able to do that, but I know him and he will not call for about a month or so. I want to be able to look fwd to doing that, but somehow I have to move on in the process and not just live for that moment....altho it wold feel so great. He would never expect it! EVER>

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smile95 Established Member

smile95

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In 3.5 yrs, me not answering would be the 2nd or 3rd time only. I ALWAYS answerd him. The only thing with that is it holds on to hope for him to call. I want so much to be able to do that, but I know him and he will not call for about a month or so. I want to be able to look fwd to doing that, but somehow I have to move on in the process and not just live for that moment....altho it would feel so great. He would never expect it! EVER>

 

Is it ok to move on and still wnt to do that!!!!! I guess it is pron not good if I think that way and he never calls and in 4 yrs I am still waiting......lol

cosis Member

cosis

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I told my ex I couldn't be friends and did not regret it. Maybe after all the feelings have passed I could but I would probably just start liking her again.

sanne Established Member

sanne

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what you need to do is totally distract yourself. immerse yourself in new projects and activities. don't give yourself time to even sit and think about your ex, otherwise he will no doubt consume your thoughts. i thought just the same way you did initially, but I decided to take the advice of others here. at first, it will seem like nothing you try is working, but if you stick with it and are consistent then things will get better. i just met a really great girl at work and I can definitely see our relationship progressing towards something serious already. there is hope, and you will find someone new, but you cannot move on until you let go of your ex.

cosis Member

cosis

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Originally posted by sanne

what you need to do is totally distract yourself. immerse yourself in new projects and activities. don't give yourself time to even sit and think about your ex, otherwise he will no doubt consume your thoughts. i thought just the same way you did initially, but I decided to take the advice of others here. at first, it will seem like nothing you try is working, but if you stick with it and are consistent then things will get better. i just met a really great girl at work and I can definitely see our relationship progressing towards something serious already. there is hope, and you will find someone new, but you cannot move on until you let go of your ex.

 

good point, exactly what i did..... and my ex eventually wondered why I never contacted her and became interested again. I met 2 girls since then and now I am able to date all 3 :D

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smile95 Established Member

smile95

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whenever I get the urge to call, I have been saying to myself "why? Why do you want to? Why are you chasing this man that treats you this way? If you call, what will happen? Youwill get a temporary relief and a high and then things will go bak to being miserable. Nothing good will come from calling him aside from maybe a days worth of happiness that never lasts"

 

That seems to be working for now...........

 

I have been trying to ask myself what it is I love about him? The only things I come up with are that we had a great physical connection......he made me laugh.......when we spent time together, I could tell he loved me........but when I say all of that........I think anyone can guve me those things right?

 

It should not be this hard right? Love should bring out the best in you and this is not the best of me. He really has been messing with me and playing games for so long now. Too long.

 

I am trying my hardest to not fall this weekend. Try to keep busy. At least I have learned what NOT to do and put up with in the future.....it got me know where to be understanding with him. I should have put my foot down the 1st time he did this and not the 7th! I am sure he thinks that this is just like all the other times.

sundrop Established Member

sundrop

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Beth,

When you decide not to answer that phone the next tme he calls, the high and the power you feel will be the best feeling ever. You will finally see for yourself you are that strong person, you now you are, but not answering that first call is the hardest. You sit there and look at the phone while it's ringing and those four rings, before your answering machine comes on, is the longest four rings in eternity. And then he leaves a message or not, but you will feel SO GOOD about not answering. Then take some pleasure in knowing, he is wondering where you are and what you are doing, that you couldn't answer his call. AND THEN as hard as it maybe, don't call him back right away, make him wait atleast 24 hours before you call him back, if you feel like it.

I know, not talking to him will feel like you will die, but when you don't call and don't answer the phone next time he calls, you will feel more alive, because you have taken back some of your power, he no longer has ALL of it.

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smile95 Established Member

smile95

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Good luck, and please trust me when I tell you, do NO CONTACT and stick to it...

 

Thanks Steve

 

I was actaully hoping yu would read this and I would hear that you are doing better. I trust you that it will get better...I know the state yuo were in and if you feel better, then I know that I will too. I guess I have to be patient.........

 

So glad you are better......I also started a new job and I love it....something new.

 

When you had thoughts of her and questions and wanted to call, what did you do instead?

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smile95 Established Member

smile95

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Before I sat around thinking of her all day/night, stayed at home, was a lump on a log.... and all I did was torture myself....

 

That is what I do now, but that is changing...........

 

So you just got moving and active then. That was very fast for you to do so well..I hope I am that lucky.

 

I try to distract myself. Sometimes I feel good(like now) and others if I watch a movie or hear a love song, I get sad and miss him and kind of panic that it really is over.......

 

I know I deserve better.........I just want time to pass by very fast for me.

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smile95 Established Member

smile95

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I kinda look at it that way too

 

When we were together, all I did was wait for the calls(or lack of), worry about who or what he was doing, wonder why he promised things he never came thru with, wonder when I would see him, wonder why he ignored me calling, etc....and I would be a mess all day -maybe all week.

 

Now, we are not talking and I am still upset, but just an "i miss him, i love him" upset. Not the gut wrenching pit in my stomach like when we wer togrther. Sp O prefer this feeling to the one above.After a while, I think I will see that since we were LD anyway, my life is not much different.

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