rglove Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 If you have reason not to trust him, drop him, if you don’t, be the best partner/girlfriend that you can be and thrust in worthiness as such, that you are a worthwhile partner, that nobody can replace what you give, that there’s nobody better for him than you. If you don’t believe that, if you don’t have that attitude, there’ll always be insecurities in your relationships. I am a “big” believer in self confident, in a positive self attitude and to tell you I was a little disturbed, by you saying that the compliments where making you uncomfortable. Now, he might just be a dog, and if he is drop him, but you have to believe you’re worthwhile and you can’t let anything take away from that. In my discerning eyes, you’re Beautiful, Gorgeous, but you have to believe it. It’s been my experience that those with low self-esteem attract those who would prey on that, thusly, they are constantly in bad relationship and always find flaws in the good ones. You deserve the best, and if he ain’t it, drop him, but first, you have to know and truly believe that you do!!!
noname Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 well, thank you for the compliments....but theyre making me uncomfortable While they are very sweet, I was trying not to go there.... i think everybody knows you were not searching for compliments. uncomfortable? i think just found and outlet to tell you how the felt about your picture. But he was staring for an awfully long time, and its just not nice!!! because he is jack_ss enough not to care that it bothers you. and that is that. woman or man, you have to know people's threshholds for insecurity. where to draw the line... I dont really trust him to begin with... do you really mean this? i wanna know before i comment on it... but I dont know how to do that burned or not, you are going to have to learn if you expect to have any healthy relationship in your life... and he always says how much he loves legs...LIAR!! he said legs. not fit and trim legs. he may like legs of various sizes... (really, he does have problems telling the truth about things) ok. and that is why you... dont really trust him to begin with... sidebar... one funny thing that is misunderstood about men is that when we look at women it is assumed that we are always looking for something hotter. sometimes we look at women just to enjoy their beauty. women of all shapes and sizes have beauty. just because we look at a woman that is sub par by your standards does not mean that we don't find beauty in them. and it is not always because we are dogs. it is often because we try to find beauty in everything. we are less concerned with perfection than many women think. i try to find beauty in most women even when i am not attracted to them. this has little to do with your topic but... talk to him about lingering looks and see if he changes. but if you don't trust him and he lies to you then you don't need to carry this on any further. i don't understand how people maintain relationships when they do not trust. i don't have enough emotional energy for that. but maybe that is just my immaturity...
elijahBailey Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 women of all shapes and sizes have beauty. just because we look at a woman that is sub par by your standards does not mean that we don't find beauty in them. Man, I'm so TOTALLY with you on this one. Definitely and absolutely true... Women these days are so traumatized by the 'standards' set by the fashion show catwalks that they're convinced that beauty lies within a very narrow specification. That's total Bulls***. So often I can't even explain why I'm attracted to a particular girl, even though she's totally average in every department. I suspect it's got to do with the charm and the chemistry. Plus, the way a girl carries herself is soooo underrated and under-appreciated these days it's almost criminal. i try to find beauty in most women even when i am not attracted to them. as do I.... as do I....
Author clandestinidad Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 I dont have a low self-esteem or anything...the reason the comments made me uncomfortable was b/c Im humble, and b/c I dont want answers to a question or problem of mine to simply feed my ego...I wasnt fishing for compliments....thats all...maybe there's a different word that would have been better than "uncomfortable" and no, I dont trust him. I trust that he's not going to cheat on me, but I dont trust him to tell me the truth about anything small or large, and I certainly dont trust him with my feelings/opinions. I wouldnt have a problem trusting people if they wouldnt damage it repeatedly....trust is earned IMO I see what ya'll are saying about looking at all types of bodies, and that it doesnt mean that you 'want' them...just looking and not necessarily comparing. He was being a d!(k last night, btw...we were talking about business owners, and what happens to the family life when someone is so focused on their own monetary/business success..... I started talking about my own father, didnt even get into my story, and he was chiming in and arguing. He was comparing owning a commercial tile contracting business with maybe 10 jobs going on at the same time, and saying that its not any harder than someone who is an independant court reporter (with multiple jobs at same time). I certainly think the contracting business is harder. Oh yeah, and he kept saying that I was the one who was comparing our parents, when HE was the one who brought up the comparisons!! He was going on and on for a long time trying to convince me and change my opinion about it....it was a really stupid conversation. And seriously, are we still 10 and give a $hit about comparing our parents!?! grow up! (he'll be 25 this month, but acts like he's 16 sometimes!!) But my point is, and I made sure to tell him, that he wont let me have my own thoughts, feelings, opinions, or anything without having some huge discussion/argument about it! As if we're discussing philosophy or something, where people share their differing thoughts! Seriously, it doesnt matter what we're talking about...he ALWAYS has to say what HE thinks about it....and its ALWAYS refuting what I've said....and good god its exhausting!!!!!
Art_Critic Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 But my point is, and I made sure to tell him, that he wont let me have my own thoughts, feelings, opinions, or anything without having some huge discussion/argument about it! As if we're discussing philosophy or something, where people share their differing thoughts! Seriously, it doesnt matter what we're talking about...he ALWAYS has to say what HE thinks about it....and its ALWAYS refuting what I've said....and good god its exhausting!!!!! Hi Kat.. don't take this the wrong way because I don't mean it in a negative fashion but, Just why are you with this guy ? .. You seem like you know yourself really well and know when someone is crosing the line but why do you tolerate his behavior if it cuts across the grain of what you believe about yourself ? It seems that just about everything this guys stands for goes against you and your thoughts about your yourself
JPMorgan Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 It is a tired analogy but, when you are in a restaurant, you look at the menu--you know you love the filet mignon but you look at the other offerings, but you know deep down that nothing satisfies more than the filet. Thus reinforcing the "women are just meat" cliche! If my husband ever looked at me like a menu item he can just move on to the next item because he couldn't handle me! Men look - they don't think "hey I'll look at that chick" and then look, IF they think at all it's "um, did I look at that chick over there in front of my wife/gf?" It's like a reflex action with some guys. I wouldn't tolerate my husband squirming around in his chair in front of me to look at some pretty woman though--he's at least subtle and polite and respectful about it -- he'll just get up to use the restroom and walk past said pretty woman! (he thinks I don't know what he's doing - awe!) As long as he shows me that respect he can look all he wants.
mummy Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 I would kill to even have a guy look at me sideways! You are so pretty! If ur man is attracted to girls not as pretty as u then at least hes not shallow! Try being in my posistion. I have 2 kids,no breasts besides 2 saggy flaps of skin, im covered in stretch marks and im fat, have bad hair, bad acne and scarring, hair just about everywhere it shouldn't be. i wear glasses and cant see 10cm in front of me without them and my boyfriend is constantly cheating on me with girls 20times prettier, skinier, bigger breasts, etc. so just be thankful that ur man was only looking!
Author clandestinidad Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 alright...didnt mean to stir up bad feelings mummy i broke up with him sunday anyway, so thats that
JS17 Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I would kill to even have a guy look at me sideways! You are so pretty! If ur man is attracted to girls not as pretty as u then at least hes not shallow! Try being in my posistion. I have 2 kids,no breasts besides 2 saggy flaps of skin, im covered in stretch marks and im fat, have bad hair, bad acne and scarring, hair just about everywhere it shouldn't be. i wear glasses and cant see 10cm in front of me without them and my boyfriend is constantly cheating on me with girls 20times prettier, skinier, bigger breasts, etc. so just be thankful that ur man was only looking! Why are you staying with your boyfriend if he's cheating on you?!?!
GuySimple Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 I knew a guy in college who use to only date women who may not be considered the most outwardly attractive. We would go to a bar and he would always leave with the girl who would be voted most unlikely to get a date. When asked why he had a few reasons. First, he was a fairly shy, arrogant guy with an active libido (horny). So the last thing he wanted to do was approach a woman and have her brush him off. He felt these women were sure things…never say no. They would be so happy to have this guy pick them up. He also, in his own sick mind, felt superior to them. He wasn’t a bad looking guy so these women were probably flattered that he wanted to spend time with him. That they would somehow worship him, which unfortunately most did until they either caught on to him or their own standards improved. It’s been a while since I did the bar thing but it use to be kind of interesting to watch the “horny dance of the aggressive male” at last call. These were the guy’s who didn’t make a connection with someone during the night and have now run out of time. Who do they generally pick…the less attractive women…the possible sure thing. So, maybe your boyfriend is looking for a little something on the side and to have his ego stroked a bit. I don’t get the feeling that you are the type to do the “mindless ego building submissive aren’t you great thing” that some guys crave so he’s looking for someone who will play the subservient role in his play.
big_girls_rock Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Maybe he is secretly attracted to big girls- ugly or not.
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