clandestinidad Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 alright...my bf checks out ugly girls. Ya know, here I am, an alright/average-looking gal...not ugly, but not totally gorgeous.....who's concerned about him staring at or meeting hot girls and wanting to date them or whatever (starting some sort of emotional relationship or something, ya know).... and apparently I should ALSO be concerned about girls who arent attractive at all!!! We were in the car a few days ago, and he was totally staring at some girl walking by!!! She didnt have a good/hot body, or an attractive face.....but he was watching her the whole time. I called him on it, and he tried to lie about it. Then I said something like she was ugly, and he said yeah, her face was...I said something like, you arent saying that her body was ugly too...and he said, b/c it wasnt. I said that she's a lot bigger than me, obviously doesnt work out or eat right.....do you want me to be fat like that??! He said no, he likes my body He apologized for being an a$$ and checking her out....I was trying to explain that if she was hotter than me, then I would kind of expect it, but she wasnt, and that it kinda tells me that I should be cautious of girls that are uglier than me! I just now remembered that this is the second time he's checked out girls that are bigger than me (in front of me). Here I am keeping my body looking good (i'm 5'6 @ 110-112lbs, toned/muscular), and he's looking at girls like that! I was insecure about really hot girls, but now I am about any decent or ugly-looking ones, apparently his standards arent very high.....and it doesnt feel good. I know that everyone has different tastes, but thats not what I'm talking about here....I dont really know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe just venting....maybe looking for some support....maybe some input from guys about looking at girls....whatever
Merin Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 First of all... what'cha talking about Kat? You're beautiful! Sheesh! IMO your BF is getting more of a kick out of your reaction then he actually is in looking... An example (from my BF) We were out last weekend and there was a tent set up for Hooters... so it was cold outside and the Hooters Girls working this event were in running pants and warm up jackets... my BF says to me "I'm going to go and ask why they aren't wearing less" I was like "Okay cool, get me a beer while you're there" Then he said "You should be a hooters girl" I said "Okay yeah, actually I was thinking about stripping more money in it..." he looked at me like this >> Then he said "Hell no you're not!" I try to never give him any satisfaction in things like that... it's always all okay in a Guys mind to look (and honestly I don't care if my BF looks as long as he isn't drooling ha!) BUT OMG let them see another Guy looking at YOU that way, and they are so offended! You're gorgeous Kat, don't sweat it
Treasa Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 You're very pretty, and I agree with the others. He's either trying to get a reaction out of you, or it's harmless. I check out most guys, even ugly ones, and I'm completely in love with my boyfriend and would never cheat on him. You have to decide which of these two factors is likely true in this case.
Art_Critic Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 He is testing you ...You passed.. you reacted
battleworn Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Yeah but did she have big breasts. That's kind of a trump card.
Merin Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by battleworn Yeah but did she have big breasts. That's kind of a trump card.
Author clandestinidad Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 well, thank you for the compliments....but theyre making me uncomfortable While they are very sweet, I was trying not to go there.... So....I see what ya'll are saying. And in theory, I know its true about getting a reaction, and that everyone looks at other people. But he was staring for an awfully long time, and its just not nice!!! When we were discussing it, I asked him how he'd feel if I was staring that long at some guys crotch right in front of him...he got the point, and said it was an a$$ thing to do I guess the whole thing is insecurity based on the fact that I dont really trust him to begin with....and I imagine someone starting a relationship with someone better/hotter than me....but apparently he could be attracted to ANYone, and that worries me. Although, I see what ya'll are saying.....I'm just going to have to get over it I guess, and trust him, but I dont know how to do that and yes, she had weird floppy t!ts....didnt look like she works out or anything....and he always says how much he loves legs...LIAR!! (really, he does have problems telling the truth about things)
Art_Critic Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by kat23 apparently he could be attracted to ANYone, and that worries me. this is a good trait for him to have .. Shows his maturity.. only immature people will only have a relationship with Hot Hot Hot.. you shouldn't be worried
Author clandestinidad Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 Thank you much....I'm feeling a bit better about it ya know, when you finally get something off your chest and then it doesnt bother you as much...theres my feminine side for ya
battleworn Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Big floppy tits. That would do it. Something you have to understand. Men like to look at big breasts, even on unattractive women. Does that mean he'd even consider dumping you for her? No way. It's just part of the male psyche. If you are out with a buddy and the most hideous woman walks by, but she's got a huge rack, you nudge him and make the big boobs cupping gesture. It's just how we work. It doesn't even mean we like her breasts, just that we notice them. Seriously, it meant nothing. Really.
SixthSt.Girl Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Well, beauty is pretty relative. I've known guys who've dumped their girlfriends for "hotter" girls, even though, to me and many other people, their exes looked much prettier. And, it did seem to be mainly based on looks - the guy would say, "Yeah, I like my gf, but Mindy is sooo hot." I've also seen magazines trash celebs' dates, saying things like, "so and so cheats on his wife with a plain mistress," and the plain mistress looks sooo much better than the wife to me! Maybe your bf just had a strange attraction to this girl, and was agreeing with you to appease you. I've had the strangest attraction to guys who definitely weren't what I'd consider handsome or what I'd think the norm would consider handsome. It's just so relative. I don't want to worry you or anything - that's just my honest opinion.
Jayhawks Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 He means that only mature people will see past the facade and look for the inner beauty. Immature people will never grow up enough to want to know a person if they're not HOT.
elijahBailey Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 hey Kat, I check out women all the time. I don't mean ugly ones. But what you brand as 'ugly' may pass as 'ain't that bad' to your b/f. My attraction is not limited to a certain body type, a certain boob size, nor a certain type of face. I can as easily find myself attracted to <tall, slightly oversized, average face> as much as <short, slim, average face>. Look at it this way, if beauty is limited to a very narrow spectrum, then a lot of women would've thrown in the towel a long time ago But, seriously, what I'm sayin' is.... I look cos I'm a guy nothin' else, really......
Vega Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Just because you think someone is ugly doesn't mean everyone will. Not all guys like sticks with boobs or think fashion magazine teeth and a nose job is beautiful. (not saying that you are any of these things!) People are attracted to different things. What some people call imperfections other will consider character. I like a crooked smile and not teeth that look like they came out of a catalog or perfect symmetry in a face. You have no reason to be insecure---no one does. Thankfully my guy loves some meat on the bone and more curves than rigid muscle, and a nose that is proud and not plastic.
lost_in_chgo Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 If you're boyfriend is checking out other women on the street it ISN'T ABOUT YOU. Stop the insecurity or it will ruin every relationship you will ever have. If you're boyfriend leans out the window and ask her out, it IS about you.
RecordProducer Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 When our BFs check girls in the streets, we're not insecure about our looks, but our relationships. So why do guys stare at all? What does it mean?
elijahBailey Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer When our BFs check girls in the streets, we're not insecure about our looks, but our relationships. So why do guys stare at all? What does it mean? gosh, RP, you're reading way too deep into things.... We look only because we're men. That's all; period.... nothing else........ Honest!
933KJL Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 It is a tired analogy but, when you are in a restaurant, you look at the menu--you know you love the filet mignon (and Kat, I agree you are filet for sure), but you look at the other offerings, but you know deep down that nothing satisfies more than the filet. From a practical point, I have found that outgoing people will look at other people--period. Not checking them out, just looking and observing. I know I do it all the time and play a game with myself "ok , so what's their deal?" trying to guess what their lives are like. Sidewalk cafes are great for this and windows in restaurants. But, if he is drooling, and totally gawking, that might be another issue. I recall once when I was courting my ex wife, some hottie came into the bar I worked in and I stopped mid sentence and looked her up and down--no booty for John that night--believe me. And I also agree with several others in that your definition of hot may not be another's. I personally think that Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie are nothign to write home about. Yeah they have nice boobs and good bodies, but... so your BF's definition of hot or attractive more likely than not is different than yours, but it does not mean he does not dig you. I have a thing for Nicole Kidman, but my current GF is 5'2", blonde, and fairly well endowed. But if Nicole comes to her senses and decides she wants me--I am so there! LOL
alphamale Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 men basically want to bang any female with a pulse but there is a heirarchy: 1) bang hot ones 1st 2) bang avg ones 2nd 3) bang ugly ones 3rd
RecordProducer Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey gosh, RP, you're reading way too deep into things.... We look only because we're men. That's all; period.... nothing else........ Honest! Hm... but he looks at hot girls more than once. If we're in a restaurant he will turn around once in a while to see the woman. He is not sending any signals to her or anything, but it pisses me off. Like once some young girl was jumping in her bikini (small tits, but she was kinda sexy) and he was watching her all the time and then said was just watching the mechanism of the trampoline! And he is 48. Otherwise he is passionate about me and really shows his love for me.. So what do you think? I remember you said yourself that you hate when your GF watches other guys...
elijahBailey Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Hm... but he looks at hot girls more than once. If we're in a restaurant he will turn around once in a while to see the woman. He is not sending any signals to her or anything, but it pisses me off. aww dang... I do that too... but I'm pretty subtle I'm pretty sure that if I did it blatantly, I would be sleeping on the couch that night... and no booty Like once some young girl was jumping in her bikini (small tits, but she was kinda sexy) and he was watching her all the time and then said was just watching the mechanism of the trampoline! And he is 48. :lmao: my sides are splitting!!... :lmao: But, hey, doesn't matter whether he's 18,28,48 or 68, I guess it just shows that our male instinct for appreciating fine women is alive and kickin'. Otherwise he is passionate about me and really shows his love for me.. Ya know, that's really the only thing that should matter to you. IMHO, a man with a bad habit of checking out women is no more susceptible to cheating than one who doesn't. It just comes down to the person's character. His passion and action towards you speaks volumes. I remember you said yourself that you hate when your GF watches other guys... ooooooohhhh, I do!.... <grrrrrr>. But I get this feeling she does it to keep me in check. Whatever. If she's too blatant... things won't be pretty
RecordProducer Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey :lmao: my sides are splitting!!... :lmao: Funny, eh? ooooooohhhh, I do!.... <grrrrrr>. But I get this feeling she does it to keep me in check. Whatever. If she's too blatant... things won't be pretty Hmmm... so he may look, but if I would look (I never do), he would actually be hurt, eh? That's good to know. I remember once we were sitting in a restaurant and 3 Canadian guys started talking to me while he was in the bathroom. When he came back, he looked really down because I was just talking to them. Otherwise he rarely shows any signs of jealousy. This Canadian guy was gay (he told me that) and we only talked for a few minutes. In any case, elijahBailey, you made my day big time!
Author clandestinidad Posted August 27, 2005 Author Posted August 27, 2005 IMHO, a man with a bad habit of checking out women is no more susceptible to cheating than one who doesn't. It just comes down to the person's character. His passion and action towards you speaks volumes. I think that's what I really needed to hear.....thank you! The bad thing is that he's not very passionate or anything towards me (we've discussed ways to show me, but he doesnt do them)....and he has a history of lying and hiding stupid $h!t (and bigger things too)....so his character isnt very good IMO but yeah...thank you for reminding me that a man who checks out women isnt more likely to cheat than one who doesnt....I need to remember that
RecordProducer Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Originally posted by kat23 I think that's what I really needed to hear.....thank you! That's what we all needed to hear! Kat, if he has a history of lying, first time you catch him... you know what to do! Don't put up with sh*t, you're a good woman.
SixthSt.Girl Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 "IMHO, a man with a bad habit of checking out women is no more susceptible to cheating than one who doesn't." ITA - I just wanted to clarify - there's no way to predict if a guy who looks over other women will even entertain the idea of sleeping with another woman. I have had married guys hit on me, and I had no idea they were even "interested" until someone else told me what they were about... Some of the sleaziest guys at work who had reputations of having affairs were really quiet and discreet, "smooth operators." Their wives obviously had no clue either, or else you'd think they'd leave them. There is no crystal ball to predict human behavior. We're just that, human, we make mistakes. It sounds like you have trust issues with this guy, kat. If the "checking out ugly girls" gets to be really bothersome to you, which it sounds like it has since you're posting, I'd talk to him about it. It's probably just a natural response on his part - some people are like that. This woman in my class kept staring at me for the longest time during our first class. I could feel her eyes on me, and it did bother me. I found out that we went to the same college for our undergrads, so maybe she recognized me. I don't know since she didn't look familiar to me at all. I doubt she was physically attracted to me, or maybe she's gay, who knows? People catch our attention for different reasons. Point is, there's really nothing to do about it. You can make him aware, and even if he behaves around you, that doesn't mean he will in your absence! Good luck dealing with this.
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