mayonnaise Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 Hi everyone. I know this is random, but I just wanna know what you guys have done/have been doing that helped you cope up or not break NC? Like example, for me, 2 months ago just right after the break up, I would write good morning and good night messages addressing to my ex (just like we did before when we were still together) but send it to my own number. It did actually help me for a while, until I didn't need to do it anymore. No contact was the best thing that I ever did post-break up. I'm starting up this thread just to come up with ideas for other people who might need new coping strategies just to keep up with NC. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 Two things: Called my friends Played a mental game with myself. OK I can go 15 minutes; then 30, then an hour etc until I got up to about 2 weeks. By then I was past the immediate need to reach out. 2
enliven Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 I'm in the same situation currently and what I have found best is to ask myself - What will contacting them achieve? Seriously... Will it get me anywhere? Will I feel better or worse ? The answers are no and worse - so I keep with nc 6
LuckyM Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 I imagine strange and ridiculous letters I would send her then not send them. Because I know they would not matter and she would only get sore or mad.But in my mind I keep in contact. "There is nothing you can say and nothing you can do, when you love someone and she doesn't love you"----Dickie Betts, rock star. 1
Beachead Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 (edited) Hi everyone. I know this is random, but I just wanna know what you guys have done/have been doing that helped you cope up or not break NC? Like example, for me, 2 months ago just right after the break up, I would write good morning and good night messages addressing to my ex (just like we did before when we were still together) but send it to my own number. It did actually help me for a while, until I didn't need to do it anymore. No contact was the best thing that I ever did post-break up. I'm starting up this thread just to come up with ideas for other people who might need new coping strategies just to keep up with NC. Well, my first tip is VERY risky so make sure you are doing this with CAUTION. Make sure you turn off your DATA and WIFI. 1. A mock Message to the ex (On Whatsapp ) I'd turn my data and wifi off FIRST and write up a massive mock message to my ex on whatsapp and post it. It could be angry, sad, whatever. But something I truly wanted to say. No holds bard. But because the data and wifi are deactivated on my phone..it doesn't go through and I kind of get to go through a feeling of sending it to her. Because literally..I could turn on the wifi or data and the message would actually go through to her. So this triggers anxiety and fear of her response to my message and makes me want to take it back. At which point I copy the message from whatsapp and paste it in a word document and save it for myself to read in the future and then I delete the message off of whatsapp BEFORE I turn my wifi or data back on. It's risky because you could really slip up and forget to turn off the wifi/date and actaully send it to them for real. I only use this risky method in the beginning when I have trouble ignoring them. To minimize risk, you can just write up a message on Word and leave it as that but for me personally, it doesn't trigger the same kind feelings as doing it on whatsapp does. Other tips. 2. Therapy with a therapist, life coach or relationship coach (Be real careful when shopping for one). 3. Journaling out my thoughts without any formatting and just letting thoughts fly onto paper and seeing what comes out. Talking to friends about the problems (In the beginning). 4. Working out be it weight training, fitness classes, a job, a sport or what not. Physical activity leaves you feeling good inside due to chemical processes that occur during. Edited February 16, 2018 by Beachead 1
vickyp Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 I would picture my ex in my head, and tell him exactly what I had thought at the moment. I do keep reminding myself what a douche he was, and I deserve better.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 This isn't exactly the same, and it involves the honor system, but when I was really struggling with not engaging with my ex (we have to have contact because we have kids, and there was so much hurt and drama and I was very, very angry), I made a deal with my sis that if I "blew it" and engaged (via text/email) in a nasty and negative way I'd have to give her $50. It really worked for me, and I only had to pay her once lol. Like I said, honor system . 1
1fish2fish Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 The most helpful thing for me was reading the stories here on LS about how it set the OP back and made them feel even worse than during the original break up (sometimes). No way was I, or am I, going to break NC and start my healing over from square one! I can also thank all the posters who responded to breadcrumbs, because I only did that once, 3 months after our BU, and haven't since. Also reading PMS (post male syndrome) blog posts over and over again helped me stay strong.
Art Vandelay Posted February 16, 2018 Posted February 16, 2018 For me it was pure will and determination coupled with thinking back to the mistakes I made during past breakups.
Happy Lemming Posted February 17, 2018 Posted February 17, 2018 I would shave, shower, get dressed and go down to my local pub and try to find Miss "Right for Tonight". Even if I was unsuccessful, it would "knock the rust off" my pickup skills. "If you fall off a horse, you get back up. I am not a quitter." - Olivia Wilde 1
realfriends Posted February 19, 2018 Posted February 19, 2018 I wrote a lot. I kept a journal where each day I wrote an entry for over 100 days. They started off being very emotional responses to my ex. After a while, I was so sick of writing them and ran out of things to say. I held on to the journal for a while and would maybe read a few pages sporadically. Reading your feelings from the past is really eye opening in letting you know how far you have come in your healing process. Eventually I trashed the ****.
fieldoflavender Posted February 19, 2018 Posted February 19, 2018 Journaling, write letters to them - at some point, you will get so angry that you want to tell them off - and then you remember your pride, your dignity, and realize how crappy they were, and that it's not a life you ever want to go back to. I would say pride and repeating that I was to not rewrite a book that led to misery. Work more, earn more money.
toomanyquestions123 Posted February 20, 2018 Posted February 20, 2018 Actually nothing can stop you from breaking NC except your will. I stayed NC for 7 months and i thought that it is impossible i would break NC since i already didn't break the NC before but one night i had a dream about him and i woke up crying ( i always have dreams of him coming back since he suddenly left when we broke up and i didn't have the chance to say goodbye ) so i texted him with a very emotional message that of course he did not reply to. Button line is you are the master of yourself, i did all the things mentioned above and still i broke NC once. Just ask yourself what good will do to you if you broke NC, most probably nothing.
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