FOBolous Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 So I've been dating this girl for the past 3 weeks. Valentine's Day would have made it 4 weeks. We went out this past Friday, got drunk, and she pretty much spilled her feelings to me telling me how much she likes me while not being able to keep her hands off me. At the end of the night, she insisted I call/text her the next day to hang out. Then the next day, Saturday, called her 3x (once at 3p, once at 6p, then once at 9p) and she ignored all my calls. Today? Still nothing. And she's been active on social media during this time. We had plans on Valentine's Day and my question is...should reach out to her tonight to see if we are still on tomorrow or should I leave it alone...if she doesn't contact me, cut my losses and move on? Some additional info: 1. I have not attempted to call her since my third attempt on Saturday 2. We did have a small disagreement on Friday but i thought it has been resolved since she spilled her feelings about me to me and we made out at the end of the night. 3. She was engaged before but broke off the engagement when she found videos of her fiance with another girl. That was two years ago and hasn't been with anyone serious since.
Erik30 Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 I would try to confirm the date so you don't risk being stood up.(or wasting your time thinking about it) If she also ignores that, assume it's not happening and make other plans.
browzer Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 3x you've reached out, 3x she's ignored you. You're certain she knows you've tried to contact her, right? You didn't call the wrong number, you are sure the call went through, hopefully you left at least one VM.. I wouldn't contact her again. FWIW she sounds somewhat unstable= unpredictable.
Author FOBolous Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 I would try to confirm the date so you don't risk being stood up.(or wasting your time thinking about it) If she also ignores that, assume it's not happening and make other plans. Yeeea...i am thinking about leaving it alone, wait for her to contact me, and if she doesn't contact me, assume it's not happening, it's over, cut my losses and move on.
Author FOBolous Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 (edited) 3x you've reached out, 3x she's ignored you. You're certain she knows you've tried to contact her, right? You didn't call the wrong number, you are sure the call went through, hopefully you left at least one VM.. I wouldn't contact her again. FWIW she sounds somewhat unstable= unpredictable. No, I didn't leave a VM. I'm certain I called the right #. Figured she'll see the missed calls on her phone. Edited February 14, 2018 by FOBolous
Iseult Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 We went out this past Friday, got drunk, and she pretty much spilled her feelings to me telling me how much she likes me while not being able to keep her hands off me. At the end of the night, she insisted I call/text her the next day to hang out. You should be able to count on drunk people. The fact that she's ignoring you probably means you need to supply her with more alcohol.
Happy Lemming Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 As a general rule, I leave 2 voice messages; at least 24 hours apart and that's it. If I don't get a return call back in a couple of days, I figure the person no longer wants to see me. NEXT!!
Maggie4 Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 You should leave a voicemail. That's the normal thing to do. Otherwise it's just a "ping", prompting her to initiate, without revealing to her that you still want to get together. 1
Author FOBolous Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 So I decided I'm not going to ask her if it's still going on tomorrow. If she want to spend time with me, SHE has to bring it up. and If i don't hear from her by 10 PM tonight, i'm going to text her and call it off myself. She's been ignoring me and i do not feel like rewarding her by spending time and money on her on the biggest lover's holiday of the year. If we flip this around...if I treated a girl the way she is treating me, I wouldn't expect her to want to spend time with me.
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 You should call her back and leave a voicemail. If a guy calls me and doesn't leave a voicemail I sometimes don't return the call. Also, there are dead spots in my home where my cellphone not only doesn't ring but also doesn't alert me in any way that I missed a call. A family member called me yesterday and later in the day I called the person. They'd been trying to contact me and it didn't show anywhere on my phone nor did my phone ring. This is someone I'm very close to and we talk often. Has happened before. 3
dumbass2 Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 Call and leave a voice mail and say you hope everything is okay and let her know to confirm by noon tomorrow if you two are still on for the evening.
Versacehottie Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 A missed call is not a vm. I don't return "missed calls" (i think it's kinda psycho and desperate to see that you have a missed call and call someone back; i'd expect someone to be mature enough to leave a message if they want to talk to me or get information to me). It could be a pocket dial, the person changed their mind about talking to me or a misdial or they are in middle of a ton of things. I think if someone is man enough or woman enough, they leave a vm if talking to you is what they intended. If you do that, you've done your part like a real guy would or at least a text. A missed call & you determine she is "ignoring" you isn't accurate. Don't be a wuss. Leave message and then the ball is truly in her court. At first when I read your original post I thought you were going to say you "reached out" 3 times , i.e. leaving a message or sending a text. Yes, if that's the case of course drop it but that isn't the case. *ps yes this is even when i've purposely "ignored" a call. People have to respect that others are busy and not get so bent out of shape or prideful that they can't leave a message. 2
Author FOBolous Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 A missed call is not a vm. I don't return "missed calls" (i think it's kinda psycho and desperate to see that you have a missed call and call someone back; i'd expect someone to be mature enough to leave a message if they want to talk to me or get information to me). It could be a pocket dial, the person changed their mind about talking to me or a misdial or they are in middle of a ton of things. I think if someone is man enough or woman enough, they leave a vm if talking to you is what they intended. If you do that, you've done your part like a real guy would or at least a text. A missed call & you determine she is "ignoring" you isn't accurate. Don't be a wuss. Leave message and then the ball is truly in her court. At first when I read your original post I thought you were going to say you "reached out" 3 times , i.e. leaving a message or sending a text. Yes, if that's the case of course drop it but that isn't the case. *ps yes this is even when i've purposely "ignored" a call. People have to respect that others are busy and not get so bent out of shape or prideful that they can't leave a message. i did send her a texts. a smiley emoji after the first failed call. after the third call, i send her a text asking is "is everything ok?" The next morning, i texted her "Hey I'm genuinely concern about your safety and well being cause i haven't heard from you. If for some reason, you're still made at me and/or don't want to talk, lmk so i know your'e safe and I'll give you space." Her response was "I was sleeping. You woke me up." to which I responded with "oh lol ok." and then radio silence since.
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 A missed call is not a vm. I don't return "missed calls" (i think it's kinda psycho and desperate to see that you have a missed call and call someone back; i'd expect someone to be mature enough to leave a message if they want to talk to me or get information to me). It could be a pocket dial, the person changed their mind about talking to me or a misdial or they are in middle of a ton of things. I think if someone is man enough or woman enough, they leave a vm if talking to you is what they intended. If you do that, you've done your part like a real guy would or at least a text. A missed call & you determine she is "ignoring" you isn't accurate. Don't be a wuss. Leave message and then the ball is truly in her court. At first when I read your original post I thought you were going to say you "reached out" 3 times , i.e. leaving a message or sending a text. Yes, if that's the case of course drop it but that isn't the case. *ps yes this is even when i've purposely "ignored" a call. People have to respect that others are busy and not get so bent out of shape or prideful that they can't leave a message. ^^^ This. Was going to bold the important parts but the whole post is right on target! 1
Versacehottie Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 i did send her a texts. a smiley emoji after the first failed call. after the third call, i send her a text asking is "is everything ok?" The next morning, i texted her "Hey I'm genuinely concern about your safety and well being cause i haven't heard from you. If for some reason, you're still made at me and/or don't want to talk, lmk so i know your'e safe and I'll give you space." Her response was "I was sleeping. You woke me up." to which I responded with "oh lol ok." and then radio silence since. Hmmm. well somewhat fair enough. A smiley emoji isn't enough to warrant an answer but your last message is. It may have come off a little over the top or needy at that point so if something like this ever happens to you again don't maybe take it that far with an avoidant type of person. But yes I get it---you have done your part. I would not think you are going on the date. Ball is 100% in her court. Her last answer and then radio silence is a dismissive way to be towards you & not something you would do to some guy you intended to date if you were normal. Good luck moving forward 1
Happy Lemming Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 A missed call is not a vm. I don't return "missed calls" (i think it's kinda psycho and desperate to see that you have a missed call and call someone back; i'd expect someone to be mature enough to leave a message if they want to talk to me or get information to me). I agree with you for the most part about missed calls. I do have some business associates that don't leave voicemails. So my system is to send a "follow up" e-mail for a missed call... Something to the effect of "Dear XXXX, It appears I missed your call on Feb. 13th at approximately 1:00pm. Is there something I can do for you?" But as far as personal missed calls, I figure it is a miss-dial if they don't leave a voice mail. 1
Author FOBolous Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 Hmmm. well somewhat fair enough. A smiley emoji isn't enough to warrant an answer but your last message is. It may have come off a little over the top or needy at that point so if something like this ever happens to you again don't maybe take it that far with an avoidant type of person. But yes I get it---you have done your part. I would not think you are going on the date. Ball is 100% in her court. Her last answer and then radio silence is a dismissive way to be towards you & not something you would do to some guy you intended to date if you were normal. Good luck moving forward and the reason i texted that is because earlier in the night on Friday, she agreed to eat with me and my friends the next day (Saturday) at 6:30 PM.
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 So I've been dating this girl for the past 3 weeks. Valentine's Day would have made it 4 weeks. We went out this past Friday, got drunk, and she pretty much spilled her feelings to me telling me how much she likes me while not being able to keep her hands off me. At the end of the night, she insisted I call/text her the next day to hang out. Then the next day, Saturday, called her 3x (once at 3p, once at 6p, then once at 9p) and she ignored all my calls. Today? Still nothing. And she's been active on social media during this time. We had plans on Valentine's Day and my question is...should reach out to her tonight to see if we are still on tomorrow or should I leave it alone...if she doesn't contact me, cut my losses and move on? Some additional info: 1. I have not attempted to call her since my third attempt on Saturday 2. We did have a small disagreement on Friday but i thought it has been resolved since she spilled her feelings about me to me and we made out at the end of the night. 3. She was engaged before but broke off the engagement when she found videos of her fiance with another girl. That was two years ago and hasn't been with anyone serious since. You're the prize, not her. Act like it. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 I agree with you for the most part about missed calls. I do have some business associates that don't leave voicemails. So my system is to send a "follow up" e-mail for a missed call... Something to the effect of "Dear XXXX, It appears I missed your call on Feb. 13th at approximately 1:00pm. Is there something I can do for you?" But as far as personal missed calls, I figure it is a miss-dial if they don't leave a voice mail. ha! I agree about the personal for sure and even if i suspect they DO want to talk to me, I certainly don't want to turn into the needy one who is overly excited or desperate for the phone call. Important with friends, bf's, probably even family to keep things evenly balanced. I RARELY return work ones either (sounds terrible i know) but i believe it keeps people from being overly dependent on me & making me overly responsible for stuff--their stuff. Basically same--if you need something from me, you need to at the VERY LEAST do your part to leave a message, write an email or send a text--i mean that's just basic! I am not into making myself a doormat for anyone (not that I think you are, Happy Lemming--i think you're a guy, right? And i'd be pretty sure our career experiences are different because of that. Like if you send your nice follow up emails you will stand out in a positive way but a girl will make herself indispensable but in all the wrong ways most likely if she does that). I will return ones that I genuinely was attempting to answer or get off the other line in time. Funny, the most responsible easiest to deal with people above me are normal and leave a message or even if they are the panicky type, will immediately text me. The few that are crazy, ADD types, erratic and more unstable can't even be bothered to leave a message or send a text--lol, this just happened to me twice recently from a client who is a tornado and I just never returned the "missed calls". Bottom line the way someone chooses to interact with you speaks volumes about how they will treat you within the relationship (work or otherwise). Will they be respectful of your time, your other priorities, super needy, avoid the real questions, create a lot of drama and chaos or be straightforward and respectful? I think if you want and expect that, be that to others. That doesn't mean I have to be/or our OP's girl or he needs to be available 24/7 to each other but that each of them can be sure that they will hear from the other in a decent time frame and that they won't avoid one another OR go off the deep end either. On some level you always have to respect that people have other priorities too. Plus with client types, it's leverage to raise your value--trust me (laws of supply and demand--same i'm sure goes with girls you are pursuing!). One of the best business lessons I ever learned from a VIP along those lines is that he would wait hours to call people back on the east coast from the west coast they would already be gone--one time I asked him why in the world are you calling people back now when they are obviously not there/available. He said because if he waited long enough they would figure out how to deal with the problem on their own. He was senior to almost everyone he was returning calls to. The goal was to look and be responsive but mostly let them figure their own stuff out. I know I'm going off topic a bit with this bit but there's a love lesson in there I'm positive or a corollary 1
Happy Lemming Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 I am not into making myself a doormat for anyone (not that I think you are, Happy Lemming--i think you're a guy, right? And i'd be pretty sure our career experiences are different because of that. Like if you send your nice follow up emails you will stand out in a positive way but a girl will make herself indispensable but in all the wrong ways most likely if she does that). Yes, I'm a guy. I was dealing with investors and working for a very small company, at that time (I've since early retired). My boss was quite generous, he compensated me very well and gave me bonuses when we closed a big deal. I never had a "stated bonus program" in my employment description with him, he just felt generous and wanted to share with me when the company had good fortune. We briefly had one other employee (who was female), when we got super busy. Along with compensating her well, he also made sure she got a bonus when a large contract or commission was landed. He was more than fair to both of us. I'm not in total disagreement with you, but I do think it depends on the company you work for. 1
Maggie4 Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 "I'm genuinely concern about your safety and well being cause i haven't heard from you. If for some reason, you're still made at me and/or don't want to talk, lmk so i know your'e safe." Why so much concern for her safety? Is she involved in something dangerous? You also said she's been active on social media. I think maybe your concern for her safety made you seem neurotic. 2
Author FOBolous Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 Why so much concern for her safety? Is she involved in something dangerous? You also said she's been active on social media. I think maybe your concern for her safety made you seem neurotic. she wasn't active on social media when her send her that. she was active afterwards.
winny Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 Good riddance from flaky woman. Don't bother even a bit. If she texts you back, ask her directly, what her deal is.
Author FOBolous Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 Good riddance from flaky woman. Don't bother even a bit. If she texts you back, ask her directly, what her deal is. Yea decided I'm not even going to bother "breaking up" with her like I originally planned. Thought I'd do it "first" to try to get back at her but at this point, im just not going to contact her anymore and move on with my life. 1
Yosemite Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 2. We did have a small disagreement on Friday but i thought it has been resolved since she spilled her feelings about me to me and we made out at the end of the night. What was the disagreement about? she pretty much spilled her feelings to me telling me how much she likes me while not being able to keep her hands off me. At the end of the night, she insisted I call/text her the next day to hang out. What did you say after she said that she was crazy about you? Did you tell her about your feelings for her?
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