Erik30 Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I have an upcoming date with a girl who I previously (briefly) dated about 3 years ago. I've been in a similar situation before with someone else, but I messed that up by trying to (unconsciously) recreate what "worked" between us in the past. During that date I kept on trying to remember stuff she had told me about herself or what she was into, and use that information as something to talk about. It led to a bunch of awkward silences, (me trying to come up with topics) and the entire conversation just felt forced. Obviously I never saw her again after that. So I guess my question basically is how should I act on the date, and what to talk about? We've basically had no contact at all for the past 2 years, and we're both also not active on social media so I don't really know what's going on in her life right now. Should I just act like this is kind of meeting someone for the first time, instead of "catching up" and going with what I still remember about her? I would really appreciate some suggestions/tips, thanks. 1
YNWA Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Out of curiosity, how did you guys link up again? As for what to do, it’s up to you, don’t make it feel forced...go with the flow you could even introduce yourself and make a joke out of it but all depends on your and her personality. Try to chat with her a bit beforehand and get some info about what’s she’s been up to or doing/into now. Just some suggestions! Good luck. I just had to stop talking to a girl I really liked because she isn’t emotionally ready to enter into another relationship after being in a 4 Year one and an 8 month one right after over the last 5 years so I had to let her go. It hurt so much but it’s what she needs and asked for. But maybe like you down the road we may meet again so I wish you the best of luck 1
basil67 Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 "So, what have you been doing for the last three years?" Let her tell you about her current life and work from there. She's not the same person that she was three years ago, so don't focus on what she liked then. 3
Author Erik30 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Posted February 13, 2018 Out of curiosity, how did you guys link up again? As for what to do, it’s up to you, don’t make it feel forced...go with the flow you could even introduce yourself and make a joke out of it but all depends on your and her personality. Try to chat with her a bit beforehand and get some info about what’s she’s been up to or doing/into now. Just some suggestions! Good luck. I just had to stop talking to a girl I really liked because she isn’t emotionally ready to enter into another relationship after being in a 4 Year one and an 8 month one right after over the last 5 years so I had to let her go. It hurt so much but it’s what she needs and asked for. But maybe like you down the road we may meet again so I wish you the best of luck Thanks! I texted her on New Year's Eve, just wishing her a happy new year. After that I suggested grabbing some drinks, which she then declined, claiming she wasn't ready to hang out with guys or date anyone in general. I told her it was fine, and that she could always contact me if she changes her mind. I left it at that. So I expected to never hear from her again since "not being ready" is often a lame excuse people use to let you down gently, till she texted me a couple of days ago about wanting to go out with me.
Author Erik30 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Posted February 13, 2018 Let her tell you about her current life and work from there. She's not the same person that she was three years ago, so don't focus on what she liked then. This is what I'll probably do, thanks! Unlike the similar situation with another girl I described, I think it's actually been too long for me to try to remember things from the past. (Besides some basic stuff) I might even accidentally mix her up with the other girls I dated after her
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Two days ago I got a FB friend request and subsequent messages from someone I dated (briefly) a couple years ago and I was having trouble remembering even what he did for a living and if he has kids! I don't think we'll go out because it seems as if he's actually in a relationship and looking for a hookup (he won't be straight with me about it), but if I did, I'd probably just said, "now, remind me again..." and go from there. This woman probably doesn't remember everything about you either. 1
Author Erik30 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Posted February 13, 2018 Two days ago I got a FB friend request and subsequent messages from someone I dated (briefly) a couple years ago and I was having trouble remembering even what he did for a living and if he has kids! I don't think we'll go out because it seems as if he's actually in a relationship and looking for a hookup (he won't be straight with me about it), but if I did, I'd probably just said, "now, remind me again..." and go from there. This woman probably doesn't remember everything about you either. "now, remind me again..." and go from there. "... That's basically the mistake I made with the other girl. I would say something like: -"Didn't you used to do XYZ? What's going on with that?" Then I would get a short closed answer, which forced me to come up with something else from her past... Same result, and so on, so on... I doubt it would work out with you and this guy if you can't even remember basic details about him, plus if he's in a relationship already on top of that, or you can't trust him anyway.... probably best to ignore
SpecialJ Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 It's better to think of it as something "new" and not assume anything about her. If it goes well, you'll end up with a new conversation from which you learn all about things she's been up to recently, mixed in with some of the old familiar elements that were good and worked about your dynamics. If you do remember things you liked about her, you can always work them in on a later meetup as long as it stays organic. But don't overthink or worry. Just be confident and conversational. I was in this situation a few months ago. I didn't talk about ANYTHING on that first meetup except the interesting stuff I'd been up to during our no contact, and I asked him questions about new things he'd done. That worked out pretty well, and now we talk every day again. 1
act00 Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 I'm going to agree to focus mainly on what's been going on since you last saw each other. Other points of interest like you had in the past should pop up organically. The difficult thing is not remembering details if she feels you should remember them, like how many brothers and sisters or her pet project from a long time ago or something, but depending on how long you went out, a reasonable person will understand your personal history will not be imprinted on your memory (and vice versa). This comes from going out a long time and repeated exposure to such bits of information. Let things flow. It shouldn't be awkward, but focus more on the present than the past at first I think is a good idea. Hopefully you see good things, OP. Not to rain on your parade, but seconds usually aren't much different, plus she pulled the "not ready" card. Three years have passed, so I definitely think it's worth a try to see if you are both in that place you can really pursue something. You didn't say why you broke up, but you only went out briefly. The "why" can be important. Good luck! It's exciting! 1
Author Erik30 Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 I'm going to agree to focus mainly on what's been going on since you last saw each other. Other points of interest like you had in the past should pop up organically. The difficult thing is not remembering details if she feels you should remember them, like how many brothers and sisters or her pet project from a long time ago or something, but depending on how long you went out, a reasonable person will understand your personal history will not be imprinted on your memory (and vice versa). This comes from going out a long time and repeated exposure to such bits of information. Let things flow. It shouldn't be awkward, but focus more on the present than the past at first I think is a good idea. Hopefully you see good things, OP. Not to rain on your parade, but seconds usually aren't much different, plus she pulled the "not ready" card. Three years have passed, so I definitely think it's worth a try to see if you are both in that place you can really pursue something. You didn't say why you broke up, but you only went out briefly. The "why" can be important. Good luck! It's exciting! Thanks! I was really inexperienced when I dated her back then, so I made a lot of mistakes like being way too needy/clingy, and not picking up on hints that she wanted to have sex with me. I was actually still a virgin, so just kissing her was already a big deal to me, and it never went past that stage. I cringe at the thought of some of those moment , it was very obvious in hindsight. I'm now in my 30's so me being a virgin was not something most people would expect, and I also didn't tell her. After about 3 months of dating she ended it, basically because she was multi-dating and picked some other guy over me.
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