girlinNYC Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I have been on and off in the dating scene for a while. I take breaks when I feel I need too, then get back into it when I feel the time is right. This isn't about anyone in particular, but a general trend I have noticed is I am always told how 'perfect' I am, that I have beauty and brains - yet how come a so called perfect girl always comes second in the love race? It doesn't make me doubt my attributes, I am self-confident and have used the time as a single girl to my advantage by developing that inner strength so I don't allow myself to be walked over. But it still begs the question as to why 'easy' type girls come first and the women with brains don't? Not trying to pump myself up and put others down, but I have noticed this trend in my love life of being told how amazing I am and it not eventuating beyond that. It does get quite debilitating. Thoughts why?
PegNosePete Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 This is the female equivalent of "nice guys finish last"? You are probably attracting a large number of players. If you're looking for love then you need to learn to filter them out but keep the nice guys in. Generally those looking for a relationship will not ply you with such strong compliments early on. If you really are so perfect then many decent guys may think you're out of their league and avoid you for fear of rejection.
Author girlinNYC Posted February 13, 2018 Author Posted February 13, 2018 This is the female equivalent of "nice guys finish last"? You are probably attracting a large number of players. If you're looking for love then you need to learn to filter them out but keep the nice guys in. Generally those looking for a relationship will not ply you with such strong compliments early on. If you really are so perfect then many decent guys may think you're out of their league and avoid you for fear of rejection. Mind you, I'm not calling myself perfect ha. Your response makes sense though, generally the 'nicer' guys I have met have been more subtle in the beginning and haven't started with O.T.T compliments. I'm very warm and friendly so I don't give off a snobby holier than thou vibe, hence the confusion.
PegNosePete Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Right. You need to filter out the princes from the frogs quicker and more efficiently, without wasting your time and emotion. OTT compliments are a very good indicator that someone is looking to bed you ASAP rather than get to know you as a person. As soon as you see indicators that they are not seeking the same thing as you, you need to drop them and move on. You may find it useful to have a profile review, which you can request on the forums of your chosen OLD site. Your problem isn't that you can't get matches, but you can't get the right kind of responses. Many women assume that because they get lots of responses their profile is great, that they just need to wait for the nice guy fairy to bless them, and then get frustrated when they don't. Or they make so much effort to put off the wrong sort that they throw out the baby with the bath water and put off the right sort as well. The fact is, if you want to attract the right sort, you need to put effort into creating a quality profile - just as guys do. I don't know if that's relevant to you or not, but it's very common that women put in little effort, assume it's fine because they are getting lots of messages, and then get annoyed that all the messages are from hookup seekers. 1
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Been there done that. I had (have) it all. I kept complaining that I only ran into players and couldn't find a good stable man even if I had looks, brain, job, financially secure, freedom etc. All this time I was the source of my own problem. My lips were saying I wished for a good man but I'd only give attention to hot and younger men. I finally found my good man but it took me many many dates with the wrong men to understand I was giving my attention to the wrong type of men. 1
SevenCity Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Been there done that. I had (have) it all. I kept complaining that I only ran into players and couldn't find a good stable man even if I had looks, brain, job, financially secure, freedom etc. All this time I was the source of my own problem. My lips were saying I wished for a good man but I'd only give attention to hot and younger men. I finally found my good man but it took me many many dates with the wrong men to understand I was giving my attention to the wrong type of men. What’s so fascinating about women in general is the very traits they claim they want are exactly the opposite of what causes attraction. - A good guy will make you a priority in your life, yet women are more attracted to men who don’t put them on a pedestal. - Women want a guy who is faithful, but are most attracted to guys with options. Guys with options will often leave if they find something better. - Women want a stable guy, but find one who prioritizes “fun” over saving for the future more attractive. A guy who lives within his means and doesn’t go out much is boring. When you ask a woman who she loved the deepest, the guy was usually an ahole. As women mature they tend to shift their priorities to a more stable man so they can settle down. The good news is as an attractive woman you will have plenty of options. You just have to learn who really cares about you as a person and who is just looking to get into your pants. 4
Iseult Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Not trying to pump myself up and put others down, but I have noticed this trend in my love life of being told how amazing I am and it not eventuating beyond that. It does get quite debilitating. Thoughts why? Maybe you're not as amazing as people say you are. Or, they're not as honest as you think them to be.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I have the same problem. I think there is just not much out there at a certain age. I often think I would find it easier to date if I lost my job and moved in with my parents - because that’s the level of single men using OLD sites where I live. If I take out all the unemployed men, shorter than me men, men going through messy divirces, broke men, men on the rebound, players/commintphobes, very unattractive men: there is simply nothing left.... I am also turned off by men that have children...I’m just not prepared to make any sacrifices for someone else’s children. If I wanted to do it, I would have had my own. I also feel that lot of divorced men that have children have already given their best years and finances to someone else. They end up living in cheap places, barely having enough money for 1 holiday per year...why do I have to suffer the consequences of their bad choices? I dunno, maybe it would feel less bleak if I met someone in real life and grown to care about them over time. But taking all that on from a stranger on a dating site? No thanks
CptInsano Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I have the same problem. I think there is just not much out there at a certain age. [...] I think it is largely your combination of your preferences with your age. Many men you'd find attractive will be in relationships and/or with kids. If men are single and without kids they might have good reasons, or not. Using OLD you are also using a method of dating that requires the least initial effort, and is easily available to the basement-dwellers you mentioned.
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