Downtown Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 Thanks Downtown, I looked at your posts and am starting to think that this may be the case too.May be the case??? Jay, you say above that you married the same woman you last posted about here at LoveShack two years ago -- at which time you repeatedly stated that she has BPD. Are you now saying that she may or may not have BPD? Wasn't she diagnosed as such by a professional?
Author jayinblue Posted February 23, 2018 Author Posted February 23, 2018 Hi Downtown, it is indeed the same person. She has been diagnosed as bipolar, but not borderline to my knowledge but I have never met her psychiatrist so I don’t know for sure..
Downtown Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 (edited) She has been diagnosed as bipolar, but not borderline to my knowledge.BPD is often misdiagnosed as bipolar. And, even if her bipolar diagnosis is correct, it is common for these two disorders to co-occur. A study of 35,000 American adults found that 47% of the women having a bipolar-1 episode in the past year (and 36% of those having bipolar-2) also suffer from full-blown BPD. See Table 2 at 2008 Study J Clin Psych. Moreover, even when BPD is properly diagnosed, therapists usually are loath to tell the patient the name of this disorder (because it often is not in the patient's best interests to be told). Edited February 23, 2018 by Downtown
BluesPower Posted February 23, 2018 Posted February 23, 2018 Anyone got any thoughts here? I feel like I am communicating with a brick wall. My brother, please listen... Yeah, I have got some thoughts here, and please understand that we are all trying to help you... Brother, you need to WAKE THE FU** UP. I cannot yell any louder over the internet. She is, has been, and will continue to lie to you. Why she does it, I have no idea. These letters make you look weak and pathetic in every way. Don't you think that if she was not cheating, and really wanted to be back with you she would be on her knees begging for you to not divorce her. Please understand that we here and LS have seen this a thousand times. Everything you are doing is wrong. Just divorce her and move on for god's sake...
Author jayinblue Posted February 23, 2018 Author Posted February 23, 2018 Thanks Blues, I know moving on is the right thing to do, just having a hard time getting myself there.
NopeNah Posted February 24, 2018 Posted February 24, 2018 just having a hard time getting myself there. Serious question.....were you this consumed while in the relationship? Was her every movement on your mind?..maybe you feel a tad insecure/weak things ended like this?..It sucks,buddy..I know it does. But..seriously..look at the big picture of 'it all'. Still trips me out how I "allowed" myself to be "blindsided" in past relationships. I knew 'she was mentally checking out',cheating,whatever, did I care to bother to address that issue until they/I ended it..NOPE..Just let that slide on by..Because "easier"..like a drunk drinking his problems 'away'..Dude..problems still there and you just pissed away $75 on booze(expensive drunk). Check your motives before EVER going back to someone. Also..keep your motives in check when with someone. Sidenote: The above rant was about myself and past relationships. Not doggin' on you.
lolablue17 Posted February 24, 2018 Posted February 24, 2018 You hande it great. Just out of curiosity, what explanation does she provide for having him in a fake name, other than "the fake name is from the period before you left, and after you left, I didn't bother to rename it?"
Author jayinblue Posted February 24, 2018 Author Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) Prayin - yes if I’m honest, I totally was consumed. It was always her stuff that came first. Her problems, her issues, why she wasn’t happy, etc. what blows my mind is I did things like give her access to my phone, emails, and everything when she started accusing me of having an affair. She like needed to see and review emails to be sent to my daughter’s mom, and I allowed it because well I loved her. But looking back on it, yes I should have stood way firmer on reasonable boundaries, but who knows... Lolablue - thanks, I wish I could say I agree, but fee like I am getting it all wrong lol... She has not given me an explanation. Other than to say that he was under the name because that is his dad’s name. She hinted that is what his friends call him (which I know is not true, he goes by Tony). She texted me yesterday and like an idiot I responded, and all now she will say is that he was a friend, is “much nicer” now, and that he thinks of her like his daughter (he older than her), and that while they talked occasionally, it was not a big deal, and she did because I wasn’t available to her. Really makes me feel great hearing my wife has “father figure” whatever with ex boyfriend. She was offering that to say she wasn’t romantically involved with him. But nothing kicks you in the shorts hearing that your wife will disregard you for father figure guy. Oh, and I’m somehow unreasonable for not getting how no big deal it was... Edited February 24, 2018 by jayinblue
lolablue17 Posted February 24, 2018 Posted February 24, 2018 I didn't mean you feel great, but the outcome is OK. Your decisions are good. You love her, and she possibely loves you in some way, but you should look at the bigger picture with 2 main issues. 1. She's a liar! it's not an assumption, it's a fact. She has no problem lying to you when it suitess her. The problem with living with a liar is that you can never tell when when will they lie and when will they tell you the truth. In her case she says she haven't done anything with him. It may be the truth, it may not. Her word means nothing. 2. She has the nature of accusing you for her actions and decisions. Lets say you believe her. What's next? in a year., 2 years, X years, things will not always be perfect, so every time thing will not be perfect, she might cheat on you, because when the cheater feel no guilt doing that, there are very little barriers on the path to cheat. She can always say "you haven't met my needs", and it's all because of you. lying and blame shifting are 2 very lousy character traits. And it's not going to go away. If you want to talk to her about something, talk about this.
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