clueless_4ever Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I've been on a few first dates now all through apps like Tinder and Bumble. None of my dates have ever led to a second date. I mean they were great dates and when they ended the guy always told me "I want to see you again" or "We should do this again". But I never get a second date. I find myself replaying the dates over and over in my head trying to figure out what I did wrong. I know I will never know why they never call. But I'm just wondering if anyone else goes through this and what you do about it? I don't know if anyone else feels this way about dating apps. I feel like it doesn't let people appreciate the fact that they are on a date with someone. Because they know if this girl isn't perfect, they can go back and get another date for the next day.
Iseult Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I know I will never know why they never call. Perhaps they are thinking the same thing about you. What are you doing proactively to make a second date happen? 2
Sbla22 Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I feel the same way right now. I posted recently about taking a break from OLD. I'm a 26 year old male. What happrens for me is I'll make a new Tinder account, make a real effort with photos and my 'About Me' section. I'll get around 20 matches the first week then after that I'll get about 2 matches a week if that, mostly fake scam accounts or someone about 20 miles away even though I have put in 6 miles or less as my filter. Today I swiped right on 30 women. Not one has matched with me...I'm not even swiping on the 7/10 for looks or above either. I honestly think that if women on there are so picky that they'll swipe left on me (I consider myself to be a 6/10, good job, educated, articulate, lots of different hobbies) then it feels pointless. At best I can get one first date every month and a half. I really feel like I should be able to get a couple of dates a week but seems so hard at the minute. I have been in your situation where the date feels like it's gone great, the other person intimates they want to see you again. Hell, one girl even text me before I got home trying to arrange a specific second date then when it was arranged became ridiculously flaky and eventually ghosted. As you say - a lot of people just write you off knowing they can get many more options. Particularly women. It's tough for guys - this is why I'm planning on trying Meetups or maybe Speed Dating to see if I have any more success.
Author clueless_4ever Posted February 13, 2018 Author Posted February 13, 2018 Perhaps they are thinking the same thing about you. What are you doing proactively to make a second date happen? I mean for my last date, he texted me immediately after our date and I replied telling him thank you, I had a great time, and we should do it again. Then he didn't reply. The next day, I texted him to start a conversation he replied. I messaged him back and then nothing. I know it's only been 2 days since the date but before the date he texted consistently throughout the day and now just disappeared... I don't think there's much I can do with this one without scaring him away.
lurker74 Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Here's the truth about OLD...it is extremely powerful because you know in the first conversation that there is already some attraction and that, short of lying jerks, the person is available. You can select someone from the comfort of your couch with little fear of humiliating rejection. But the other person gets that too and so it becomes an intense distraction from what would be the goal if you met organically: holding on long enough to find out if there is relationship potential there. In other words, it's not about you, it's about the fact that your dates have the entire world of possibility at their fingers and you are just one person, great though you may be. That is a lot of competition. Now, you could lament the fact that the right person shouldn't be distracted by the temptation of swiping and perhaps you are correct. But lamenting isn't going to get you what you want. Regardless of gender, my advice for OLD is that if you see someone you like (online or in RL), do not be idle. Do not ask once. Be the squeaky wheel until you get to the point where the other person no longer checks Bumble. That usually is three or four dates. Remember, the GOAL of OLD is to get off of OLD. And then, also remember that sometimes the other person didn't have a great time or wasn't attracted to you and they are just to scared or nice to say so. tl;dr: stay at it and try to be more aggressive in pushing for the next date.
Quagmire243 Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I've been doing online dating since March 2017. Messaged about 300 women. Less than 10 responded to the 1st message and only 3 exchanged more than one message. Zero led to actually meeting in person. Women have so many more options. There is nothing that sets me apart from any other guy. I have the personality of Napoleon Dynamite. With all that said, I would love it if a woman asked me out. Maybe just text him asking him on a second date. I would take whatever I say with a grain of salt because I lack the social skills necessary to date.
PinkCarnations Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 With online dating, I find it more important to be more assertive than you would dating someone you know outside of the dating app. That’s because the other person is as hesitant and vulnerable as you are and probably think you’re dating other people. You just gotta put yourself out there and don’t be afraid to show your interest. Push for the second date. Just straight up ask them for it. Also make sure you make a great first impression. Dress well, smell nice, smile a lot, ask questions, etc.
carhill Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I'm just wondering if anyone else goes through this and what you do about it? Oh, sure, a decade or more of it back in the day. A few women would be direct but the rest would just poof, back then easy since no internet. They'd simply stop answering the phone or let it go to the machine and not return the call. All part of dating when there are billions on the planet. The fortunate thing, in general, as a woman you will be approached in real life and online and get to choose among those who approach you, in addition to you having the choice to make first contact. After that, it's down to attraction and compatibility and IME that varies widely. Some people are widely attractive and others not so much. If trending to the latter, more interactions are needed to find a compatibly and mutually attractive partner. If it grows tiresome, take a break and focus on other stuff. It'll work out eventually.
ShyLove Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 When I was Online dating, I have heard lots of "we should do this again", "Talk to you/See you soon" only never to hear from them again. Most of them I wasn't too thrilled about anyway haha I have often agreed or have said the same out of just being "nice" as one of the above posters mentioned. I live in a big area so I got lots of dates Online but I do think lots of people online are on there for the wrong reasons and not really looking to date in a traditional way. I think many people on there are trying to get over an ex that they probably met in real life. I have heard so many of these stories and am shocked at how many people are willing to admit this on a date lol I even have coworkers who do the same. One girl was separated for 3 days and asked me to show her "how to Tinder" lol She obviously was not over her husband but she was looking for an easy distraction. And these aren't people in their early 20s. I also have coworkers who admit to using fake profiles and/or old pictures just bc they are bored and want some sort of attention. When a coworker told me she did this I was like "WHAT?! WHO DOES THAT??!" but apparently its normal..according to many other coworkers in my 13 story building lol Guys used to tell me that many women disappear after being asked out, I"m guessing this is one of the reasons why So anyway, what I'm saying is that the reasons most likely have nothing to do with you so don't be so hard on yourself OLD is a strange place that takes lots of patience. Oh one question though, do you actually look like your pictures? That's a pretty big deal with OLD.
winny Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I did OLD from late 2013 till late 2017 with numerous bad experiences before I met someone nice. You can check out my posts. So its a lot of hard work, disappointments.... heartbreak.
Highndry Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 In my opinion, if a guy never follows up to try to secure a second date with you he's not attracted. A guy who's attracted will ALWAYS try to get another date.
kendahke Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 the guy always told me "I want to see you again" or "We should do this again". . If he doesn't follow through before the end of the first date with expressed interest in seeing you again ALONG WITH a date and time in the moment, then he's just being pleasant and is making his exit. He's not that interested. But what about you---do you ever follow up with a time, place and activity (and as such, will pick up the check for it)?
newyorker11356 Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 If he doesn't follow through before the end of the first date with expressed interest in seeing you again ALONG WITH a date and time in the moment, then he's just being pleasant and is making his exit. He's not that interested. But what about you---do you ever follow up with a time, place and activity (and as such, will pick up the check for it)? Not necessarily. I'm a guy, but sometimes, I wait till after the end of the date, or the following day to ask for a 2nd date if I'm interested. That being said, I often will make jokingly remarks (not really joking that is =P) about planning a future date to this spot that we talked about before during the first date if I'm interested.
Iseult Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 I mean for my last date, he texted me immediately after our date and I replied telling him thank you, I had a great time, and we should do it again. Then he didn't reply. The next day, I texted him to start a conversation he replied. I messaged him back and then nothing. I know it's only been 2 days since the date but before the date he texted consistently throughout the day and now just disappeared... I don't think there's much I can do with this one without scaring him away. Ok, good job. You tried but he wasn't interested. It's too bad. Onward and upward!
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