Author Zoolander Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 LOOL she texted, "Hi hope you're well. Hope uni is treating you well. I just wanted to let you know that I'm seeing someone and i wanted you to hear it from me." The only reason she said it was cos she knew my friends would say something and tell me, which they did. I don't really know what to respond. One friend said to tell her i appreciate her telling me and another said just ignore what she said and tell her you'll drop her stuff off at her parents. I would've considered being friends with her if i felt like I could've done it and the reasons she told me werre genuine. But given the vagueness of the reasons she gave and all the mixed signals, it's clear they'd been speaking for a bit. So I don't really want to be friends any more either
Author Zoolander Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 She waited 9 whole weeks to connect with someone else? Wow. My ex had a new girl 3 days later o_O. Talk about a knife to the heart. Most can't just fess up that they are "over it" and instead make a number of other excuses for breaking up with you. It sucks but happens frequently unfortunately. Maybe there was some truth to her statement - mentally she was in a different place and wanted to move on :/ 3 days?! Man I'm quite a laid back guy but I would've lost it. And in reference to her statement, i think she was referring to mental health issues i had back in 2016 which i had completely overcome. She also bought back the fact i didnt tell her about my issues straightaway back in 2016 as a reason that i was "still not grown up", even though it was 14 months ago and i was in a much better place
Author Zoolander Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 I'm sorry you found out this way, OP. But at the same time, sometimes it allows us to see the person for who they really are - which in turn can expedite healing as you come to realize the person you once loved isn't there any longer. Yeah in my eyes she's not the same person she was anymore. I do wish her and the new guy well. I accepted that she was bound to get with someone else anyway, i just didn't think it would happen so soon.
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Yeah in my eyes she's not the same person she was anymore. I do wish her and the new guy well. I accepted that she was bound to get with someone else anyway, i just didn't think it would happen so soon. It sounds like you have a good handle on this and wish her well. To me, that is true love. When people wish bad on someone just because they feel they were done wrong, it makes me wonder how they could have really lived them. 2 months is quick, I agree. But, it does seem most relationships break up due to a third party. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 You say nothing. You know. Your buddy told you & she told you. What else is there? Do not respond. She's living her life. Live yours. She was emotionally done with your relationship before she broke up with you or she did swing right from you to him but with 9 weeks in between I don't see the immediacy you do. It doesn't matter though because she is no longer part of your life. If you think she was lying to you, use that anger to propel yourself forward to being over her. Anger is a more productive & empowering emotion than wallowing or self pity. All break ups suck. Trying to read the tea leaves just makes things worse, like picking at the emotional scabs. Hang in there. Do something to hide from the day after tomorrow & self soothe as much as possible. I recommend taping her photo to a dart board & throwing darts until her face is obliterated. Do not throw any darts -- real, verbal or emotional, at her. 3
springy Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 3 days?! Man I'm quite a laid back guy but I would've lost it. And in reference to her statement, i think she was referring to mental health issues i had back in 2016 which i had completely overcome. She also bought back the fact i didnt tell her about my issues straightaway back in 2016 as a reason that i was "still not grown up", even though it was 14 months ago and i was in a much better place Wonderful that you were able to overcome. Most likely it was an excuse. Some folks have their eye on someone else and need to make you out to be the bad guy in order to leave. You are resilient so I am confident you will overcome this breakup too! 2
CaliBabe Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Ignore! Don't give her the satisfaction of a response. Will do you no good. 1
Author Zoolander Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 Yeah thanks a lot guys. I decided not to reply. Nothing i say is going to matter and there's nothing for me to say anyway. I'm pretty sure her family will let her know when i drop her stuff off.
Author Zoolander Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 Hang in there. Do something to hide from the day after tomorrow & self soothe as much as possible. I recommend taping her photo to a dart board & throwing darts until her face is obliterated. Do not throw any darts -- real, verbal or emotional, at her. Haha that last paragraph made me laugh. Its my friends birthday party on Wednesday and I'm not really one to drunk text but I'll make sure i leave my phone with a good friend and not drink much in the first place. Since the break up, I haven't really been angry at her because I've taken everything she said at face value even if I've had my own doubts. And i get what you mean about you seeing the 9 weeks differently to me but in my eyes she's only known this guy since the start of October, 3 weeks before she called it quits and made me feel like i had major flaws. I know I'm not perfect but there was nothing that couldn't have been worked on. But yeah, I'm just glad i finally have some answers and hopefully it makes it easier to move on. We pretty much will run into each other when we're both back in our home town simply because the town centre is small and by that point hopefully im indifferent. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 The only "flaw" you have is you weren't him. College coeds are flakey & easily influenced by shiny objects -- whatever is "new." I know because I used to be one. You will be OK. Hang in there & good move giving your phone away you so can't drunk text. 1
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 So, what do you think the acceptable time is to wait before seeing someone after a breakup? Not to be considered monkey branching? 1
Author Zoolander Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 So, what do you think the acceptable time is to wait before seeing someone after a breakup? Not to be considered monkey branching? I think it varies on the relationship and the break up. A couple of weeks after the break up, she again reinforced how "i hadn't done anything wrong" and how she "lost hereelf in the relationship ". She also said fhat it would "be a while before she would be ready for a relationship again". I know that people work differently but this was only about 5 weeks before the new year and im assuming the ides of being with him popped into mind before the 1st of January. Given that i thought the relationship was going pretty well and yes there were ups and downs but that's normal in a relationship that's well beyond the honeymoon phase. We had booked a holiday in September for December so i just felt completely blindsided. I mean it is conceivable that the end of our relationship and this are unrelated but for me personally, i just can't see it. 1
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I was just curious. I have never been one to get into back to back relationships so I was wondering what would be viewed as acceptable compared to what would be viewed as overlapping or monkey branching.
Marc878 Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 You should block her number on your phone. 1
carhill Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I was just curious. I have never been one to get into back to back relationships so I was wondering what would be viewed as acceptable compared to what would be viewed as overlapping or monkey branching. Opinions vary on this but my experience is generally with married people and such would be grooming a replacement before any official separation or divorce filing. 'Grooming' would be either an actual affair or substantively determining mutual interest while still in an active and presumably monogamous marriage and then that interaction turning into a relationship once the spouse was out of the way/notified/filed on. 1
CrazyKatLady Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) Sorry...us women do some pretty dumb stuff sometimes...it is strange how good we are at communicating our needs to our children, the clerk at the department store, the movie usher selling us the tickets behind a wall of glass, the banker helping us with a loan, the staff at an education center or after school daycare, hospital workers...basically, all of my needs, as a woman, when I leave my front door at the start of the day, are met 98% successful and I leave these situations with the groceries I needed, or the car part that needed replacing at autozone gets fixed by the technician, or the pharmacy clerk hands me my Rx in a reasonable amount of time... What I am saying, is that women have conquered the outside world a long time ago-we have been communication impersonally in the public for over a 100 years now...but when it comes to having a deeply intimate bond and communicating our needs to a man or a partner of the same sex, even...we seem to be mostly inept from what I read in these forums and from my own experiences--how come women can't seem to get what they need from a man when they express it? Maybe we do not express it? Not sure...either way, I think I will stay single so that I don't have to be judged and so that I don't hurt a man either...I don't like hurting men, I always was happy with each one I dated, initially...but, I put it together-- Women get their needs met everyday, everywhere, by everyone they interact with--except the men or partner in their personal lives--it seems to be to much to handle for the man and the woman--to not get needs met instantly...it's a progression movement in society factor-that is it, mainly...it causes all these tiny cracks in the foundation that the individual who lives in the society, feels in social ways, such as that men and women are finding out that we are almost incapable of communicating basic simple needs to one another anymore since the feminist movement...just saying... Some day's I wonder why we ever wanted liberation when the one thing that could truly fulfill my heart's desire would be to find a man that loves me and wants to stay...that is what we were designed for anyway...the weaker vessel--we overthrew men and set out to conquer them...now we come running back to these forums, disgraced, in tears and wondering why in the heck decent guys like you, are just getting over us quicker and quicker and understand more than we do the need to move on and deal with it in time. Hope your dating life improves-you seem decent enough to me, it is no wonder you men are being more selective-because you have the reasoning to understand what can bring you longer lasting happiness. Good for you and good luck. Edited February 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Author Zoolander Posted February 13, 2018 Author Posted February 13, 2018 Sorry...us women do some pretty dumb stuff sometimes...it is strange how good we are at communicating our needs to our children, the clerk at the department store, the movie usher selling us the tickets behind a wall of glass, the banker helping us with a loan, the staff at an education center or after school daycare, hospital workers...basically, all of my needs, as a woman, when I leave my front door at the start of the day, are met 98% successful and I leave these situations with the groceries I needed, or the car part that needed replacing at autozone gets fixed by the technician, or the pharmacy clerk hands me my Rx in a reasonable amount of time... What I am saying, is that women have conquered the outside world a long time ago-we have been communication impersonally in the public for over a 100 years now...but when it comes to having a deeply intimate bond and communicating our needs to a man or a partner of the same sex, even...we seem to be mostly inept from what I read in these forums and from my own experiences--how come women can't seem to get what they need from a man when they express it? Maybe we do not express it? Not sure...either way, I think I will stay single so that I don't have to be judged and so that I don't hurt a man either...I don't like hurting men, I always was happy with each one I dated, initially...but, I put it together-- Women get their needs met everyday, everywhere, by everyone they interact with--except the men or partner in their personal lives--it seems to be to much to handle for the man and the woman--to not get needs met instantly...it's a progression movement in society factor-that is it, mainly...it causes all these tiny cracks in the foundation that the individual who lives in the society, feels in social ways, such as that men and women are finding out that we are almost incapable of communicating basic simple needs to one another anymore since the feminist movement...just saying... Some day's I wonder why we ever wanted liberation when the one thing that could truly fulfill my heart's desire would be to find a man that loves me and wants to stay...that is what we were designed for anyway...the weaker vessel--we overthrew men and set out to conquer them...now we come running back to these forums, disgraced, in tears and wondering why in the heck decent guys like you, are just getting over us quicker and quicker and understand more than we do the need to move on and deal with it in time. Hope your dating life improves-you seem decent enough to me, it is no wonder you men are being more selective-because you have the reasoning to understand what can bring you longer lasting happiness. Good for you and good luck. I think it's a both gender thing, but I have seen it more with my female friends than male ones. I'm not really sure what it is. The most frustrating bit is that no one is perfect. She has her flaws just as you and I have mine. But we understand that relationships are a work in progress. It's kind of a kick in the teeth that only 2 weeks before the break up I had spoken to her about how I'd been thinking about my flaws and how I wanted to improve myself and set out some paths on how I would do that. Perhaps she thought they were just meaningless words or saw less flaws in the new guy.
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) Perhaps she thought they were just meaningless words or saw less flaws in the new guy. I can only speak for myself, but I can't "rate" people I like/love by the kind/number of flaws they have. I guess some people do that, it is very analytical, and possibly a better way to discern a potential mate. But, for me... if I feel it, then I feel it.... and almost nothing is going to change that for me. It can even be to a fault. When I love someone, I have never stopped loving someone. I may not be with them, and it may not have worked out, but the love is still there. On the other side of the coin, I have had two women who were "perfect" on paper. But, I didn't feel it. I can't fabricate feelings and I can't "un-fabricate" them either. It is either there or not. Edited February 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote 1
NopeNah Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I'd block her from contacting you without saying anything to anyone about it. 1
Author Zoolander Posted February 14, 2018 Author Posted February 14, 2018 I can only speak for myself, but I can't "rate" people I like/love by the kind/number of flaws they have. I guess some people do that, it is very analytical, and possibly a better way to discern a potential mate. But, for me... if I feel it, then I feel it.... and almost nothing is going to change that for me. It can even be to a fault. When I love someone, I have never stopped loving someone. I may not be with them, and it may not have worked out, but the love is still there. On the other side of the coin, I have had two women who were "perfect" on paper. But, I didn't feel it. I can't fabricate feelings and I can't "un-fabricate" them either. It is either there or not. Yeah exactly. I can understand losing small feelings for someone you barely know i.e a crush. But when it comes to "love", i don't really understand how youncan just switch it off one day. Surely if the S.O was acting in an unattractive manner and you "loved" the person, you would tell them about it and try and make the relationship work. Perhaps i am speaking from a biased point of view and a lack of experience though
William Posted February 14, 2018 Posted February 14, 2018 Moderation merged five threads on a similar topic, a break-up and aftermath. Please continue the discussion in this thread. There may be some duplicate content. Thanks!
Recommended Posts