Kkristine Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I've been dating a guy on and off for about 3 months now. Things have progressed, but unfortunately, he is applying for jobs in 6 months. A "take what you can get" situation that will likely leave him hundreds of miles away. He's now stepping back, but still wants to spend time together. However, he keeps throwing things out there to push me away. He's joked multiple times that if we don't work out, he can set me up with his friend. He also told me to start dating more and to basically not "put all my eggs in one basket." when I told him I don't talk to multiple people at once. I knew this going into it, but his demeanor towards me has completely changed in the past couple of weeks. He's still affectionate and everything, but has been stepping back quite a bit even though we still spend about the same time together. He's very blunt, so I feel like if there was something else, he'd tell me. But, he keeps throwing out the old... "I don't want to start anything or hurt you when I don't know where my life will be in 6 months." I don't know what to do. It's 6 months from now. Who knows where we will be? My feelings have grown so much...
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 If you can't reign in your feelings you might as well break this off now. If you can keep a lid on your own emotions sit him down & talk about the fact that you understand what he's doing -- trying to soften the blow when he has to go later. But remind him that 6 months is a long way off & a lot can happen. You would prefer to enjoy what you have now & cross the break up bridge later if you have to. He might get a job locally; you never know. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 He's putting up barriers because he doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him. I think he's being honest that he doesn't know where he'll be in 6 months, but I also have a hunch that he's not as invested anyway, unfortunately. A guy who is really into you isn't going to be encouraging you to date others. 2
Zahara Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I've been dating a guy on and off for about 3 months now. Things have progressed, but unfortunately, he is applying for jobs in 6 months. A "take what you can get" situation that will likely leave him hundreds of miles away. He's now stepping back, but still wants to spend time together. However, he keeps throwing things out there to push me away. He's joked multiple times that if we don't work out, he can set me up with his friend. He also told me to start dating more and to basically not "put all my eggs in one basket." when I told him I don't talk to multiple people at once. I knew this going into it, but his demeanor towards me has completely changed in the past couple of weeks. He's still affectionate and everything, but has been stepping back quite a bit even though we still spend about the same time together. He's very blunt, so I feel like if there was something else, he'd tell me. But, he keeps throwing out the old... "I don't want to start anything or hurt you when I don't know where my life will be in 6 months." I don't know what to do. It's 6 months from now. Who knows where we will be? My feelings have grown so much... The best thing for you to do is to end it now. It can't have progressed much if for 3 months you have been on and off. He's clearly not that interested. You're just prolonging your pain if you remain in contact. His comments to you are his way of managing down your expectations. He likely knows you are attached and he's trying to create a wall so that you accept the reality of the situation. A guy that is interested in you won't be pushing you to his friends. 1
Author Kkristine Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 The best thing for you to do is to end it now. It can't have progressed much if for 3 months you have been on and off. He's clearly not that interested. You're just prolonging your pain if you remain in contact. His comments to you are his way of managing down your expectations. He likely knows you are attached and he's trying to create a wall so that you accept the reality of the situation. A guy that is interested in you won't be pushing you to his friends. Well, I was on the fence a few weeks ago and actually pushed him away myself. I was scared because I realized I was developing feelings. Then, I came around, which was around the same time he himself started pushing back. Beforehand, he came on strong about his feelings. It's just a cluster..
act00 Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Ouch. First of all, at about milemarker three, it's about the time that a lot of new relationships make a natural split. It's about the time the honeymooon phase ends and people get real. They stop being less polite, and personalities flourish, and this is where you find personalities may simply clash. You and he have the added bonus of an insecure and unknown future in regards to job and location. He's looking for work and willing to relocate (he may not have a choice but to relocate), and you and he aren't even in a place where you have to consider the other person the way long-term and marrieds do. I think you understand his place in that he doesn't want to get too attached during an uncertain time in his life when he may have to leave you...he cares about you that way, and it will hurt him too. You? I'm not sure about you. Are you able to pursue a relationship with him and then he ups and moves? You may be thinking, we don't know what's going to happen in six months...but you have to understand, this whole thing ends potentially ends next June...he's packing up and moving. Given the timing and his attitude, I don't know if he's breaking it off or pulling back because things aren't really working for him, and he's using a potential move as an excuse, or if he genuinely just does not want to get involved during this time of uncertainty and hurt you (and himself) in the process. I think if you can accept purely casual, you can maintain, but honestly, you're so much attached to him with heart-shaped eyes and future, and he's not "in it" and you're going to get your heart stomped on...he doesn't want the serious while you do...you're on two different planes, and you should seriously consider making a clean split. I think the signs are there.
callmegm Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Based on experience, I don't think it's worth it. Having an obvious end-date just makes the whole relationship harder. I'm especially wary of his "don't put all your eggs in one basket" type of thing. Because he's obviously doing the very same thing.
Recommended Posts