calleighwolfe Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 Hello. I'm a newbie here and I nee some advice I haven't had a relationship in a while. Some years ago I met a guy at work who became my friend, now we talked about almost everything, but like a month ago he started to behave diferently towards me, he started talking about how he is a nice guy to be a boyfriend, how he cooks and knows a lot of stuff, he's been more caring towards me, he worries about my well being, and like two weeks ago he even started to wish me good night and send me kisses through whatsapp and SMS from time to time, he even started talking about how wonderful it'd be to be married cause we know each other pretty well, he even touches me more (nothing disrespectful). And he had never done that and I really like it and him. I've taken all the comments half jokingly half seriously, but last week I told him that if he wanted to have something with me (half joking half serious just like he talks) he needed to do the work cause we've known each other as friends and not as a couple (I think it'd be different). He even sent me some kisses one day I couldn't make it to the office, and I didn't answer, I just kept talking like nothing happened cause I didn't know what to answer . Now we have a long weekend, we talked two days ago but my last messages didn't get to him (just one tick in whatsapp) and I don't know what to do, should I write him? should I wait to see him at work? should I pretend nothing happened? I don't wanna give him the wrong signals of being needy or on the contrary that I reject his advances (which I think I already did by not answering to the kisses ). It sounds silly now that I'm writing it, but I really wanna do this the right way. So: Should I keep waiting to see if he's serious or it's only joking?, If he sends me kisses and stuff what should I answer? I'd like to answer in a way that lets him know that I'm interested. Thanks for everything Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 I think you're right not to take him seriously right now. Personally, I wouldn't reciprocate what he is saying either if he's not actually asking you out on dates. It's all just fluff until he shows you with actions he means what he says. Link to post Share on other sites
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 Hello. I'm a newbie here and I nee some advice I haven't had a relationship in a while. Some years ago I met a guy at work who became my friend, now we talked about almost everything, but like a month ago he started to behave diferently towards me, he started talking about how he is a nice guy to be a boyfriend, how he cooks and knows a lot of stuff, he's been more caring towards me, he worries about my well being, and like two weeks ago he even started to wish me good night and send me kisses through whatsapp and SMS from time to time, he even started talking about how wonderful it'd be to be married cause we know each other pretty well, he even touches me more (nothing disrespectful). And he had never done that and I really like it and him. I've taken all the comments half jokingly half seriously, but last week I told him that if he wanted to have something with me (half joking half serious just like he talks) he needed to do the work cause we've known each other as friends and not as a couple (I think it'd be different). He even sent me some kisses one day I couldn't make it to the office, and I didn't answer, I just kept talking like nothing happened cause I didn't know what to answer . Now we have a long weekend, we talked two days ago but my last messages didn't get to him (just one tick in whatsapp) and I don't know what to do, should I write him? should I wait to see him at work? should I pretend nothing happened? I don't wanna give him the wrong signals of being needy or on the contrary that I reject his advances (which I think I already did by not answering to the kisses ). It sounds silly now that I'm writing it, but I really wanna do this the right way. So: Should I keep waiting to see if he's serious or it's only joking?, If he sends me kisses and stuff what should I answer? I'd like to answer in a way that lets him know that I'm interested. Thanks for everything He's serious. He finally found the courage to let you know how he really feels. Now it feels creepy to you because you've thought of him as a friend for so long. One of the hardest things for 99% of men, especially young men, to do is to let a woman whom they really like know that they desire them sexually. They are afraid that they'll mess up the relationship by doing so. So they engage in deception until they finally work up the courage to let her know how they really feel. By then it's often a shock to the girl who believed that the relationship was entirely different. Newsflash ladies! It's very rare for a healthy straight male to just want to be your friend. I'm sure it happens occasionally, but I've never seen it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author calleighwolfe Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) I think you're right not to take him seriously right now. Personally, I wouldn't reciprocate what he is saying either if he's not actually asking you out on dates. It's all just fluff until he shows you with actions he means what he says. Thanks We're both kind of introvert, so that part doesn't scare me that much, I thought that maybe when he works up more courage he will ask me out, but yeah I wanna be sure of his intentions. He's serious. He finally found the courage to let you know how he really feels. Now it feels creepy to you because you've thought of him as a friend for so long. One of the hardest things for 99% of men, especially young men, to do is to let a woman whom they really like know that they desire them sexually. They are afraid that they'll mess up the relationship by doing so. So they engage in deception until they finally work up the courage to let her know how they really feel. By then it's often a shock to the girl who believed that the relationship was entirely different. Newsflash ladies! It's very rare for a healthy straight male to just want to be your friend. I'm sure it happens occasionally, but I've never seen it. Does it feel creepy to me? Good question! Maybe that's why I feel like this but I like him, really, and if he's serious, it's okay to me, I want it too, I've thought about him as a boyfriend before. Now if he's really working up his courage to let me know his feelings I don't wanna ruin it and I'm scared that my lack of answer has kinda scare him of, on the other hand if he really likes me he wouldn't let that back off so easily, right?, but I don't want him to take me for granted just because we're friends, dating is a different territory and I think we need to explore it properly. How should I behave now on? What should I say if he send me kisses or a nice good night message? (I see it in the morning most of the times hahaha) Thanks again Edited February 13, 2018 by calleighwolfe Link to post Share on other sites
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 You need to indirectly let him know that you are interested in him as more than a friend. It seems to me that he's simply afraid to make the move, either of being rejected or scaring you off. He's trying to feel his way slowly. Don't be too direct. Use hints. Make him use his imagination. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 If one of your responses didn't go through, why not say so? "I wrote back but WhatApp failed me, so again, <whatever your response was>" When you see a text doesn't go through, how is it a mystery on whether or not to send a new one? I don't get it. You're interested in him romantically, and he's sending kissy emoji's...send him one back...hint, hint. Say goodnight back. Getting involved with a coworker is a slippery slope. Figure out whether you want to pursue this and go from there. He's putting out the feelers as well, and you need to show some reciprocation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author calleighwolfe Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 Thank you guys! Maybe that's the problem, I'm putting too mystery on something that should be easier given that it seems that we like each other :S. I'll try to be more light about it. And we're still friends! I should be able to be more open with him! Hints... okay. God I'm so bad at this hahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Thank you guys! Hints... okay. God I'm so bad at this hahaha. It's a skill all women were adept at when I was young. Mothers taught such skills to their daughters. That was in the days before the culture was wrecked by all of the various "isims." Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) Mothers taught such skills to their daughters. That was in the days before the culture was wrecked by all of the various "isims." What are you talking about? A lot of mothers also didn't teach their daughters manipulation tactics. Edited February 13, 2018 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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