Trusting a new girlfriend ..

[gbe2015]

So I've been dating a women for a couple months now, everything is going great, we've slept together, I stay at her place on weekends etc

 

However she's gone a trip this week to visit a female friend of hers (5 days) which just happens to be during Valentines day.

 

I have no way of verifying she is where she says she is and if she is in fact with her female friend.

 

She says she made these plans before she met me at a time when they were both single (it's at a resort).

 

I've tried to play it cool and told her to have a good time. I said to have fun and don't feel the need to check in with me, just enjoy the trip and I'll see her when she gets back.

 

But truth is, I've only known this woman 2 months .. and I only know what she's told me. To date she's never lied to me about anything (that I'm aware of) but still .. gone for 5 days during Valentines? It's hard for me not to wonder a little bit if she's lying ..

 

If she's going to cheat it'll happen regardless if I worry about it or not so I try to keep my mind on other things ... but the mind wanders sometimes ...

 

Am I crazy to trust her this much? Am I just setting myself up to get hurt?

[Imajerk17]

Relax. In general there is nothing untoward about someone going on a trip for several days with a same-sex friend (just the two of them), and not bringing someone they have only been dating 2 months.

 

Chances are she made this trip with her friend on Valentine's Day when both were single. It would be rude for her to back out on her friend just because she is now dating someone (you).

Edited February 12, 2018 by Imajerk17

[d0nnivain]

Several months before I met my husband I made plans to go away on a cruise over New Years because I didn't want to be home facing a dateless NYE. I suspect your new lady made a similar deal to hide from V-Day with her friend too.

 

 

Ask if there is a way you can call or Skype on V-day. If you want to a real sport, have some chocolate covered strawberries or something delivered to her room at the resort

[dumbass2]

Well, sounds like you two are still just dating, so I don't think the word cheating is in play. Why would you not trust her? Something she's done or your past history with someone else? Do you not feel the same level of interest from her?

[gbe2015]

Well, sounds like you two are still just dating, so I don't think the word cheating is in play. Why would you not trust her? Something she's done or your past history with someone else? Do you not feel the same level of interest from her?

 

She's done nothing to make me not trust her .. up to this point I felt my trust for her was 100%. Just the last day or two a little voice in my head is going 'but what if...' This must be triggering a trust issue in me that I need to work on & resolve.

[Gaeta]

JUST because this Wednesday is Valentines's Day? That's all it took to shake your trust in her? Women go wild on Valentine's night or something?

[Imajerk17]

JUST because this Wednesday is Valentines's Day? That's all it took to shake your trust in her? Women go wild on Valentine's night or something?

 

 

I dunno maybe the thinking is that guys will try to hit on her and her friend when they go out on Wednesday, and OP's new girlfriend will be that much more susceptible to that just because it is Valentine's Day

 

OP, you've been dating for 2 months. It's ONLY two months, it's quite appropriate for her to take a vacation with another female friend without her inviting you. Especially w her single friend on Valentine's Day to get away from it all. Meanwhile you have to trust that her interest in you is strong enough to resist being hit on by a random guy (which can happen any time). Because if it is not, then it won't last.

[gbe2015]

JUST because this Wednesday is Valentines's Day? That's all it took to shake your trust in her? Women go wild on Valentine's night or something?

 

lol .. point well made

[act00]

February 14th is just a DAY and despite the ads all over the place, there are a LOT of people who really don't care and would rather just avoid the whole lot of it.

 

She made a plan with her girlfriend and then she met you. They may have planned this as two single girls who are saying F-you to V-Day and being single!

 

What are you expecting her to do? Cancel her plans, eat the cost of deposits, destroy a fun adventure with a girlfriend because she has a guy now and her girlfriend is left with no vacation or going alone because your girlfriend is required to dump her life for her man and blow off her friends as a result?

 

Grow up.

 

You've dated for a mere two months, and if she's into you, she won't be hooking up with some random dude.

 

Don't be "that guy." The controlling, manipulative, and jealous man who has a temper tantrum when he doesn't have his girl under lock and key. If you can't function with your woman having a life outside of you, you need to seek therapy.

 

There are no guarantees that this relationship is going to go the long term, and you're only two months in. You can drop the rope at any time if you feel she's a flirt and untrustworthy. You have no reason to believe otherwise. Unfortunately there's no crystal ball and you have no way of knowing her antics, her trustworthiness, or the future of this relationship...one day at a time.

 

I understand your anxiety, but you have to let bygones be bygones and don't get yourself all worked up about a Wednesday in February that was planned weeks ago.

[Poutrew]

Your biggest clue as to what happened on this trip will be how she acts when she gets back. If she seems to be avoiding the subject of the trip, or is acting distant or 'forgetful', then well, you were only dating her a short while. No huge loss at this point. And, don't forget, she may be having a blast during her trip, but that doesn't mean you have to be sitting at home wringing your hands and eating a turkey TV dinner...

[I'veseenbetterlol]

So I've been dating a women for a couple months now, everything is going great, we've slept together, I stay at her place on weekends etc

 

However she's gone a trip this week to visit a female friend of hers (5 days) which just happens to be during Valentines day.

 

I have no way of verifying she is where she says she is and if she is in fact with her female friend.

 

She says she made these plans before she met me at a time when they were both single (it's at a resort).

 

I've tried to play it cool and told her to have a good time. I said to have fun and don't feel the need to check in with me, just enjoy the trip and I'll see her when she gets back.

 

But truth is, I've only known this woman 2 months .. and I only know what she's told me. To date she's never lied to me about anything (that I'm aware of) but still .. gone for 5 days during Valentines? It's hard for me not to wonder a little bit if she's lying ..

 

If she's going to cheat it'll happen regardless if I worry about it or not so I try to keep my mind on other things ... but the mind wanders sometimes ...

 

Am I crazy to trust her this much? Am I just setting myself up to get hurt?

 

No you aren't crazy. When I met my bf, he had already planned 2 trips w/his friend (I did meet this friend). I wasn't thrilled, but up to those dates (and now), he hasn't lied to me. He came back from those trips acting exactly the same. Trust her unless she starts acting different.