Better Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I'm in a committed relationship, but I was recently contacted by a friend who is doing a lot of on-line dating. He sent me a link to someone he found there and asked me if it was my ex. He wasn't sure because he knew my ex was in her forties but she was listed as being in her thirties. Clearly it was, but she has listed her age as six years younger. Is this common in the OLD world? I know she is looking for a long term committed relationship. It seems like if she was to find one there, it could cause problems down the line when she would eventually have to admit that she wasn't the age she listed in her profile. FWIW, my friend was a strong pass on her, mostly due to my prior experience with her. But he also said that even without that knowledge he wouldn't continue on with someone who had lied about their age, at least by that much.
kendahke Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 You never know until you begin dealing with them. He only knew this about her because he knew her through you---but yeah, pretty much anyone can lie about anything on OLD. Lies never stay hidden--they always burst to the surface when it's least convenient for the liar. She may think she can't get younger men (or older men) if she's truthful about how old she is... but one look at her driver's license will out her (or one of her frenemies), so what's the point in lying about it?
hippychick3 Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I never lied about my age or used old pics when I was doing OLD. But, I met several men who did this. It was a complete turn off and “next” for me. 2
winny Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Is this common in the OLD world? Did you just land on earth from another planet??? LOL The online world is full of fakes and lying about age is actually a pretty harmless lie compared to some of the BS people have pulled off thru their fake profiles on dating websites or otherwise. 2
central Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 It's well known that women often lie about their age and weight, and men lie about their height. Age is an important consideration for many people, unless they are only seeking casual dating - if you can get away with saying you're younger, and it gets you better dates, why not (especially if the other person doesn't care, because they want casual, too)? Height and weight are harder to conceal in person, though. IMO, it's best to just be honest. I wouldn't care if someone lied about age, if I didn't plan to seek a relationship with them. If I did, it would probably be a deal breaker if it were a serious distortion or reality. I'd wonder how else they're dishonest.
Gaeta Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Yes it's common online but there are still people that are dating with integrity and post their real age. Once I had a relationship with a man that had lies about his age on his profile. He had listed 40 when he was 45. At that time I was a bit naive and I forgave him. Turned out he lied often, about all sort of stuffs, all of the years we were dating. You're honest or you're not, there is no in-between. 1
littleblackheart Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Why are you concerned about what your ex is doing online? Your friend isn't interested and you're in a committed relationship so that's not really your problem, no? 2
Author Better Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 Thank you for the responses. I am not concerned, but was curious when my friend asked me. Having not done the on-line dating thing in many years but having seen some of the horror stories, I would be unlikely to try it even if my current relationship didn't work out. My friend asked me the question and I knew I could find an answer here. It sounds like this is common and I will convey that back to him.
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I'm 49 and damn proud of my age and how I look for being an 'old' lady. I'm officially off the market these days but up until my last short stint online, I've never lied about my age for any reason. Just never felt a need to present myself as anyone but myself. That being said, what I started to notice as a woman of advanced years, that there was this magical or ideal age range set on many male profiles (women do this too). That cap is usually 45 for women regardless of the age of the men. So what does this mean? First, it means there are lots of men still interested in women in their forties! But it also means any woman standing just outside that magical circle will never show up on a great majority of male searches no matter how attractive or ideal of a partner they might be. My last OLD experience I started out posting as usual and then decided to see what would happen if I adjusted my age to fit within that magic range. I figured I was just a couple of years older but have been told I could pass for someone 10 years younger. I was curious to see what kind of difference it would make, if at all. And so I did and it made all the difference in terms of the attention I received. That being said, every man I conversed with on any significant level, I revealed my age immediately. I couldn't bare not being completely straight up since I had never misrepresented myself before. Thankfully, it didn't phase any of them. If they were interested in someone who was 45, they were just as interested in someone who was 47 or 48. After a certain point, a couple of years either way isn't a big deal. I can't speak to every woman's reason for lying about their age but it was an interesting experiment and opened my eyes about online dating as a mature woman. Same goes for men. There is a stigma or rather an expiry date for older men and women where options drop off significantly no matter how small the gap. Pretty much sucks when you think about it. And for the record, men may not necessarily lie about their age (although many do), they certainly lie about a great many things. Lying and/or misrepresenting themselves isn't reserved only for the ladies in cyberspace. 1
winny Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 It's well known that women often lie about their age and weight, and men lie about their height. Yeah true, its funny how many men lie about their height. I don't take it seriously though, because all these kind of lies about age, weight and height, comes from deep routed insecurities which are a result of the society we live in. Which judges women and men a lotttt on these parameters.
winny Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 You're honest or you're not, there is no in-between. Life isn't so black and white. 1
preraph Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Not that it's any justification, but women over 35 have so much trouble getting men that she probably lied for that reason. I've heard lots of complaints, more than with women, that older men will lie and say they're like 20 years younger and put up old photos that they seriously think they still look like, so I guess it's a common problem. Then they ask out some 20 year old. 1
Gaeta Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Life isn't so black and white. We're not talking about life, we're talking about putting your right age on a profile. I am 52. I am not 50, not 45 or 55. The only answer to the question *age* is 52. There is no grey zone here. I was online from age 47 to 50. I don't look like it. I was told many times by online men I should put 10 years younger as I don't look my age. You know what I answered? I may not look 50 but my body is 50, my brain is 50 and my heart is 50. My experience, my expectations, needs and dreams are those of a 50 years old, not 40.
winny Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 There was a difficult time in my life, when my younger sister got married while I am not yet. While I was happy for her, it was hard to answer questions from people as to why am I not married. They would look at me as if asking - Whats wrong with her??!! So whenever I met new people, who assumed that my sister is older and I am younger, based on our marital statuses, I didn't correct them. It was just easier that way. How many people can I explain to that oh yeah I got dumped 1000 times? I was not honest with those people. And I am not ashamed of how I dealt with that situation. Life puts us in situations for which sometimes we are not prepared for... and we have to deal with it. Sometimes we are weak and lie, because at that point we don't have the strength to face people and tell the truth... to face what just happened. And that's totally all right. A divorced middle aged woman would have the least success rate on an online dating site. It would break her confidence even further. I don't blame her if she reduced her age to get more attention or to fit in better. And who knows, just like someone said above, she maybe revealing her true age when she starts to speak to someone. It's really easy to judge someone when you have not been in their place and have had the experiences they have.
winny Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 We're not talking about life, we're talking about putting your right age on a profile. I am 52. I am not 50, not 45 or 55. The only answer to the question *age* is 52. There is no grey zone here. I was online from age 47 to 50. I don't look like it. I was told many times by online men I should put 10 years younger as I don't look my age. You know what I answered? I may not look 50 but my body is 50, my brain is 50 and my heart is 50. My experience, my expectations, needs and dreams are those of a 50 years old, not 40. Of course there is a right answer to many questions. But there might be a reason why someone did not choose to give the right answer. You can refer to my post to see why I did not choose to speak the truth at one point in my life.
dumbass2 Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Sometimes people might lie about their age a bit on dating sites because of searches. I understand it to a point. Someone puts on that they are 39 instead of 40 it may allow them more compatible matches. More then a year though might be a turn off. I also saw in the past a few women state in the written section that they are for example, 50 and not 49. I use to get more frustrated with old photos more then fibbing a year on age. Nothing worse then someone showing up and you not fully recognizing them and feel duped. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Sometimes people might lie about their age a bit on dating sites because of searches. I understand it to a point. Someone puts on that they are 39 instead of 40 it may allow them more compatible matches. More then a year though might be a turn off. I also saw in the past a few women state in the written section that they are for example, 50 and not 49. I use to get more frustrated with old photos more then fibbing a year on age. Nothing worse then someone showing up and you not fully recognizing them and feel duped. Agreed. I'm one who believes age is really just a number. Of course, when you're doing the OLD, you're asked to put in an ideal age range, which I have been guilty of doing as well. That being said, my attraction is fluid depending on the person. Unfortunately, online is a challenging vehicle for such fluidity to blossom. I think the search criteria is a big factor why some men and women fib about their age, provided it's not some obscene gap and they can actually pull it off. It's also one thing to fib initially and then come clean and another thing to continue with the lie indefinitely. Attraction is subjective. How I may feel about my looks and the age range I think I can pull off is my personal opinion and not necessarily one that is shared by others. And vice versa. Unless you're someone looking to start a family or are a serious ageist, age, isn't or shouldn't be that big of a deal. What is more frustrating is the use of old photos or lack of photos on so many dating profiles anymore. I mean, what's the point?
Gaeta Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Of course there is a right answer to many questions. But there might be a reason why someone did not choose to give the right answer. You can refer to my post to see why I did not choose to speak the truth at one point in my life. nah, there is no good reasons in my book. Own who you are, if you cannot than dating may not be what you need at the moment.
Jj66 Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 My fiancée had an incorrect age on her profile that understated her age by 8 years! She saved the relationship by not lying when I asked her point blank how old she was after the time line she gave me on sonething did not add up. She claimed it was because she entered an incorrect birthday on Facebook in order to help protect her identity. The dating site grabbed her birthday information from Facebook. She just decided to leave it the way it was rather than change Facebook. I didn't know whether to believe her or not. I was really on the lookout for other misleading things after I discovered this deception but more deceptions came.
JuneL Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 Of course it's BS! First, you can easily hide your birth year (or bday, for that matter) on fb, if you don't want people to know your age; second, you can just hide everything from everybody on fb except your friends. My fiancée had an incorrect age on her profile that understated her age by 8 years! She saved the relationship by not lying when I asked her point blank how old she was after the time line she gave me on sonething did not add up. She claimed it was because she entered an incorrect birthday on Facebook in order to help protect her identity. The dating site grabbed her birthday information from Facebook. She just decided to leave it the way it was rather than change Facebook. I didn't know whether to believe her or not. I was really on the lookout for other misleading things after I discovered this deception but more deceptions came.
Jj66 Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 That assumes you actually trust Facebook security. The only way to hide it from Facebook itself is to give incorrect information.
littleblackheart Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 That assumes you actually trust Facebook security. The only way to hide it from Facebook itself is to give incorrect information. I find this a little confusing. Sorry if that seems like an obvious thing to you but I'd like to ask: to what purpose would you try and hide your dob from facebook when you've given them your real name, out of curiosity? 2
JuneL Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I find this a little confusing. Sorry if that seems like an obvious thing to you but I'd like to ask: to what purpose would you try and hide your dob from facebook when you've given them your real name, out of curiosity? The more he wrote, the more BS I thought her excuse was. But as long as there are people out there who believe her BS, I guess...
kendahke Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I never lied about my age or used old pics when I was doing OLD. But, I met several men who did this. It was a complete turn off and “next” for me. My experience, too. Most men I've dealt with on OLD lied about something that became glaring within weeks--their age, their pics, their health, their finances, being drug/alcohol free, being done with ex's. I suppose once they get to their 50's they do this. Can't speak on the young'uns.
joseb Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) I have an incorrect age on tinder for a very simple reason. If I didn't, my profile would not appear to the vast majority of women on there. If I fudge the numbers a bit, I get shown to a lot lot more. If I meet up, and they ask, I always tell them my correct age. Not once has it lead to them ditching me (some expressed mild annoyance). I disagree with the whole idea that you are either a liar, or you are not. We all lie every day. Here are a few. How's your day? Good. Even though it isn't really. I'm so excited to work for xyz company. (You just need the job, and the company was hiring in your field) Yes everything's ok (food was so-so, but you are on a date and don't want to look like a moany git) Oh my, your baby is so cute. And answers to Does my bum look big in this? Do you look at porn? (actually I can tell the truth on this one!) Do you have any spare change? How much money do you make? (If I can't avoid answering it, I will lie) And 100s more I can't be bother thinking of. Now I know age is an actual real thing, and to some people it's a big deal. And perhaps if I was looking to meet someone and have kids, then age would be a factor. But I am not, so it isn't. Edited February 13, 2018 by joseb
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