JS17 Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 So, I met this guy online but NOT on a dating site. I'm not a big fan of those. I've never met someone online before and I have no idea what to do. We've been im-ing a lot over the past month or so. No phone conversations and no meetings. I didn't have much of an interest in him at first but I got to know him a little bit and he seems pretty cool. I have no idea if we have any chemistry and I have no idea if a relationship could work. I think that there's little intimacy in email/im so I'm not sure how well I know this guy but I know I'm not opposed to getting to know him. How do things progress from this step in the online dating world and do I risk this friendship?
alphamale Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 I think that there's little intimacy in email/im so I'm not sure how well I know this guy don't kid yourself into thinging there is a "relationship" here, JS17. You have not even talked on the phone or met him in person. "He" could be a 13 year old girl having fun 'n games.....
Author JS17 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 that's my point. there isn't a relationship. he's definitely not a 13 year old girl playing games. i met him on a myspace/friendster type site. my question to everyone was you progress into real life.
alphamale Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 i met him on a myspace/friendster type site. my question to everyone was you progress into real life. here are the next steps JS17, jeez, do I need to spell out everything - exchange photos over internet - exchange phone #s - talk on phone a few times but for not too long (like 15 or 20 min per time) - decide to meet sometime, set date and time - look in phonebook for nearest Applebees - meet at Applebees at designated date and time - eat, drink, talk - go home - watch Seinfeld rerun (or sex and the city, whatever) - go to sleep - wake up next day and decide if you want to see the clown again.
clandestinidad Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 hahahaha....funny alpha I've met people that way too, JS17.....dont kid yourself into thinking its not a dating site!!! Thats what most everyone is there for I'm wondering why this guy hasnt asked for your number yet, its been a while....usually they would after a week or 2. Maybe he's just being extremely cautious, but most guys wouldnt hesitate.....so my point is that maybe YOU SHOULD hesitate, something might be amiss
Author JS17 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale here are the next steps JS17, jeez, do I need to spell out everything thanks already seen the photos...step 1 done Originally posted by kat23 I'm wondering why this guy hasnt asked for your number yet, its been a while....usually they would after a week or 2. Maybe he's just being extremely cautious, but most guys wouldnt hesitate.....so my point is that maybe YOU SHOULD hesitate, something might be amiss welllll i did tell him that i was taking a break from dating , told him my recent sorry excuse for a history so he knows why i needed a breather. he told me his history, he broke up with his ex-gf realized that he made a mistake and tried to get her back but to no avail. i told him recently that i was going to start dating again. i can see why he would hesitate. i am also concerned that he's still hooked on his ex but that's kind of jumping the gun even though she'll never take him back. i kind of feel like maybe it's past the point and it's too late. i don't know. it's a very weird experience this internet dating thing.
tanbark813 Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 You'll also need to do drunken web cam strip shows.
Art_Critic Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 JS, He could still be hung up on his ex even if she doesn't want him back.. Just read LS by the way .. Go for it
alphamale Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer I have had CRAZY chemistry over the phone with some guys only to have ZILCH in person. yup....ain't that the truth SG??? one chick i talked to over the phone for a few weeks and she sounded so great and the chemistry was like totally there. Then in one phone convo she said she was a memeber of MENSA and I said to her something like "isn't that a group for nerds?" and she replies "oh, I'm not a nerd! ha ha ha" so i meet her at the bar a week later and lo and behold....she was a total nerd
Art_Critic Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer But then I'd meet him in person and he'd have a weird walk, a weird facial tick, bad breath, would not make eye contact, whatever, and it would all be blown. ALWAYS a major, major bummer. funny you never mention that the chemistry just wasn't there when you met .. you mention all superficial things But regardless the quicker you meet the better so you don't waste the time of either party.. Meeting in person is so much different
Author JS17 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 No drunken web cam strip shows! If it got to the point of my wanting to get together with him after we met then I would be worried about him not being over his ex. Until I get to that point I'm not going to worry about it. The one thing that I am worried about....not really worried but thinking about...is having no chemistry if we met in person. What I'm really concerned about now is how do I meet this guy and did I blow it by telling him when I was going through my non-dating period. In this case I think he should be the one to bring it up. Am I wrong?
Author JS17 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by Art_Critic funny you never mention that the chemistry just wasn't there when you met .. you mention all superficial things yeah I wouldn't reject someone for a weird walk or bad breath but I would if there was no chemistry. You can't force it if you don't feel anything it just won't work.
Outcast Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Nothing stops you from suggesting you two get together for a coffee sometime. You already gave him a number of 'don't approach' signals so it is in your court to reverse them. And if he doesn't bite, you won't die and the world won't end.
Author JS17 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 Thanks Outcast. That's kind of what I was looking for...to see if I had to make the move since I may have given "don't approach signals". He kind of did too though with the story of his ex. I've asked guys out before, why stop now?
Outcast Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 What makes chemistry? The spark. You like them, they turn you on, you can't wait to see them again. They don't necessarily turn you on. 'Chemistry' to me happens when I enjoy someone's company so much that I really want to see more of them. And sometimes there's that feeling as though you are both wearing magnets and you are drawn to each other. But sometimes that takes a little while to develop. And I don't know about you, but bad breath is much more than superficial. I just can't date someone with halitosis. It's a matter of hygiene. But halitosis can be situational. Every now and then you get a bit of something stuck between your teeth that you maybe didn't notice and which might cause a couple hours' halitosis but that may not be the person's normal state. A weird facial tick is also not superficial. Imagine yourself talking to someone, and every fifteen seconds their head quickly jolts to the shoulder and then back up again. If you were on the fence re: chemistry, that's bound to decrease it. That's much more than a 'wierd facial tic'. I have one friend who has a tic and after a little while you don't even see it.
Author JS17 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 first time i've ever been shot down!!! and i usually date guys way better looking. hmm. he did ask for a raincheck. we'll have to see.
Jayhawks Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 I've asked guys out before, why stop now? Way to go, JS. If you want to find out about him then someone is going to have to make a move and it really doesn't matter who. Yes, the guy should take the bull by the horns but if you really are intrigued by this guy there is nothing wrong in saying, "as much as I like talking to you on-line it would be so much more interesting to do it in person. Are you game?" If he balks then he's married or not worth your time. As for trying to keep him as a friend that is up to you. If he says no do you want a new friend?
Jayhawks Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 first time i've ever been shot down!!! and i usually date guys way better looking. hmm. he did ask for a raincheck. we'll have to see. Drop him. If he had interest he would make sure you knew how much he wanted it to happen.
FataMorgana Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 he did ask for a raincheck. we'll have to see. sorry to hear, but at least you know better where you stand now ( I hope) what did he say, no go to meet or just stop it all?
Author JS17 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 he just asked for a raincheck and continued on like nothing happened. well really he begged for a raincheck and i agreed and then continued on like nothing happened.
FataMorgana Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 so he just doesn't want to meet.... yet? what are you going to do? you know, now that you went that far anyway, you could just ask him why...to try to work out if not ready or not interested. that is if you can still be bothered.
Author JS17 Posted August 27, 2005 Author Posted August 27, 2005 He said he hurt his back. He's also playing golf tomorrow morning. (I have to get up early tomorrow too) He's acting overly excited to talk to me now. I don't know, maybe he really did just want a raincheck. I don't care. Whatever happens happens. It's not like i'm going to stop seeing other people yet.
Outcast Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Just because someone can't make the date and time which happens to be convenient for you doesn't mean he's not interested. You have to be reasonable. What did you say? 'Meet me NOW'?
Author JS17 Posted August 27, 2005 Author Posted August 27, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Just because someone can't make the date and time which happens to be convenient for you doesn't mean he's not interested. You have to be reasonable. What did you say? 'Meet me NOW'? wait, i'm not the one that said he's not interested! i said, he asked for a raincheck, i said yes, and we'll see what happens.
tanbark813 Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Don't take it so personally, JS. If this is only your first time then you still have a good track record. Guys have to deal with getting shot down all the time. Next...
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