winny Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 But I shouldn’t reach out to him again unless he reaches out to me, right? You should never reach out to him again and you should never respond to him again. End this please.
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I just highly doubt it...he's just an awkward physicist guy and honestly he doesn't even really know what he's doing in bed. Trust me I do respect him. The only reason i asked the previous question is because my friends are always asking me why I date weirdos. But I really can’t help it, they’re just who I’m attracted to. I really really don’t think he gets any sense of disrespect from me; I actually really admire him. You call this admiring someone? Respecting someone? If that is how you respect and admire a man I'd hate to see how you disrespect one. As to the first quote, I asked you earlier and you never answered, "What makes you think he can't get other girls? He got you, didn't he?"
Author Didyouknow96 Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 You call this admiring someone? Respecting someone? If that is how you respect and admire a man I'd hate to see how you disrespect one. As to the first quote, I asked you earlier and you never answered, "What makes you think he can't get other girls? He got you, didn't he?" Excuse me? That doesn’t even make sense. I’m a weirdo as well, but that does my mean I’m not aware of societal norms. My friends think he’s weird, they called him a weirdo, not me. I fail to see where you’re drawing the conclusion that I lack respect for him.
Author Didyouknow96 Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 You call this admiring someone? Respecting someone? If that is how you respect and admire a man I'd hate to see how you disrespect one. As to the first quote, I asked you earlier and you never answered, "What makes you think he can't get other girls? He got you, didn't he?" What makes me think that he can’t get other girls is that I met him through reddit and he literally told me I was the only girl who replied to his post. And also, I have aspergers so I’m generally drawn towards socially awkward people that stray from the norm. I’m super weird once you get to know me but externally I appear normal. I don’t have the luxury of working with a bunch of other heavy science nerds that don’t care how nicely you dress or how your hair looks. I work in psych research and everyone is very neurotypical and socially normative. My friends, who are neurotypical, think he’s weird. I can recognize that to my family and friends people like him would appear odd, but it doesn’t bother me personally. Also, I left for four months. If he has all these other girls at his disposal, why bother being in touch with me?
preraph Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 But the thing is, he's not surrounded by girls! He goes to a technical university and he's not even a student anymore...he spends most of his time building things out of wood or glass blowing or working in his physics lab that is literally all guys. Ugh makes no sense. Then he must simply not be very interested in you. Sorry. 1
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 So basically, I've been in a fwb with a guy since last May. We were seeing each other on and off for the summer, then he sort of disappeared and I was upset, but turns out it was just because his grandmother passed away so he had to go back to CA for her funeral (we go to college on the east coast). He reconnected with me a few months later, but I was studying abroad, and he kind of disappeared mid-conversation. I was upset again but just sort of shrugged it off. Then comes December and he texts me again with some lame excuse like oh hey sorry I was going through old texts and just saw this. I wasn't amused by the excuse, but I was sort of happy to hear from him. He was really sweet, asking how I'm doing, catching up, etc. So when I got back to college I went to see him. He was very kind when we were together. And honestly the sex was different this time, he was like kissing my forehead and being very loving and affectionate. It was a little strange and I was surprised. Next morning I go home, classes start and I'm really busy (he actually finished school last year and is just applying to grad programs now). So yesterday it had been over three weeks since we last hung out. We hadn't talked to each other aside from him sending me a picture of something we had talked about. To be fair, he didn't respond but I texted him really late at night. I basically just said hey I got out of work early tonight, wanna hang out? And that was the truth. Then I saw that he read the text at 9:30 AM today. I just really don't understand what his issue is. Why is he so kind and decent when we're together and often times over text, but now he just has to be a flippant jerk. Is he thinking, oops no point in responding now since it's the morning? Like is it that difficult to just send a "hey sorry I was asleep!" I'm not looking for advice about him, I know I should stop seeing him and you better believe I won't ever text him again unless he sends me some sort of explanation. What I'm confused about is his behavior. He is a geeky nerd that has never had a girlfriend and I really doubt he's getting sex anywhere else. He's also kind of unhygienic, but I don't mind. Like here I am, a decently attractive skinny college girl that just wants to have sex with you, and you can't even be bothered to reply? Does he only want sex like once every three months? We always click pretty we'll when we're together so I just don't understand. Can someone please help me understand men?? Particularly college aged ones?? He's trying to keep you thinking about him when he's not around, and doing a pretty good job of it, eh? If he were not acting this way you probably would have gotten bored with him by now. He's not as geeky as you give him credit for being. He really likes you.
Author Didyouknow96 Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 He's trying to keep you thinking about him when he's not around, and doing a pretty good job of it, eh? If he were not acting this way you probably would have gotten bored with him by now. He's not as geeky as you give him credit for being. He really likes you. How on earth are you drawing the conclusion that he really likes me?? He never texts me casually and literally ignored my last message. I just don't get him. He was so loving and affectionate the last time we hung out and he seems so eager to like update me on his life. Then the next day he goes to a party and texts me a picture of something at the party. Like what is happening
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 How on earth are you drawing the conclusion that he really likes me?? He never texts me casually and literally ignored my last message. I just don't get him. He was so loving and affectionate the last time we hung out and he seems so eager to like update me on his life. Then the next day he goes to a party and texts me a picture of something at the party. Like what is happening What is happening is that he's keeping you in emotional turmoil so that you don't stray when he's not around. Women crave drama. This is drama. You don't fall in love with people when you are with them. You fall in love when you are apart and constantly thinking about the other. He really likes you. 1
Author Didyouknow96 Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 What is happening is that he's keeping you in emotional turmoil so that you don't stray when he's not around. Women crave drama. This is drama. You don't fall in love with people when you are with them. You fall in love when you are apart and constantly thinking about the other. He really likes you. I think I would like a second opinion on this lol
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 By all means. I could be wrong. But I doubt it. Pull back yourself, even farther than he does as a test. Ignore him until he contacts you no matter how long it takes. Think of it this way. Do you like cats? Have you ever dangled a string in front of a cat? The cat goes crazy as long as you dangle the string in front of him just out of reach. Then if you drop the string in front of the cat, the cat grows bored, turns up its nose, and walks away. You are that cat. His communications are that string. He likes you. If you want to ruin the relationship, allow yourself to become bored with it.
Author Didyouknow96 Posted February 12, 2018 Author Posted February 12, 2018 By all means. I could be wrong. But I doubt it. Pull back yourself, even farther than he does as a test. Ignore him until he contacts you no matter how long it takes. Think of it this way. Do you like cats? Have you ever dangled a string in front of a cat? The cat goes crazy as long as you dangle the string in front of him just out of reach. Then if you drop the string in front of the cat, the cat grows bored, turns up its nose, and walks away. You are that cat. His communications are that string. He likes you. If you want to ruin the relationship, allow yourself to become bored with it. Okay lol, I mean I got pissed and deleted his contact so I have to wait for him to text me. but okay, if ignoring me communicates that he likes me, what would replying have meant? That he's not interested?
basil67 Posted February 12, 2018 Posted February 12, 2018 I think I would like a second opinion on this lol Yeah, I'm not buying it. I'm a 50yo woman with enough life experience to tell you that if a guy is keen on you, he will show it. And yes, I learned that the hard way. Too much time spent pining over guys who made barely an effort back in my youth. Also, women are not cats. 2
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Okay lol, I mean I got pissed and deleted his contact so I have to wait for him to text me. but okay, if ignoring me communicates that he likes me, what would replying have meant? That he's not interested? Too much communication may allow you to believe that you have him all sewn up and lead you to boredom. He may also appear to be needy, which will cause you to lose respect for him, which leads to boredom. Girls don't like to be bored. It sounds like he understands this. When he contacts you again, don't tell him that you deleted his contact information. Have some other explanation ready, that you've been busy ect. Hint that... HINT that you may have been on a date with someone else. Don't be direct. Let his imagination do the work. That way he won't grow bored either. If he follows you on Facebook, take a photo of a couple of drinks on a table in a restaurant or bar with a brief caption about a wonderful night out. No people in the pic, just the drinks. A drink that a man would typically like, like whiskey & ice, and a drink that a woman would like, something fruity. Let people's imagination do the work. You two are seducing each other. Enjoy the process. And if it doesn't work out think of all the fun you had trying and all of the things you learned. My money still goes on him liking you.
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 One more thing. How do you make someone want something? You give it value. How do you give it value? Three ways, which he has done, are to: 1. Show that others like it. 2. Make it scarce. 3. Make people work for it. Now you need to do the same with yourself. I believe you have the makings of a terrific relationship here. But you'll have to be courageous & creative. And whatever happens, you'll be a better person from the experience.
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) Excuse me? That doesn’t even make sense. I’m a weirdo as well, but that does my mean I’m not aware of societal norms. My friends think he’s weird, they called him a weirdo, not me. I fail to see where you’re drawing the conclusion that I lack respect for him. Of course it doesn't make sense if you only quote one part of my post! In post #8 you answered my query as to how you could be sure there are no other girls in his life, "I just highly doubt it...he's just an awkward physicist guy who doesn't even really know what he's doing in bed." It seems to me that you're contending no other girls would want him (your words, "I highly doubt it") because again, "he's just an awkward physicist guy who doesn't even really know what he's doing in bed." Do you see that as being respectful of him? Editing this to add that in your post you wrote, "My friends are always asking me why I date weirdos. But I can't really help it, they're just who I'm attracted to." Seems to me you are agreeing with your friends that he's a weirdo, which seems to me to conflict with your above post saying it's your friends who think he's weird, not you. Just trying to help you see what another poster pointed out. That you may not realize he may be picking up on condescension from you. It seems to me from reading your words posted here that you don't write about him admiringly, yet don't realize it. Edited February 13, 2018 by LivingWaterPlease 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 What makes me think that he can’t get other girls is that I met him through reddit and he literally told me I was the only girl who replied to his post. And also, I have aspergers so I’m generally drawn towards socially awkward people that stray from the norm. I’m super weird once you get to know me but externally I appear normal. I don’t have the luxury of working with a bunch of other heavy science nerds that don’t care how nicely you dress or how your hair looks. I work in psych research and everyone is very neurotypical and socially normative. My friends, who are neurotypical, think he’s weird. I can recognize that to my family and friends people like him would appear odd, but it doesn’t bother me personally. Also, I left for four months. If he has all these other girls at his disposal, why bother being in touch with me? Oh, didn't see this. So it seems you're thinking he'd only be interested in you if no one else is available.
Iseult Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 Can someone please help me understand men?? Particularly college aged ones?? Fwb doesn't mean what you're wanting it to mean. Be thankful that he's helping you to get your rocks off.
winny Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 I think I would like a second opinion on this lol He doesnt like you... you are more like one of his hobbies. So he likes you the way you would like a hobby.
winny Posted February 13, 2018 Posted February 13, 2018 One more thing. How do you make someone want something? You give it value. How do you give it value? Three ways, which he has done, are to: 1. Show that others like it. 2. Make it scarce. 3. Make people work for it. Now you need to do the same with yourself. I believe you have the makings of a terrific relationship here. But you'll have to be courageous & creative. And whatever happens, you'll be a better person from the experience. I dont advice these games. 1
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